Chapter 101 - Im In Love With Mary Jane (2/2)
”More chaos, then we book it the f.u.c.k outta here.” I continued to dive down. It didn't take long to reach the front yard where we were keeping Rhea, the disgraced Fae Queen. She watched me approach with a dim gaze. Running into the house, I grabbed another stash from inside the walls and ran back out with a vial of coke.
Putting it on my hand and reaching out to the woman like one would offer an apple to a horse. She sniffed at my palm and smacked her lips, the move simple and seductive. Her tiny tongue, soft and warm, reached out to lick at my fingers. She grew bolder and more vigorous once the sweet taste of drugs entered her system.
”Good girl. Good girl.” I cooed, patting her head.
A semblance of clarity returned to her face. ”Hush...band?” She slurred. A frown. ”What…? My head…”
”Hold that thought.” I put a finger to her lips.
While Mary and Vera watched curiously from the side, I picked her up, flew into the sky, and chucked her at Mother.
The Fae Queen didn't get far before she burst into prismatic light and started shaking her head. ”Who dares to throw this Queen?!” She held the side of her face and searched the skies for her offender.
Wings of pure light had sprouted from her back, and it was those that gave off that splendid prismatic color. It was like...well, like Faery dust.
It's intensity attracted Mother and Father's attention. They both showed a variety of emotions. Father's face turned solemn while Mother's bordered on insanity. ”You…!” That single word was filled with undisguised hatred.
”Muriel…” Rhea spoke slowly. Her eyes snapped back into focus. ”I see. You're back. So, you want to keep my husband from me yet again.” She accused. ”Unforgivable.” A spear of condensed prismatic energy appeared in her hand. ”Unforgivable.” She repeated. Again, and again and again.
”All of you s.l.u.ts, simply angering me to death! Are you both here to take my son from me? You think I'll let you?!”
”I'll kill you, then I'll certainly take my husband back with me.”
���This is a f.u.c.k.i.n.g mess.” Father sighed. How the flying f.u.c.k I was hearing any of this is beyond me. Dragon hearing? Huh.
Back on the ground I was busy rounding up everyone. ”Mira!”
”Here.”
”Bubbles!”
”Aye, Sir!”
”Minerva!”
”M-Master…”
”Evie!”
”Present.”
”Holy hell!” Bubbles jumped up in fright as Evie appeared from a dark spot in a corner. ”What the f.u.c.k--?”
”Plue!”
”...”
Plue was the name of that Floor Guardian I'd caught for Vera some time ago. Little guy was sulkily held in Vera's arms and being force fed a carrot.
”Baz!”
”Is this really the time for a roll call? The ground is literally splitting apart!” The girl urged.
”Shut up.”
”And why is Mother n.a.k.e.d?”
”I was tryna give you a baby brother, what of it? Jealous? Too bad. F.u.c.k.i.n.g traitorous lolita cookie s.l.u.t bastard. ”
Baz had never looked so traumatized.
”Dr.Schitt, you're next. Come out.” I prompted. And there, from the Christmas tree I still hadn't taken down, came a miniature golden throne that shot out and took its place by my side. ”Good boy.” I turned to the small crowd. ”Alright guys, listen up. So my mother caught me having s.e.x with Mary and now she's super pissed off and probably wants to kill her. Luckily we have my dad and Becks holding her down but Rhea is in there too now to cause extra chaos for us, so while everyone's duking it out this whole place might end up bombed to hell. We're all leaving before that happens. Any questions? No? Okay. Vee, Mary, you're with me. Everyone else, Dr.Schitt can carry you. Marry, any suggestions on where we go?”
Mary, blushing from cheeks to neck over my explanation of the situation, had a somewhat helpless vacancy to her gaze. ”...I guess we should go to my physical body's territory for now…?” Poor thing looked lost. ”It's the safest place. We can hide there for a while.” She took a moment to ponder. ”There's no way Queen Rhiannon can seriously injure your mother in her current state, especially not with your father with her. She'll surely escape before long, then your mother will turn her attention back to us. It's a long journey, we might not be able to leave her area of awareness before things calm down.”
”I think we can teleport everyone there,” Vera spoke up. ”Your mother seems too distracted right now, you can probably override her seal on our powers.”
I can do that?
[Would you like to forcefully override the seal placed on NPCs ”Mary” and ”Vera”?]
The f.u.c.k.i.n.g system is only helpful on times like this. Fine. Yes.
[This action will require 500 origin points. Would you like to proceed?]
What?! How many do I even have right now?
[Origin points: 620.5]
How convenient. You are a hard working man indeed, Sir Clone.
I chose to only undo Mary's seal since if we get far enough away Vera's will go too. This saved me half the 500 points it would have cost otherwise and a faint light overcame Mary.
”...Is that it?” I didn't see or feel a change.
”It worked...how did you know how to do that?” Mary seemed slightly amazed.
”I keep on bullshitting through things and it keeps on working.” I shrugged.
”Guys hold on, that's great and all but we can't leave my sister here.
”We'll come back for her. ”I promised. ”In, out, back in again. Bada-bing bada-boom, easy peasy. Trust me.”
”You are so full of shit I'm surprised your ass doesn't get jealous of your mouth.”
I was about to respond when Father came rushing down in a streak of golden light.
”EVERYBODY RUN!!!”
Mother shot down a moment later. ”Son, hurry, come to Mama!” I could hear the panic in her voice.
Next was Rhea and Becks.
”We have to leave,” Becks informed her sister, pulling her closer.
”Husband, come with me.” Rhea wasted no time in taking my arm and burying it between her b.r.e.a.s.ts.
”Whore, get away from my--!”
”All of you shut the f.u.c.k up!” Father snarled impatiently. ”Now isn't the time!”
I was getting a headache. ”Hold up. You're all talking too fast. What're you scared of? What's going on?”
He barely even glanced at me, just stared off into the distance with worry.
”The Angels are coming.” His tone was grave.
And wouldn't you know it, streaks of light started flying over from the direction of the city.
”You two, get us away from here already!” Mother gulped. ”I have a feeling something bad will happen if they catch us, so let's go, come on!”
”No f.u.c.k.i.n.g shit something bad will happen.” I snapped. ”Those bastard children already r.a.p.ed me once, I ain't exactly keen on them doing that a second time.”
Mother and Father's eyes turned to saucers at my words.
”They...they what?”
”Honey…?”
”To be fair I'd drugged myself and summoned them here myself so I kinda asked for it. But still.”
They turned to each other, confused and silently disturbed. They glanced at Mary and Vera as if looking for answers. The way the two avoided their stares only served to cause them more anxiety.
Mary looked like she was reliving a nightmare and Vera grit her teeth in apparent anger.
”Let's go.” I snapped my fingers in Mary's face to break her of her stupor.
She calmed herself and nodded gently. ”Let's”
***
We appeared on a tall, grassy hill overlooking a great forest in the distance. The crisp air tasted heavenly. There was a peculiar flavor to it, something I'd partaken of many times before. What was it? It was...notes of Mary.
”That's much better!” Baz sighed. ”Ahh...home at last. I missed this place!”
”Min, look at this place...it's so pretty!”
”Amazing…”
”So this is where the Heart of the Realm lives. It feels special indeed.” Bubbles softly appreciated.
”There's abundant life energy all around.” Becks raised her hand to the bright sun. She inhaled, as is savoring the atmosphere. ��Intoxicating, almost.”
”It's an okay place.” Mother stated indifferently. ”Bit smelly though.”
”I like it.” Father shrugged.
She snorted. ”It's foul.”
”That's your opinion.”
All around me people were talking, having different and varied reactions. But I was the only one who was silent.
”What's wrong?” Bubbles was the first to notice my strangeness.
”Hey...are you okay?” Bubbles placed a hand on my shoulder, quietly asking if I was alright.
Rebecca placed a hand over her heart. ”What is it...this joy?”
I didn't bother to answer either of them. I couldn't spare Bubbles even a glance. Not because I didn't hear her or was trying to ignore her, but because something far more important dominated my full attention at that moment.
Because there, right in front of me, towering into the sky seemingly endlessly...above all the other trees...was a great, god-like, unsurpassably glorious...cannabis plant.
I felt tears roll down my face.
Instantly I was on my knees in front of Mary, reverence clear in my heart. ”MY QUEEN!” A second later I was once more on my feet and kissing her with an unmatched fervor, directly frenching her in front of everyone without care. When I finally released her, breathless and stunned wordless, I looked her straight in the eyes and said,
”Our wedding song is definitely going to be Mary Jane.”