Chapter 102 - The Green, Green Grass of Home (1/2)

I caught hold of another meeting today. After escaping the Angelic Army and witnessing my sudden kissing of Mary, Mother flew into a rage yet again. But it wasn't only her who flared up this time. No, Rhea, Becks and Bubbles were also less than pleased. Taking charge, Mother quickly set up a raised platform outside on the swaying grass and called the court to order.

Father was roped in too, with me by their side sitting on a slightly lower platform.

”Bring the prisoner!”

Mother wore a dark robe with a gavel in hand.

”Any last words?”

Mary was not dragged in anywhere since we were all already outside. She simply sat neatly on the ground with her head bowed, awaiting judgment. From Mother's words it seemed that unlike Charlotte's trial this hearing was a farce and Mary's sentence already decided.

Mary gazed at everyone in turn, took a deep breath, and lied through her teeth.

”I...did not have s.e.x.u.a.l relations with that boy, Young Master Damien. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time. Never. These allegations are false and I--”

”You were riding his d.i.c.k for a full two minutes even when I was attacking you!” Mother roared furiously, throwing her gavel at a nearby mountain and shattering it. We ignored the loud rumbling, but my back had a bit of a cold sweat.

Father, who'd been sipping from a flask, almost choked. ”Seriously? Mary was? Her?”

”I saw them.” Mother confirmed. Father shook his head and whistled low.

”Who'd have thought….” He rubbed his chin in wonder and took another swig.

”Is that your only reaction?!” Mother waved a fist at him. ”That overgrown weed was...with my baby...in my own home, no less! I hate it! I hate it! Ahhhh!!!!!” She m.o.a.ned in a mixture of pain and anger. I could almost see dark flames burst from her body as she shouted towards the heavens.

”I mean...they both consented to it though? You wanted to pimp him out to all kinds of foreign race women anyway so what the hell are you mad about?” Father lifted an eyelid and watched her closely. He pretended not to care, but I could see the tightening of his hands on his shoulders as he folded them together over his chest, attempting calmness.

”That's different! They didn't do what she did! You don't even know. Hmph. And I even forgave her, but then she goes and seduces my son? Mates with him in my own room, making the place stink of her? I should've uprooted her years ago!”

Rhea barked out a laugh. ”That was your own mistake. I've always told you, you aren't decisive enough. Now look what's happened. She ate your son before you. Well, I suppose it's better for me this way. My husband should know a woman or two so that he can fully appreciate my superiority later on.”

”You f.u.c.k.i.n.g overgrown pixie, shut up! Who asked you? What are you doing here anyway? Do you want to die? Stay away from me and my family.”

”You mean our family, don't you, mother-in-law?” Her small, measured smile was perfectly crafted to get on Mother's nerves.

”What did you just say!” She exploded. ”Who is your mother-in-law?! I don't have such a s.l.u.tty bitch of a daughter!”

”Husband, are you going to let your mother speak to me that way?”

I couldn't even open my mouth before Rebecca's arm shot out and laid a sharp, icy sword at the woman's neck. ”You have quite some courage to be calling other peoples heartmates your husband.”

Her tone was very mild and smooth, but it caring bone-chilling notes.

”Just for the record, I want it to be known that I am, legally speaking, his only official wife. I will share with Becks since she's always been so nice to me, but everyone else can kindly f.u.c.k off, okay? At least this Fae-bitch, certainly.” Bubbles cut in.

”Just a sardine.” Mother tsk. ”And a frozen dead fish. I don't accept my son being your heartmate. ”

”Whether you do or not is of no consequence. As long as he lets me stay by his side, your own opinions don't matter. Hate me if you want, even. I won't go back to the coldness.”

”Don't worry, sis. He's a good bed warmer.”

From a few feet away, sitting on a bench, I noticed Evie lifting her head at the last words.

”Like father like son.” Father nudged me. ”Popular all around.”

I stared him down. ”You are only normally popular. I'm a harem hentai protagonist. You can't understand my pain.”

”I don't know about that. I had hundreds of hopefuls following me around constantly back in the day.”

The poor fool. Guys, it's time I revealed a few untold stories about my time at the Academy these past few months.

”These past few months I had women throwing their panties at me every day when I walked home.”

”....Hm?”

”The wives of shop owners whose stores I frequented would invite me over when their husbands weren't home. The seamstress and her daughter started undressing each other when I was trying on a new shirt.”

”Well, that wasn't uncommon for me either…”

”Girls at school sent me baked goods saying they were made with special love juice.”

”What the f.u.c.k is love ju-?”

”A support group was founded to help women get over their addiction of me. There's a law called the Damien Defense where one can claim being under the influence...of me.”

”That's ridiculous.”

”A trio of lollies preformed inhuman experiments on people to try and give themselves cat ears so I would pat their heads.”

”...”

”...”

I was about to say more when he held up a hand and stopped me, ”Please don't. I get it. ” He sighed. ”Son, you really have it rough, don't you?”

I wanted to cry. Rough? Dude all I want is to grow weed and willow saplings on a farm somewhere but all I get is ****. I've got the Master C.o.c.k and everyone bitch I come across can't wait to fit it in their damn key holes. My mother might've already molested me. My sister WANTS to molest me, and I ain't even sure she understands what that it.

A whore of Angels DID molest me. And they're also my daughters from a past life, so that's a really F.U.C.K.I.E.D situation. I have who knows how many Goddesses tryna find me so they CAN molest me. And every other woman I meet these days is either my soul mate or some obsessive yandere liable to kill everyone around me if I don't keep her drugged out of her mind.

NOT TO MENTION that besides ALL of that shit, I also got some weird system latching onto me saying my class is Pimp.

Like what the hell, man?

Does this thing not understand how many times I've been taken advantage of for my body? Pimp, my ass. I may as well be a p.r.o.s.t.i.t.u.t.e, least earn some f.u.c.k.i.n.g money out of this. My card would read: Damien Bigolo, isekai gigolo.

Christ.

F.u.c.k. I'm hungry, too. My mouth feels like it has cottonballs in it. I looked at Mary, tongue dry, wanting to wet it with a bit of cannabis oil straight from the tap.

The woman shook her head from all the bickering going around from the various judges and caught my eye. She saw me licking my lips and I knew she understood what I was thinking. She glared at me, probably chastising me in her mind for having those kinds of thoughts at a time like this. Then she saw my father clapping my back in an attempt at comfort and her entire self turned dismal.

Whether she still really loved him or just kept telling herself she did, either way this was a situation where the man she'd always cared for was attending a trial where she was guilty of sleeping with his son. I couldn't imagine how she must be feeling.

”Alright, alright, quiet down all of you.” Mother beat the table with a hand, eliciting a loud bang. ”Order in the court!” She intoned. ”Rosemary, you are hereby found guilty of the following charges: One case of statutory **** and three cases of a.d.u.l.tery. You are sentenced...to life imprisonment. ” She stood up. ”Let's get this over with, I'm going to be later for my afternoon cuddle with my son.”

”Since when was that a thing?” I asked.

”Oh, son...I'm a judge now. If I say it's a thing, it's a thing.”

This here was sounding awfully familiar.

”Now take her away!”

I promptly stood up, walked over, and carried the bound Mary in my arms. My actions cause an uproar.