Chapter 96 - The Phoenix Emperors Grandson-in-Law (2/2)

”By the way, where's Claude anyway? I haven't seen him in a good minute.”

”I'm not sure...he sent a note saying he'd be away. He went to see King Lucius to have his name officially cleared and then he just vanished.”

”Huh. I'm sure he'll be okay.”

She nodded gently. ”He's capable.”

You're telling me. I had a tough time killing the bastard in the sixth game. Was a real bitch.

”Are Vera and Dolly alright? Have you heard from them?”

”They're okay, mostly. They stayed indoors that night so they didn't see much of what was going on. It's just…” Her brows knit themselves together.

”Just what?”

”Something happened after. It's nothing too concerning, but there was a bit of a scuffle.”

”...Scuffle…”

”It's best you see for yourself. You'll be going there later on, won't you? You'll know, I'm sure.”

I hated people leaving me on vague crap like that, but more importantly I wanted a bath so I didn't bother pressing her.

***

”Haa...haa...haa…I admit. You're good.” Dolly wiped the blood from her mouth and spat.

Cory glared at her with raw hatred. She slowed her breath and took a stance.”So are you. ” She smirked. ”Just not good enough!” The girl roared and threw herself forward.

”Have at thee!” Dolly replied, also stepping forward with an unstoppable momentum.

What ensued was an epic, bloody, merciless...slap match.

”Give up, Dolly! I am inevitable!”

She tilted her head away while trying desperately to connect her palms to the opposing girl's cheeks.

”It's your fate to lose! Dread it, run from it, destiny still arrives. Or should I say...I have!”

These two kids are in the middle of the school's front yard having a damn showdown spouting lines like villains. What the heck?

And not to mention the other two.

”You're strong.” Helena sneered softly. ” But I could snap my fingers and you'd cease to exist.”

Numerous wooden tentacles surround Vera, all pointed towards Helena. ”Your confidence is misplaced, Phoenix.”

There battle was a lot cooler. Helena was throwing fire from her hands from in twenty feet high and Vee was uprooting the ground to block it. Vera would shoot roots at the other girl and narrowly miss her by a hairsbreadth. Helena's clothes would become just slightly more shredded and display hints of a slim waist or side boob.

Then Helena got smart and went for an AOE attack that might've actually burned Vera had I not stepped up and poured ice water all over the burning little chick.

I just hosed her down with a single open palm that spouted a great stream of water. The cold water sizzled and turned to steam as it neared her but eventually won out in the end.

”Your Grace…” Helena sputtered.

Ignoring her, I said, ”Listen here, little girl. If you'd have gotten even a single singed hair on my Vee I'd have murdered you, your family, and your cow. Calm down. We good? Good. Now, can someone please tell me why the hell everyone's fighting? You're scaring the students.” It was like a warzone. People were screaming hysterically and running around. Some despaired, others prayed. I saw a little girl stealing another girl's shoes when the kid was out cold on the ground.

Pure chaos.

”Where are the teachers? Who the heck is allowing this?” I threw my hands up, thoroughly exasperated.

”Most of them quit. You tied them to trees and started protesting about saving the rainforests or something before you set up the whole strip dance routine. ” Vera's cool voice drifted into my ear. She was right beside me before I could blink. ”I hear that a few of the former adventurer teachers who tried to resist got blown away in an explosion. With your antics and that night's strange visitors most of the school is under lockdown and performing self study in their rooms these days. ”

Bollocks. ”And what's with the fighting?”

”About that…” Vera was just about to begin the explanations when the two warring lolies noticed my arrival.

”Hubby!” Cory's eyes lit up like firecrackers. Dolly, ever the opportunist, took this chance to smack her upside the head. ”Oof!” The girl fell exaggeratedly, spinning twice before hitting the ground. She began sobbing pitifully.

I raised a brow.

”Filthy lying bitch. How dare you try to take advantage of Day's instinctual kindness! Acting like this, don't you have any shame?! What a conniving little harlot you are!”

Dolly then started kicking her in the stomach with all her tiny might. ”Imma bite you to death!” And went on to leave bite marks all over the kid, like the great poodles of yore.

”No~ Hubby, help!”

”Young Miss!” Helena fussed. She ran over and tried to help but was promptly admonished.

”Idiot, what are you doing? You aren't my hubby! Go away!” Cory disdained.

”No, but...Young Miss…”

I gave Vee a look. ”I get it now.”

”You really never cease to cause me trouble, Young Master. They've been like this for three days.”

”What?! Are you guys okay?!” I quickly examined her, turning her face this way and that, looking over every inch of the woman with utmost scrutiny. She slapped me away ruthlessly.

”I'm fine.” She said irritably. ”You're too hot, don't touch me.” As her words threatened to rend my soul from my body, she continued, ”Besides we weren't even fighting seriously. When all this started Dolly just told me to handle the big one and we've been pretending to battle each other the whole time.”

”Oh. Thank goodness. So this has been going on for a while?”

She nodded. ”This is their 326th battle.”

Its already over 300?!

”Holy hell that's a big number! They've seriously fought over a hundred times a day?”

”Each bout ends pretty fast, that's why. They'll spout abuse at each other, exchange a few slaps, have tea, and start over.”

”Your Grace, please! T-The Young Miss…”

I've only ever known Bubbles to call me Your Grace. And that's because she knew who I was. I suppose this girl does too? And, Young Miss? Strange. Helena and Cory are obviously both Phoenixes but I wouldn't have expected someone of Helena's standing to sound so subservient to Cory.

Isn't the girl from one of the Noble families from this realm, like Father? It is weird. Maybe they're secretly a high-ranking family from one of the foreign races too, like Mother. It's odd that she'd be here if so...no, actually they might be here for that? The artifact I wanted to get here originally belonged to Helena's race, after all. I was going to wait for Haytham's tournament arc before stealing it, like the original thieves did, but somehow...yeah I don't think that's gonna happen.

”Private Dolly! Atten-hut!”

The girl looked over with a sour expression.

”Dolly…” I warned.

”Hmph.” She turned her head away. I was floored.

”You will stand at attention, Private!” I screamed with all the power of a Drill Sergeant

”Hmph!” She folded her arms, her cheeks puffing up adorably.

I swear I went blue in the face with anger. ”Are you disobeying a direct order, soldier?! You stand at attention now or you're cleaning the latrine pits with your tongue!”

”Day is all bark and no bite! You don't have the will to do what needs be done...but I do!” Dolly grit her teeth and set her lips in a grim line. ”It's alright, Day. You don't have to act tough anymore. Leave everything to me.”

She turned her back, and her tiny frame just looked so unbelievably reliable just then. She raised her hand over the cowering Cory.

”No!” Helena screamed.

”Hubby…” Cory whispered softly. In her last moments she didn't cry or beg. Instead her gentle gaze fell upon me like a knife to the gut, as if there were only the two of us in the entire world.

Dolly gave no quarter. With bone-chilling decisiveness….she slapped the ever-loving mind outta the loli.

***

”It hurts~” Cory groaned. The bright red welt was already starting to puff up. She placed her head over the table, forgetting all kinds of proper etiquette, and sullenly rubbed her newest war wound.

I offered to heal it but was refused. ”This is a symbol of my determination. I won't back down even if I was slapped ten million times! A billion!”

”Anyway, about the whole 'manifestation of a Phoenix hanging out in my spiritual sea' thing” Or whatever you'd call it. I didn't want to explain the whole Sera situation again so I just opted for bullshitting with a few xianxia terms.

”That is strange.” Helena tapped her chin. ”I don't know why it would appear there. Or anywhere in your body, for that matter. But now that I have a closer look, yes. You house a very pure Phoenix aura within you. Strange, very strange. I wonder why…?” While sitting across from me she stared hard and learned slightly forward, as if trying to peer inside and gleam all my secrets.

In short, it felt like she was undressing me with her eyes. Vera blocked her gaze with a hand. ”That's enough leering.”

”Leering?” Helena's nose wrinkled. ”I was doing nothing of the sort.”

Vera said nothing, not even deigning to look at the girl.

”Anyway, I'm sorry. I have no idea why you're like this. I could write a letter to my grandmother and ask her but I've never even heard of something like this in any of our records. Strangely enough, the Young Miss is also experiencing an odd situation with her physique. Maybe the two are related?”

No sooner had she said this did Cory let out a creepy chuckle. ”Kek…” Her smile was absolutely terrible. ”Keke...I told you, Dolly...I'm inevitable! Just admit me as your Sister-in-Law already.”

Dolly pounded her little fist on the table. ”Ridiculous! You filthy s.l.u.t, what did you do to my Day?” The girl reached for my hand. ”Day, i-it's okay. I'll never let anyone else have you! I'll straighten out this spicy chicken right good. Then we can play. We haven't played much recently, you know? I have my maid outfit all ready, too! It looks sooooo cute, you'll love it! It's much more colorful and frilly than Vee's.”

It sounds like an abomination. Vee's maid outfit is perfect, there's no need for any useless embellishments and colors. If it's bright and frill, is it even a maid outfit? Maids require a certain aesthetic, otherwise they lack that unique maidly aura and would instead become mere imitations.

Black and white maid outfits, prim and proper maid outfits...those are and always will be, supreme! I'm not opposed to s.l.u.tty maid costumes provided they aren't a brightly-colored mess, though. I think a blue maid outfit would look nice on her.

Wait. No.

”Dolly, let me give you a quick question: You wanna do lewd stuff with me?”

Her mouth dropped. The very essence of her being seemed to glow. She shook with excitement. ”Can we? Are we really? Yay~!”

I promptly hit her on the head. ”The f.u.c.k you mean, yay? I'm your brother, we don't do lewd stuff! I don't mind other people doing it, but I, at least, won't!”

Her sad face was heartbreaking. Tears welled up. It only lasted for an instant before she schooled her face to seriousness and replied, ”Day, I think you should try harder at building up your sister complex.”

Flicking her forehead, I thus began ignoring her in favor of Cory. ”And you! What were you talking about?”

She put on a proud little smirk, pounded her chest, and said, ”I slipped it in!”

”...Seriously kid. Phrasing.” I rubbed my temple. ”Please be more specific.”

”Hehe...remember our kiss? Hm, it was fate. I didn't even realize till later, you know? Ah. It's amazing. What are the odds? Hehehe….”

”What odds? Kid, what is you talkin' about? Out with it!” I reached over and started shaking her.

”It's our baby, what else?” She hummed cheerfully. ”Don't you get it? It's part me, now part you. It's our precious baby, okay? That time I must've reacted on instinct and slipped in my core, knowing deep down this way we'll always be connected! And it hatched! It's a miracle of life, proof of our destined love! No one, not even Dolly, can tear us apart now! Muwahahahaha~!” She cackled madly. Then broke off into a fit of coughs.

The information slowly trickled its way through. Kiss? Core? What the hell? She 'slipped it in'? I don't remember anything like that...nothing came in during that time, right? I'm sure...no, maybe...she did use a lot of tongue, so it wasn't impossible for something to have gone down while he was distracted. And he did swallow a bit of blood, he recalled, though he spit most of it out.

”Goddammit.” I narrowed my eyes. ”You f.u.c.k.i.n.g Zhao Yanzi'd me!”

Meanwhile Dolly hugged me from behind. ”Day. Get an abortion.”