Part 29 (2/2)

Didn't she know? I thought she knew. ”I want to tell you,” I said. I felt the tears begin to well up again.

”Then tell me,” she said warmly and trustingly.

I took a deep breath and thought back to when I'd swallowed the pills and when I'd picked up the knife. I shook my head. Mr. Sharp wanted me to stop. He wanted to grab me and cover my mouth, but I pushed him away as hard as I could.

”Jack's letter,” I pushed out.

Mom gasped. She shook her head in disbelief. ”No,” she said.

”I read it,” I admitted.

”Kristen, that has nothing to do with you.”

”What about Nick? Mom? Are you going to be there for Jack? I know that he wants you there.”

Mom's smile was nowhere to be found. Her eyes were big and her mouth was open.

”I knew it. I knew you had read it. Kristen, is this why? Is this why you are putting us through this c.r.a.p? You should know me better than this. Why would I even...” she took a deep breath to calm herself. ”You should have come to me so we could have talked about it.”

”Why didn't you tell me about the hearing, Mom?” I asked.

She was stunned in disbelief. ”How dare you? I was trying to protect you. Is this the way you treat me? I don't appreciate your tone, either. I have been here for you every single day. I have come here and I have taken care of you. I could just go and not come back until it's time for you to get out of here. Or, if they decide to leave you in here until you are eighteen, then I won't have to come back. Maybe that would make it easier. How would you feel if I did that?”

Fear grew inside me. I shouldn't have spoken up. I should have just nodded my head and agreed with her. It would make it easier on her if they did leave me here or send me to a long-term hospital.

Afraid that was what she was going to let happen, I pleaded, ”I'm sorry, Mom. I am sorry. I won't say anything about it to Dr. Pelchat. That's not why I did it. I don't know why I did it. I was scared, or I was just not thinking. I am so sorry. I will make it up to you. I promise.”

”Yes, you will,” she said to me. She seemed to calm down after my apology. ”Just get out of here so that you can come home. Do what you have to do in your groups, take your test, and take your medicine. And, if you do have a Borderline Personality Disorder thing he was talking about, just get through it. Be strong.”

”Yes, Mom. I will never do this again and wind up in here again,” I told her.

”I know you won't, Kristen,” she said. ”Because next time you will only have yourself to deal with.”

CHAPTER 35.

I knew that there was something inside of me that I wanted to let go of and let die, so that I could move on with my life. I wanted my mother to see that I was not going to cause any more problems, and that I was going to be a good example for Nick and Alison. I had my mind set to do everything I had to do to get out of Bent Creek and not let my family down.

During Morning Group the next day, I volunteered to speak first.

”My name is Kristen. I am in Group Two. Ms. Mosley is our group leader. Our group goal for the day is to respect our peers' opinions in Groups today. And my personal goal for today is to talk more in my Groups.”

Dr. Finch looked amazed. He smiled and thanked me for volunteering to speak first.

”It seems like you are doing very well so far with your personal goal.”

I smiled, proud of myself. I knew I was doing what I had to do.

Daniel spoke next. ”I'm Daniel. I'm in the same group as Kristen, so we have the same group goal. We have to respect each other's opinions. My personal goal is to try to have a good family session today. This is the second try, so I really hope it goes well.”

I smiled at him, silently wis.h.i.+ng him good luck. He smiled and winked at me before looking down at his shoelaces, but not touching them like he used to. I wished I knew how to wink back. But, if I had tried, Daniel probably would have thought I had gotten something caught in my eye.

I looked over at Janine. Dr. Finch wanted her to speak next. She was in our group, too, so she stated our group goal. Her personal goal was to find out what had happened to Dr. Cuvo. No one commented on that. Dr. Finch seemed as if he wanted to say something to her, but he saw that she was angry and not like her usual self. He moved on to a more interesting piece of work.

”What do I have to say again?” Mena slouched back in her seat with her arms folded across her chest.

Her camouflage, hooded sweater was zipped up, and the hood was pulled over her head.

”Tell us your name, your group goal, and your personal goal for the day,” Dr. Finch told her patiently.

She sighed heavily. She seemed sad. ”I'm Mena.” She looked up at Dr. Finch.

”Now, tell us your goals please, Mena,” he requested.

”Daniel already said our group goal, and I don't have a personal goal.”

She rolled her eyes away from us. We were all staring at her because she was talking. She must not have liked everyone looking at her so intently.

”That is unacceptable,” Dr. Finch said. ”Why don't you sit there and think about how you can help improve your situation here. While you think about it, try to figure out what you need to do to accomplish it. Then you will have yourself a personal goal. Just remember, you don't have to try to do it all in one day. You can take it step by step, and day by day. That is why we have personal goals every single day. This is to build us up and get us closer to accomplis.h.i.+ng that bigger goal.”

”Yeah, the bigger goal. Getting the h.e.l.l out of here,” Tai commented.

Everyone laughed, including Dr. Finch. Mena sat still with no expression on her face. She didn't even look annoyed.

When we were finished laughing, Dr. Finch said, ”We will come back to you, Mena.”

”Whatever,” she said.

Dr. Finch's patience had apparently run out with Mena. He pointed towards the door and said, ”Go to Ms. Mosley, right now.”

”For what?”

”Mena, get out!” he yelled at her.

Mena got up angrily. She shoved her chair back and made it hit the wall behind her. This caused a loud bang that made my ears ring. Janine and I shuddered. Dr. Finch seemed like a calm man, but Mena seemed to have pushed his b.u.t.tons. She stormed out of the room, muttering curses at Dr. Finch.

I already didn't like her.

After breakfast, Dr. Pelchat called me to his office. I sat down with a smile on my face. I was going to keep this up for as long as I could until I got out of here. I could lay it on as thick as believing could make it. He smiled back at me. He was buying it. His cherry, Santa-like cheeks squished under his tiny, blue eyes.

”Are you feeling better today?” he asked me.

I nodded. ”Yes. Yesterday was kind of weird. But after that talk we had with my mother, I really feel like things are going to be okay.”

”I'm glad you feel that way,” he said. ”You did very well.”

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