Part 17 (1/2)

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”Okay,” she said. ”And I'll bring your school work so that you can finish getting that done. I want you to graduate from that home schooling program.” She gathered up her belongings and began to leave.

Before she got completely out of her chair, I stopped her by touching her arm. ”I'm sorry I messed up,” I said.

She looked at me with the most serious eyes. She said, ”Whatever it is that you are going through, I can honestly say I do not understand. I guess that's why I am so upset. Just get better and get out of here. We need you at home.”

I stood up and we hugged.

”I will bring you a hair brush, too,” she said as we pulled away.

We said goodbye, and she walked to the exit, waved to me, and then disappeared with Geoffrey. It was like I wasn't even there. Mr. Sharp screamed loudly to get out, but there was nowhere for me to go and let him out. The earth seemed to be shaking in my head. I felt exhausted, alone, angry, sad, confused, and empty-everything but dead.

CHAPTER 18.

When Dr. Cuvo came for me, I was alone in my bedroom with my head buried in my pillow. I heard Dr. Cuvo calling out my name from the hallway. I was able to dry my tears and pull my hair back into a ponytail before he entered my room. He knocked and then entered. When he came in, I pretended I was asleep in case my eyes were red from crying. He would think that they were red because I was tired.

I felt a tender hand brush my back. His touch made me open my eyes suddenly.

”Did I scare you, Kristen?” he asked in a gentle voice.

I wiped my eyes and sat up, shaking my head.

”Sorry to wake you up,” he said as he pulled a chair over beside my bed. ”It's time for your session.”

”Are we going to your office?” I asked him.

Dr. Cuvo looked around, and then he looked back at me. His eyes sparkled. He said with a smile, ”This can be my office for now.”

Irritated, I tried to smile back at him because I knew he was trying to be funny.

”It's good to see you. You look good today.” He smiled at me kindly.

I tried not to blush. I knew he was thinking about our last session and my huge embarra.s.sment. Still embarra.s.sed, I thanked him for the compliment.

”So, you had some visitors today. Was it nice to see your family?”

”Yes.” I wasn't feeling chatty.

Dr. Cuvo crossed his legs in the chair and rested my chart on his knee. ”Was it your Mom and a cousin of yours?”

”Mom and my-Lexus,” I said.

”Who is Lexus?” he asked.

”She's a friend of our family.”

”A visit from a friend is always good,” Dr. Cuvo said with a smile.

”I thought that the order was only for my Mom to come here and visit me.”

”I wrote an order for adult visitors. Meaning you can only have visitors who are over the age of eighteen. Which, in most cases, are only parental visits, but in your case, your Mom brought your friend. Besides, wasn't it nice to see your friend?”

I hesitated and stuttered out, ”Yes.”

The look on his face told me that he wasn't buying it.

”Are you sure about that?” he asked.

I was tired. I didn't feel like talking. I felt like I was being badgered.

”What do you know?” I snapped at him.

Being Dr. Cuvo, he didn't get angry with me for yelling at him.

He leaned forward and said, ”I don't know anything unless you talk to me, Kristen.”

I hated when he did that. I was already in a bad mood when he'd come in. Now, he wouldn't leave me alone. I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. Dr. Cuvo got up out of his chair and sat my chart down on the seat. He sat down next to me on my bed and placed his hands on my shoulders to make me face him. I buried my face in my hands.

”Kristen, what's going on? Please talk to me,” he said. ”Let me help you.”

I closed my eyes and tried to breathe. My chest was pounding in pain, and breathing became heavy.

”Please calm down, Kristen. Breathe slowly,” Dr. Cuvo said as he squeezed my shoulders.

My insides felt like they were trying to pour out of my eyes. My heart was racing as fast as my mind. My mind filled with thoughts of what had brought me here, the pills, when I'd picked up that knife, and what had made me cut deeper. I had seen Mr. Sharp so clear that night. I knew why I had done it, and I knew what had made me cut deeper. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him so badly. That was the hardest thing I that I had to do, and I tried.

I opened my mouth and cried, ”She shut it off! She didn't pick it up! I thought that I could-but no! No! And Mr. Sharp-she didn't do it! I...” My words were just mumbles and rants. I saw Dr. Cuvo looking into my eyes helplessly, trying to understand what I was trying to say.

”He said, 'You're a loser! Loser! Cut deeper!' I cut deep!”

”Kristen,” said Dr. Cuvo. ”Who's calling you a loser?”

”Sharp! Sharp!” I screamed while crying, wis.h.i.+ng he could understand.

”Yes, I know. Who called you a loser, and told you to cut deep?” He sighed heavily as he squeezed my shoulders.

He didn't understand what I was trying to say. I needed him to understand, so I kept trying through the tears.

”It was Sh...Sh...Sharp,” I cried as I struggled to breathe.

Dr. Cuvo gave up and he pressed his finger to my lips to hush me. ”Please, Kristen, just try to breathe.” He made me look into his eyes.

I felt myself get light-headed as I panted and sobbed. I closed my eyes so that the room would stop spinning.

”If you don't calm down and breathe more slowly, you are going to hyperventilate. Please, Kristen,” he begged.

I opened my eyes, and his eyes caught mine. His eyes were very gentle. I tried to look away from him.