Part 14 (2/2)

”No,” I told her. ”Lexus, I don't really want to look at myself in the mirror.”

”Shut up,” she said. ”Look.”

I stood in front of the mirror. I felt emotionless. I didn't look different. I just had color.

”What's the difference?” I asked her.

”What's the difference?” she repeated. ”It's color!” She laughed at me. ”Besides, I did a really good job on you. I could be your personal make-up artist.”

”What would I need one of those for?”

”You know, when you grow up and you become a famous poet and publish books, you'll need someone to make you look good for TV talk shows and book signings.”

I was shocked. I said, ”You really think I'll get my poems published?”

She shoved me playfully. ”You have enough of them! Why not?”

I smiled at her, overjoyed that she believed in me.

”So is it good, even though it's different?”

I thought for a moment. ”I don't know if it's good-different or just me-looking-likeme-different.”

”It had better be good-different because I did a really good job,” she proclaimed. Then suddenly, ”Oh, my goodness!”

”What?” I asked.

”I have a great idea! Come on!”

She grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the room. I had no idea where she was taking me until I saw our parents and John's parents on the back porch, watching the food barbeque. John and his little brother were with Nick. The three of them were sitting on a blanket in the gra.s.s. The parents looked at me. Mom was drinking a beer, and as soon as she saw me, she started choking.

I froze.

John's mom asked, ”Did you do that yourself?”

I felt like a two-year-old who had just used the potty all by herself for the first time.

”No,” Lexus said. ”I did her make-up.”

”That looks lovely, honey,” her dad praised her.

Lexus giggled happily.

Jack looked at me without expression. He sat his beer down on the table and walked away. I watched him go into the house. Mom looked like she wanted to follow him. I tried to smile.

”You should let Lexus do your make-up more often,” her mother said.

”Okay, thanks,” I said.

I quickly left them on the porch, but Lexus went after me. I didn't see Jack when I went back into the house. I went back to the bedroom.

Lexus closed the door. ”Are you okay?” she asked.

”Yes,” I lied. I smiled at her to make her believe me.

”Yay! We are so cute,” she said.

I rolled my eyes playfully. She was so cute. We wrapped our arms around each other and hugged.

”You're my best friend,” I said.

Knock. Knock.

I woke up suddenly at the sound of the knocks on the door. Janine opened her eyes. Ms. Mosley entered the room.

”Hey, it's not time to get up yet,” Janine whined to Ms. Mosley. ”It's Sat.u.r.day.”

Ms. Mosley ignored her and stood near me while I sat up in bed. Janine saw that Ms. Mosley had not come for her, so she turned over and went back to sleep. Ms. Mosley looked down at me.

”Do you want me to help you get cleaned up now, or do you need to sleep a little longer?” she asked kindly.

”Okay,” I said as I hurried up and got out of the bed. ”We can do it now, please.”

She nodded and headed towards the bathroom. Relieved, I grabbed my towel and personal items and followed Ms. Mosley to the bathroom. As I got undressed, Ms. Mosley prepared the shower. I felt nervous, like I had in the other hospital the first time the nurse had helped me get clean. Ms. Mosley could tell that I was nervous. She gently took my hand and led me to the shower. She had me stick my foot in the shower to test the water. I had to make sure it wasn't too hot or too cold. It was lukewarm, just right.

Ms. Mosley didn't remove the bandages before she cleaned me. I had to hold my arms out of the shower so that they wouldn't get wet. She didn't seem to be bothered by my menstrual flow. She seemed like she was trying to be careful and professional. She washed my hair and everywhere that was most necessary, all the while humming a song that I had heard once when I was child. It was comforting and it made me feel calm. When she finished, I could smell myself. But it wasn't like when I smelled myself before. This time I could smell the sweet apple shampoo and the Ivory soap. At that moment, those were the best scents that I had ever smelled in my entire life.

Ms. Mosley wrapped a towel around me. I stepped out of the shower. She looked at me. ”Kristen, I have to remove your bandages now, okay?”

I nodded.

She took my arm into her hands. She started to unwrap the bandages and then stopped. ”What happened to your arm?”

”The nurse,” I said. ”She was having a hard time taking my blood this morning.” I looked at the damage. My arm had been badly bruised.

Ms. Mosley frowned. She didn't say anything in response, but just continued unwrapping the bandages from my wrists. I looked away. I couldn't look at what I had done to myself. Instead, I looked at the pale paint that was chipping off the walls. When the bandages were completely off, I felt the air hit my wrists. They felt cold. I tried to keep my focus on the chipped paint. That bathroom could have used a new paint job. There was suddenly a strange smell. I scrunched up my face. I couldn't move my hands to cover my nose, because Ms. Mosley was putting something on my wrists. It felt like water, but it couldn't have been, because it smelled too bad and it stung when it touched my skin.

”I'm sorry,” she said. ”It smells like that because it is a liquid ointment for your st.i.tches. It is supposed to help them heal faster. It also keeps the wounds from infection.”

I had to force myself not to look down. I watched her grab new bandages from her bag. The she started wrapping my wrists back up.

”There you go,” she said with a sigh. ”You are all done. Go ahead and get dressed. Do you need help?”

I shook my head as I walked back into the bedroom. Ms. Mosley walked to the door to exit the room. Before she left, she said, ”I will be back at eight-thirty to get you and Janine up.”

I went over to my side of the room and started getting dressed. I didn't see that Janine was awake.

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