Part 3 (2/2)

CHAPTER 5.

When we arrived at Bent Creek, I was shocked. It didn't look anything like I had expected a mental hospital to look. It wasn't like on television. There weren't any bars on the windows. There were actually flowers and trees outside, and the people who worked there smiled when they greeted us. My mother handed one of the workers my suitcase. Immediately, she s.n.a.t.c.hed it away and started going through it. I almost laughed at her eagerness, but I wasn't even going to crack a smile in here, especially not around Mom.

It was almost dark outside when we arrived. It had been a fair ride-not too long, but not short, either. It was freezing in the office where they made us wait. Mom and I sat at a long, rectangular table. I tried to sit furthest away from the door. Mom followed me and sat next to me.

Shortly after, a woman came into the room. She had my suitcase in her hand. She placed the suitcase next to me, and then sat across from Mom and me. She spoke in a sweet, high-pitched voice and she spoke very carefully.

”My name is Nurse Habersham. I am one of the psychiatric nurses here at Bent Creek. Kristen, I'm going to ask a few questions to put in your chart.” She looked at Mom. ”I understand that Kristen has not had a full evaluation. However, this doesn't mean anything, since Dr. Cuvo has already admitted her.”

Mom nodded at her while trying to look at my chart. The nurse kept it at an angle so that she could write. Mom wasn't having much success.

”It's just procedure. We have to do these evaluations. It's just an initial one, and then we will do another one before Kristen is discharged.” She looked at me and smiled.

I wanted to try to smile back, but I felt too awkward. Mom was sitting right beside me. I couldn't let her think that I actually felt good about this place or what I had done to get here.

Mom squeezed my hand. ”Now we'll get you the help that you need. Some real help,” she said, not looking at me.

The nurse gave me another warm smile. I didn't feel warm. I felt cold. I wished I could go home with Mom. I wished that I could fool them and tell them I was fine, that I was just having a bad night and that I was over all of that mess. I wished.

But there I was, about to be left alone, for G.o.d only knew how long, with people who didn't know me. People whom I didn't know, Mom didn't know, and who probably didn't really care about me. They were just people with jobs to me. They were people who needed to make a living, just like we all did. In addition, I had seen how people were treated in these types of places. I had watched television specials and investigative doc.u.mentaries about old mental hospitals. There was no way I could get sane. Not in this place. Not in prison.

”Excuse me, when will I get to see Dr. Cuvo?” I asked Nurse Habersham.

”You will get to see your doctor tomorrow. Right now, I am going to let you have the things that are safe for you to keep in your room. They are all in your suitcase, there by your feet. We had to remove a few things, but we hold on to them. You will be able to have them when you need them. You can't keep items like hair sprays, nail files, and make-up, things like that. It's just procedure.”

”Do I need to take some things home with me?” Mom asked her.

”You can take whatever you don't want us to hold. We just lock up those other things until she needs them. She can ask for her things like make up and nail files in the morning at grooming time, but she just can't keep them in her possession.”

I rolled my eyes. Yep, I thought, why didn't I think of that? I could kill myself with a lipstick and some hair spray. I could just picture it. I felt myself chuckle when my stomach jumped. I must have sounded strange, because the nurse said, ”Bless you,” as if I had sneezed. Better she thought I had sneezed than laughed.

”How old are you, Kristen?” Nurse Habersham asked.

”She's seventeen,” Mom spoke up for me. ”Her eighteenth birthday isn't for another month and a half.”

”Okay. Kristen, you are going to be on the Adolescent Ward with peers around your age.” Nurse Habersham explained.

I would have preferred to go to the ward with the adults. Maybe there would be a lot of old and quiet people. They would leave me alone and not tease me like the other kids did.

”Are you still in school, Kristen?” Nurse Habersham asked.

”I'm home schooled, but I will be graduating soon.”

”Home school,” she repeated. ”Well, if she is to keep up with her schooling, you can bring her books and homework to her. Since it is summertime, we don't have study hall during the day. Study hall is only during the school year. If Kristen's home schooling is year-round, then she could take time during her free periods to study.”

Mom nodded. I sat still, staring down at my hands. They rested on top of my knees.

The nurse excused herself and went to the door. She spoke very low to someone who was standing out there. I turned to Mom.

”Mom? Where are Nick and Alison?” I asked.

Mom said, ”They are with their aunt and uncle.”

I shuddered as I thought about what that meant. A sharp pain went through my chest. Jonathan Sr. and Mariah were Nick and Alison's aunt and uncle. Mom hadn't cut ties with them, even after she and Jack had divorced. It was nice of them to look after my brother and sister while Mom couldn't. It just meant that they knew. If they knew, then John knew. If John knew, then Lexus knew.

Something landed on my lap. I looked down. It was a hospital gown. I looked back up. Another nurse had come in and tossed it to me. Nurse Habersham was still there. She was talking to Mom now and showing her out the door. I was confused as to what was going on.

”I need you to take off all of your clothes except your underwear, and put that gown on,” the new nurse said kindly. ”I'll be back.” She stepped out of the room.

I changed out of my clothes, feeling strange. When I was in the gown and out of my clothes, I sat and waited for the nurse to come back in. She had great timing. She came back in with my chart, a pen, and she was wearing a pair of elastic gloves.

She asked me a bunch of questions. ”Any stomach aches? Headaches? Do you have asthma? Kidney problems? Vomiting? Diarrhea?

I shook my head no to all of the above. Then she stood up. ”I'm going to examine you quickly for any scars or wounds that you have coming in here, and I'll also check your vitals. When I am finished, you can put your clothes back on.”

I stood up. She stood before me and raised my arms. She pressed on my tummy, my ribs, and my abdomen. I couldn't help but giggle. She somehow made it tickle. It was funny how she and the doctor were the only ones since Dad who could make me ticklish. They were the only ones who seemed to have that magic, ticklish touch. They knew exactly where to find that spot on my tummy where I was hiding the rest of the little girl that was left inside of me.

I wondered how much of that little girl was left inside of me. Things seemed to happen so fast in life. I'd lost so much time. I had to keep finding the way to make myself deal with things instead of going to Mommy and Dad to help. Dad wasn't there. There was only Jack. The monster had made me too scared. Mom had been blinded by darkness, and I couldn't reach her without any light. It didn't seem like there would ever be any light.

The nurse continued to search me from head to toe. I saw her face as she saw all of my old scars. Her face sank in sadness. I remembered where most of the scars had come from, and how I'd been too angry with myself to leave my room sometimes. I'd taken a piece of something sharp, like the back of my earring, and had sc.r.a.ped it hard onto my skin until it had bled or until the pain had been so thick and satisfying that I could stop. My breathing had been so hard and heavy from my head pounding. I'd felt my heart beat in my brain. I'd sucked in the atmosphere and accepted my punishment for being alive and having to be there. Sometimes I'd even completely forgotten why I had done it in the first place.

The nurse finally finished poking at me. She listened to my breathing through a stethoscope and then she wanted me to drop my gown. Nervously, I did what she asked. There I stood, in nothing but my cotton, white underwear. She did another search of my legs, back, chest, and arms. She seemed to be counting under her breath. She asked me how old some of the fresher looking scars were. She even asked how some of them got there. I wanted her to take a wild guess. She knew, but she was being like Dr. Cuvo, trying to make me think about it.

She stretched out my arms and squeezed my heavily bandaged wrists. I shuddered in pain. ”Oh, I'm so sorry,” she apologized. Then she stopped and looked at me. ”What happened?”

I shrugged my shoulders.

”You don't know what happened to your wrists?”

I stayed quiet and stared down at the floor. I just wanted to go home. Getting frustrated, the nurse gave up on me and told me to get dressed. She left the room.

I started putting my clothes back on. I bent over to put on my shoes, and something fell out of my pocket. It was something s.h.i.+ny. As I looked closer, I realized what it was. It was my sterling silver b.u.t.terfly pendant. I picked it up off the floor, and stared at it closely. If I had been caught with this, they would have definitely taken it away. I used to have a lace string that looped through one of its sharp wings so I could wear it around my neck. I'd just started carrying it in my pocket so that no one could see how sharp I had kept its wings. It was easy to sharpen on any hard rock. The wings were so sharp that I could run the pendant across my skin without pressing, and a line of blood would break through. I loved it. I could always keep Mr. Sharp near me.

”Who's Mr. Sharp?” Lexus had asked once, when we were kids. Lexus had been my best friend for a long time.

We had been sitting in my bedroom for hours, trying to figure out what we wanted to do with ourselves until Lexus' parents came to get us. They were letting me come over to Lexus' house for the weekend. I was so excited. I loved going over to Lexus' house.

Lexus and I became friends when I was in the sixth grade. She was in eighth grade. We both didn't really like each other at first because she used to be popular in middle school, and I was more like a social reject. She was two years older than I was, and at that age, we thought that two years was too big of a gap for us to have anything in common.

Lexus was beautiful. She had long, flowing hair that she always wore out, and her mom let her wear make-up. I kept my shorter hair in a ponytail, and Mom didn't let me wear make-up in middle school. Not many boys paid attention to me, and the girls made fun of me for not looking like them. It just so happened that one day, at a company picnic for the advertising company that Mom worked for, Lexus and I spotted our parents greeting each other. It turned out that Lexus' dad was on the same work team as my mom. They found out that Lexus and I went to the same school. Days after the picnic, our parents used Lexus and me as a good excuse to meet up and have play dates.

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