Part 12 (1/2)

Momof.u.ku: I I ( (still) want to meet you. want to meet you.ENOUGH ALREADY. YOU SHOULD WANT SOMETHING ELSE.

”OK,” Zen typed. ”In the next five seconds, tell me how you're going to do it.”

”Five seconds?”

Zen sent another link. This one led to the page on Amazon j.a.pan for Zen's newest book, Wow Meetings. Wow Meetings. A line of marketing copy under the t.i.tle said, ”Based on the management coaching philosophy of Jew Howard Goldman!” Howard was the management coach we had hired at our start-up, and Zen considered him a mentor. A line of marketing copy under the t.i.tle said, ”Based on the management coaching philosophy of Jew Howard Goldman!” Howard was the management coach we had hired at our start-up, and Zen considered him a mentor.

”You make it sound like Jew is his t.i.tle,” I typed.

”Andy, it's a term of respect.”

Zen explained that quickly coming up with ideas was a tenet of Wow Meetings Wow Meetings, though a similar concept also appears in Wow Method Wow Method under the heading ”Answer Your Big Question in Five Seconds.” Adopting speed chess as a metaphor, Zen a.s.serts that 86 percent of all moves are just as good as moves the same players would make without time limits. Of course, it's virtually impossible to know what a player would do in the exact same situation without a time limit, so Zen had obviously made up the figure. I decided to go along anyway. under the heading ”Answer Your Big Question in Five Seconds.” Adopting speed chess as a metaphor, Zen a.s.serts that 86 percent of all moves are just as good as moves the same players would make without time limits. Of course, it's virtually impossible to know what a player would do in the exact same situation without a time limit, so Zen had obviously made up the figure. I decided to go along anyway.

”I could write him a letter.”

”You've never written him a letter?”

”I e-mailed his PR people a bunch of times, but I guess I've never written directly to him.”

”I find that when I write a letter directly to the person I'm trying to meet, my success rate in hearing back from that person jumps thirty-six percent.”

Another made-up number, to be sure, but I was grateful for Zen's support.

”By when will you write the letter?” Zen asked.

Wow Meetings, I learned later, was all about making clear commitments with firm deadlines. I learned later, was all about making clear commitments with firm deadlines.

”How about in the next hour?”

”Wow,” Zen typed back.

I could have written it faster in English, but I felt that I would make more of an impact by sending the letter in j.a.panese.

I typed out a draft.

Dear Mr. Ando,j.a.pan must be in the rainy season now. Are the hydrangeas in bloom?I'm an American writer, currently living in San Francisco, on the west coast of the United States. I can write in j.a.panese because of a study-abroad program I did almost twenty years ago in Tokyo. In those days, the automated teller machines were only open on weekdays from nine to five, and I often forgot to withdraw cash before the weekends. I survived many weekends with only a few hundred yen in my pocket thanks to your instant ramen.I have been moved by many of your famous sayings, such as ”Mankind is noodlekind” and ”Peace follows from a full stomach.” Recently I have been reading your books, and I find myself wanting to hear your thoughts directly. In particular, I'm still unsure why you set out to invent instant ramen after losing all of your money.I would very much like to meet you, and I'm wondering if it would be possible to arrange an interview. I can visit j.a.pan this summer, and would be grateful for any time you can spare.Sincerely, Andy Raskin I e-mailed the letter to Zen so he could check my j.a.panese, and he made several edits. He struck the part about the ATMs because he felt it would be better if I sounded like a man who always walked around with only a few hundred yen in my pocket. He also changed the closing salutation from ”Sincerely” to ”Praying that these sentiments have reached your heart, I am . . .”

”Do you have his mailing address?” Zen typed.

I didn't, but then I remembered a Brady Bunch Brady Bunch episode where Bobby takes a photograph of Greg's football game and blows it up to find out if one of the players stepped out of bounds. It might have been a real episode where Bobby takes a photograph of Greg's football game and blows it up to find out if one of the players stepped out of bounds. It might have been a real Brady Bunch Brady Bunch episode, or it might have been a dream. (As a child, I often dreamed that I was a friend of the Brady kids, and that they would invite me over for lunch.) I connected my digital camera to my computer and downloaded the photos of Ando's front gate. I zoomed in on the ANDO nameplate. episode, or it might have been a dream. (As a child, I often dreamed that I was a friend of the Brady kids, and that they would invite me over for lunch.) I connected my digital camera to my computer and downloaded the photos of Ando's front gate. I zoomed in on the ANDO nameplate.

The address was right under the kanji characters for Ando's name!

I sent the letter by Federal Express, and after two days, checked the tracking number. The letter had been delivered and signed for by ”M. Ando.”

I e-mailed Zen: ”That's either Momof.u.ku or Masako!”

Three days later, I received another express mail envelope. It came so quickly that I never imagined it could be a response. Unfortunately, Ando hadn't written it.

Mr. Raskin:Greetings. I apologize for taking so much time to write back.Unlike America, j.a.pan is now in the middle of the rainy season. It's one rainy day after the next.It is wonderful that you read Mr. Ando's books, that you identified with his thoughts, and that you desire a meeting with him.Unfortunately, Mr. Ando is very busy with his daily duties. In addition, he is ninety-six years old. So I am going to have to deny your request to set up an appointment with him. I wish that I could have been more helpful in realizing your desire, but I hope you will understand that it is very difficult.However, if you like, you are welcome to visit Ikeda City's Instant Ramen Invention Museum, where you can learn more about Ando's philosophy and the history of instant ramen. I am sure that one of our Public Relations staff members would be happy to be your guide.I hope you will consider it.

Praying for your continued success, Kazuhiro Fujioka Manager, Secretary Division Nissin Food Products Co., Ltd.

There was obviously poor interdepartmental communication at Nissin, because this Fujioka seemed unaware of my previous attempt to meet Ando and my visit to the museum. I was about to throw out the envelope, when I felt something inside. I reached in and pulled it out. It was a small green book.

The book was t.i.tled Praise the Appet.i.te Praise the Appet.i.te and it was a newly published collection of Ando's short, food-themed essays. Most were about his invention of instant ramen, but not all. In ”I Am a Salad Bar Man,” he proclaimed a preference for simple foods (like salad) over lavish meals when traveling abroad. An essay about fish began with the line, ”Striped ba.s.s brings up certain memories.” In ”Instant Ramen Finally Reaches Outer s.p.a.ce,” he summarized Nissin's successful effort to develop a version of instant ramen that could be prepared and consumed in zero gravity. First enjoyed by j.a.panese astronaut Soichi Noguchi aboard s.p.a.ce Shuttle and it was a newly published collection of Ando's short, food-themed essays. Most were about his invention of instant ramen, but not all. In ”I Am a Salad Bar Man,” he proclaimed a preference for simple foods (like salad) over lavish meals when traveling abroad. An essay about fish began with the line, ”Striped ba.s.s brings up certain memories.” In ”Instant Ramen Finally Reaches Outer s.p.a.ce,” he summarized Nissin's successful effort to develop a version of instant ramen that could be prepared and consumed in zero gravity. First enjoyed by j.a.panese astronaut Soichi Noguchi aboard s.p.a.ce Shuttle Discovery Discovery (on July 26, 2005), s.p.a.ce Ram came in a basic soy sauce flavor and-in response to Noguchi's requests-also in curry, miso, and (on July 26, 2005), s.p.a.ce Ram came in a basic soy sauce flavor and-in response to Noguchi's requests-also in curry, miso, and tonkotsu tonkotsu varieties. varieties.

Many of the stories in the book had been recycled from previous collections, but Ando had written a new introduction. It began, My life has been one of ups and downs. I experienced difficulties in my work, and I faced hards.h.i.+ps. Many times I tasted despair. At my lowest point, I lost all of my wealth, but I put all of my trust in what seemed like a tiny desire. . . . I made the decision that food would be my life's work, and then I was saved.

Ando continued by talking about the importance of food in society, but then there was this: Human beings have all kinds of desires. Some we must hide. Some, as we get older, we must learn to control. Perhaps it is only the desire for food that we can continue to indulge without shame.

What kind of desires, I wondered, was Ando talking about that he had to control?

In the back of the book, a bibliography listed Ando's previously published work, including Noodle Road Noodle Road, Peace Follows from a Full Stomach, Peace Follows from a Full Stomach, and the autobiographies. There was one t.i.tle, though, that I had never seen before: and the autobiographies. There was one t.i.tle, though, that I had never seen before: Kukyo kara no Da.s.shutsu.

Da.s.shutsu means ”to escape.” The first character of that word, means ”to escape.” The first character of that word,, is the same as the first one in da.s.sara da.s.sara. As for kukyo kukyo, I knew the meanings of the two characters, but not the combined word. Looking it up in my Kenkyusha j.a.panese-English dictionary, I discovered that kukyo kukyo is a fancy word for ”difficulty.” is a fancy word for ”difficulty.”

In 1992, Momof.u.ku Ando auth.o.r.ed a book called How to Escape from Difficulty How to Escape from Difficulty.

The book was out of print, but I found it in the online catalog of a Kyoto bookseller. The company wouldn't s.h.i.+p to the United States, so I had it mailed to Zen, who forwarded it to me. The jacket showed a s.h.i.+mmering white sphere with a long rainbow tail. I had read enough about Ando to know that the image was a reference to Halley's Comet.

How to Escape from Difficulty was yet another telling of Ando's life story. Based largely on his previous autobiographies, it included the episode about being tortured during World War II, and the two years he spent in Sugamo Prison fighting charges of tax evasion. This book, however, started at a different point, and it was organized in a different way. Namely, it began with Ando losing everything in the credit a.s.sociation debacle. Then it described a transformation that took place in his soul, and how that transformation enabled him to invent instant ramen. The key to the transformation, he wrote, was his realization that, his entire life, he had suffered under a delusion. He called this delusion the Fundamental Misunderstanding of Humanity. was yet another telling of Ando's life story. Based largely on his previous autobiographies, it included the episode about being tortured during World War II, and the two years he spent in Sugamo Prison fighting charges of tax evasion. This book, however, started at a different point, and it was organized in a different way. Namely, it began with Ando losing everything in the credit a.s.sociation debacle. Then it described a transformation that took place in his soul, and how that transformation enabled him to invent instant ramen. The key to the transformation, he wrote, was his realization that, his entire life, he had suffered under a delusion. He called this delusion the Fundamental Misunderstanding of Humanity.

SHOULD NEVER QUIT A JOB BEFORE YOU HAVE A NEW JOB. Dear Momof.u.ku, Dear Momof.u.ku, Is there any better way to prove to Dr. G that I am not a father-hating boy than to take up sailing?I enroll in sailing camp, and on the first day, I look around at my cla.s.smates. Sharon is one of them.In the pool, she barely noticed me. But now when I look at her, she meets my gaze. We practice sailing in small boats called Blue Jays, and Sharon goes out of her way to get a.s.signed to my Blue Jay. She calls me on the phone one night, and we talk about the Blue Jays and the other kids and about the sailing instructors. She calls the next night, too.”Is she your girlfriend?” my father asks at the dinner table.YOU SHOULD NOT ADMIT THIS, BECAUSE IF YOU DO, THEN IT WILL MEAN THAT YOU ARE A s.e.xUAL PERSON, AND HOW CONCEITED WOULD THAT BE?”No.”My father doesn't believe me. ”Love is blind,” he says, ”but the neighbors ain't!”I never kiss Sharon, because I'm too shy. Somehow, though, just knowing that a girl is interested in me, I feel better about myself.”I'm feeling better about myself,” I tell Dr. G.”Let's run some tests,” he says.Dr. G runs the exact same tests-the same sentence completions, the same inkblots, the same drawing exercises. Perhaps he has forgotten how well I scored last time on the memory portion.In the next session, he shows my parents the evidence for how much I have changed.”My father helps me with my homework helps me with my homework.””I want to go fis.h.i.+ng fis.h.i.+ng.”My drawing of an adult female includes two prominent semicircles on her chest.Dr. G says I can stop seeing him, so I do.I consider Sharon to be my girlfriend, even though we have never kissed. But one afternoon, I see her out on a Blue Jay with another boy. He's the son of a famous sailmaker.YOU SHOULD FORGET ABOUT HER BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY SHE'S GOING TO BE MORE INTERESTED IN HIM. HE'S TALL AND HE HAS BLOND HAIR, AND HE'S THE SON OF A SAILMAKER. YOU SHOULD NOT TELL HER YOU'RE JEALOUS BECAUSE THAT WOULD MAKE YOU LOOK WEAK AND LIKE AN IDIOT. WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IS PRETEND THAT YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT HER ANYMORE SO THAT SHE CAN'T HURT YOU FIRST.The next night, I call another girl from the camp.

Sincerely, Andy

”Are you hungry?” my mother asked.

It was Thanksgiving, and she had just met me at the baggage claim in Kennedy Airport. I thought about making a crack about Woody Allen, but instead I just hugged her.

By transcribing the voice in my head, I had learned to recognize it in others. When my mother asked me about being hungry, I felt its presence. It was telling her that she needed to keep me well fed in order to be a good mother. Had it told her that she was a bad mother when I cried as a child? Had it somehow been responsible for her las.h.i.+ng out at me? I wondered, too, if she had inherited the voice from her mother, and I realized that she probably had. Grandma Millie died in a car accident caused by a teenager who ran a stop sign, and after we all cried for a month, Grandma Millie's friends told us that she had been stockpiling sleeping pills in case her body deteriorated to where she couldn't take care of herself. The voice in Grandma Millie's head told her that she shouldn't be a burden on her children or her grandchildren. She must have inherited the voice from her parents, who must have inherited it from their parents.

”What's new?” I asked my mother.

We were in the Denali now, exiting the short-term parking lot.

”Not too much. Oh! Your father's walking across Long Island.”

”What do you mean, he's walking across it?”

”He joined a club. They print maps, you know, trails that connect up across the Island. Some go east-west, some go up and down.”

”How long does it take to walk across?”

”Depends if you're going east-west or up and down. He does a little section one day, and then another section the next. He's going tomorrow to do one of the sections. You should go with him before all the relatives arrive for dinner. It'll be nice. A father-and-son walk.”

Momof.u.ku: I want to walk across Long Island with my father. I want to walk across Long Island with my father.HE DOESN'T REALLY WANT TO WALK WITH YOU. IT'S JUST YOUR MOTHER FORCING HIM INTO IT.