Part 5 (1/2)

He raised an eyebrow and then his gaze searched for the ring on my finger. He nodded. ”That's great, congratulations.” There was something in his eyes. Hurt? Disappointment? ”I'm sure your husband won't mind if you had coffee with an old friend ... for old time's sake?” He looked around at the racks of bras and panties. ”Not converse inside a shop filled with s.e.xy lingerie.” A small smile tipped his lips, just enough to turn my knees to pudding. d.a.m.n, he was hot.

My heart rose and then crashed hard at my feet. ”Actually ...” I hugged my purse to myself and looked past him at Nolan who stood at the car his gaze fixed on the door of the lingerie store. He was now on the phone, ”he will.”

Dustin shook his head and then nodded. ”Fine. How about we exchange numbers, keep in touch?”

I desperately wanted to say no. I had to refuse, but my old, carefree self wouldn't let me. The man I had liked so much in high school had returned in my life and he wanted nothing more than my number. It didn't mean anything, right? We might not even end up calling each other. People exchanged numbers all the time and sometimes they lost them. Before the reprimanding side of me took over, I pulled a receipt out of my Gucci bag, and using my purse as a table, quickly scribbled my number down. I handed it to him quickly, making sure his fingers didn't touch mine. His presence was enough to drive me crazy. I wouldn't be able to handle his touch.

Dustin grinned brightly as he folded the receipt and stuffed it into his breast pocket. He leaned forward. ”I'll call you,” he whispered. ”I never could forget you Haley Bradley. I'll keep in touch.” He kissed me on the cheek and disappeared out of the boutique, leaving me behind with an empty hole in my heart.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN.

I sighed with relief when I entered the bedroom and Jude wasn't there. Then I felt the sting of guilt for not wanting to see my own husband. I sank down onto the bed and touched my earlobe, the ear Dustin had whispered into earlier.

I closed my eyes and for a moment I felt the whisper of Dustin's words and his breath caressing my ear and cheek. I inhaled his ocean-fresh cologne. Fire flared inside my heart and I blushed. Eyes still closed, I imagined him as the pimply boy he used to be and tried to connect that with the s.e.xy man he had turned into. The same feeling his presence in high school had elicited in me was still there, that p.r.i.c.kle on my skin like electricity.

I sighed again deeply and felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise. My eyes flew open and my heart jumped to my throat. Jude was standing in the doorway, his hands in his pockets, eyes narrowed.

He watched me with an intensity that made me feel as if he were gazing straight into my hidden thoughts, as if he could see I had been thinking of another man.

”Jude ... hmm ... hi.” I stood up and turned my back to him, unpacking the shopping bags, hiding my flushed cheeks.

He was quiet for a few beats, making me nervous. When he spoke, his voice was not his but that of a stranger, the man that frightened the living c.r.a.p out of me.

”I have this feeling that something has changed.” He moved farther into the room until he was standing right behind me, his heat touching me. ”You don't love me anymore. Tell me I'm wrong.”

For a moment I wondered if ”anymore” was the right word. Had I really loved Jude or just talked myself into loving him out of grat.i.tude?

Jude was waiting for an answer, but the words froze inside my throat. Dustin had reminded me of the girl I had lost, my past self. He had been yet another reminder that I was stuck in a life I didn't want, a marriage that was killing me.

”Say something,” Jude whispered in the same ear as Dustin earlier, but his words were harsh. ”You still love me, Haley, am I correct?”

Before I could think of what to say, something to appease him, a crack broke the silence between us and fire exploded on my scalp, pain like that caused by sharp needles. Suddenly I was yanked backward, stumbling into his arms. I yelped with agony and he released my ponytail. Then as I caught my breath he spun me around to face him. He hugged me tight. Too tight. My breath came in quick, shallow gasps as he pressed me against his hard body.

I managed to force a whisper. ”Let me go.”

”Never,” he said gruffly into my hair, and I heard him inhale sharply. ”You belong to me, Haley. Forever. Don't you forget that. I own you. You love me. Say it, baby.” His voice dared me to say no.

”I ...” I croaked as he squeezed me tighter, as though attempting to force the words out of my mouth. I pushed against his muscular chest. No chance. My strength couldn't match his. ”Love ... You.”

Apparently satisfied, he released me and shoved me so hard I fell to the floor beside the bed. ”Good.”

He took a step toward me and I curled up into a ball, my heart pounding loudly in my ears. This was definitely a different man standing before me. A stranger.

”Now, I want you to show me how much you love me.” He grabbed my ponytail again and yanked me to my feet, tossing me on the bed.

Then he was on top of me, tugging my skirt and pantyhose down, spreading my legs while unzipping his trousers.

Pain choked me when he roughly entered me and started to grind into me, his sweat dripping onto my face, his face stone cold, his eyes dark and unreadable. In a flash, it occurred to me what was happening. He had no intention of making love to me. He was raping me, taking what he believed was his. My feelings, my emotions didn't matter. He was making a statement, warning me that he would hurt me if I disobeyed him.

The tears that slid down my cheekbones and into my ears were hot and unhindered. The harder he slammed into me, the deeper he plunged, the more I trembled under his weight from fear and pain. In that moment, another piece of me splintered and broke.

He held my hands tightly above my head, pinning me down with his body, making it impossible for me to move. I could only pray that it would end soon.

When he finally came, he slumped on top of me and groaned deeply. Then he pulled out, and zipped up his pants. He walked out of the room without looking back.

As I lay on our bed curled up into a ball, smarting from his touch, I knew something for certain. Marrying Jude Macknight had been a dangerous mistake. But some mistakes can't be fixed. I belonged to him. I had no choice but to pay the price.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN.

I looked forward to days when Jude went to the office, when I could steal a few hours of peace. These days, unfortunately, were becoming rare.

I stood at the bathroom window and watched his car pull up. He was back home early for the third time this week.

I watched him climb out his Jeep, looking sharp and precise as usual. Even from upstairs, I could see there was not a curl out of place and not a wrinkle on his dark suit, which stood out against the late summer leaves in the sunlight. He was always so put together, while I was falling apart. Just watching him made my stomach twist with disgust.

Why couldn't he go away for a while? He hadn't been on a business trip in two months. Every time he was home, my stomach was constantly in knots and I walked on eggsh.e.l.ls. Even when he was out of sight, inside his home office, I felt his presence near me.

Since the day he'd raped me, things had only worsened between us. He hardly spoke to me at anymore and when he did, I was usually so surprised I didn't know what to say to him. The only connection was s.e.x. A connection I wanted to break desperately. He was now determined more than ever to get me pregnant.

s.e.x with him was now rougher, shorter, raw, and so frequent that my body forgot how to rid itself of the aches he left behind. Every chance he got, he pinched me, slapped me, bit me. Anything that made me cry out in agony. It disgusted me to think that hurting me turned him on.

He took what he wanted, when he wanted it, and didn't care whether I was up for it or not. My needs, my feelings, no longer mattered. Every time he entered me, I became less his wife and more his s.e.x slave. A toy with no feelings.

Wincing from the memory of his firm grip on my bruised thigh this morning, I unwrapped the towel from around my body and took a long, hot shower, scrubbing myself until my skin was raw. Disobeying his rule, I had locked the bathroom. What more could he do to me that he hadn't done already?

When I was done, I pulled on a bathrobe and went down to the kitchen for breakfast. Jude was probably in his office because I didn't b.u.mp into him.

As soon as Lin saw me walk in, she turned away from the door and busied herself at the stove. ”Mrs. Macknight, I make eggs, bacon, okay?” Over the past few weeks, I noticed that Lin had started asking me what I wanted to eat instead of just cooking what Jude wanted. She was doing little things to show she cared.

I sank into one of the stools at the marble kitchen island. ”You don't have to do that, Lin. I can make my own breakfast.” To h.e.l.l with what Jude thought. A part of me just didn't care anymore. ”Take the day off.”

”Thank you, Mrs. Macknight.” Lin mumbled and quickly left the kitchen, her gaze still averted.

My face grew hot with humiliation. She knew. She knew what was going on, what Jude was doing to me. Lin had surely figured out that I was a prisoner in my own home. That I was trapped in a place I couldn't bear to be but also couldn't leave. If Jude hurt me under our own roof, what would he do to me if I walked out the door and left him?

Over the past month, I had been tempted to risk it, to disappear somewhere where he couldn't find me. But he had money while I had nothing to my name-he now controlled every dime I spent, so saving was not an option. He would be hard to hide from. And he knew my fears. As soon as I left, the first thing he would probably do was call the cops on me, put me in jail where I should have been in the first place.