Part 20 (1/2)

[Ill.u.s.tration]

SUNDAY

MONDAY (862 B.C.) Jonah took the first trip in a submarine.

TUESDAY (753 B.C.) Romulus and Remus open a milk route.

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY (1709) Pianoforte invented by Bartolommeo Cristofori. His a.s.sa.s.sination soon follows.

SAt.u.r.dAY

SEPTEMBER

It is better to laugh at a joke you don't understand than to weep over the efforts of your friend to explain it.

LITTLE STUDIES IN NATURAL HISTORY

_How to Trim Rich Relations._

This is a very dangerous and delicate operation as the subjects can only be approached when they are asleep.

Provide yourself with a black-jack, a bottle of chloroform and a sponge. About three in the morning enter the room where the Richest Relation is sleeping. Going noiselessly to the bed, hold the sponge saturated with chloroform above the Richest Relation's nose. As his sleep becomes more profound, lower the sponge, and finally, with a quick motion, jam it in his mouth. Then strike his head with the black-jack, using all your strength. Rich Relations are suspicious and you cannot be too careful in business matters. This done, cut out the gold, silver, or bills, from his pockets, and any jewels or trinkets that you may find.

Note: In most cases it will not be necessary to kill the subject before you can do the tr.i.m.m.i.n.g.

[Sidenote: _Health Hint_: While sleeping it is best to lie on the right side; also while awake.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: It's always harvest time for me. The trusts.]

SUNDAY (1629) First theater in America established in Boston. Patti opened theater with first farewell performance.

MONDAY

TUESDAY ”The bathing dresses are very pretty, but I'm sure I can't imagine where they buy such long stockings.”

--Aunt Mary's letter from the seash.o.r.e.