Part 9 (1/2)

FRIDAY

SAt.u.r.dAY

APRIL

The wind may be tempered to the shorn lamb, but the wolf gets equal benefit, just the same.

FORECAST FOR MAY

From the 1st to the 10th spring house-cleaning will take place. Look out for soft soap on the stairs. Meals will be served to gentlemen down town. There is no place like home during spring house-cleaning--this is why home is so generally avoided during that period.

From the 10th to the 20th buds will burst with deafening reports and the gra.s.s will do some fancy shooting.

From the latter date to the end of the month people will discard their woolens for pneumonia.

The zodiacal sign for May is Gemini, or twins. If you see a stork skulking about your residence, shoot it. May is an open month on storks.

[Sidenote: _Gardening Note_: If you sow wild oats you are likely to reap a crop of ”tares.”]

[Sidenote: _To Break a Will_--See a lawyer.]

[Sidenote: _To Break a Bill_--See a doctor.]

[Sidenote: _To Break a Till_--See a burglar.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: Those stars hold the stage. Take yer hat off.]

SUNDAY

MONDAY (1906) Congress decided, after a long and heated discussion, that only filtered water should be used in the Panama Ca.n.a.l.

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY (1906) Ruth St. Denis, bare of waist and limbs, wins approval of Boston society by outdoing Little Egypt.

THURSDAY (1906, next day) Pure-minded society people of Boston refuse to admit Maxim Gorky and his near-wife.

FRIDAY

SAt.u.r.dAY ”You can fool all of the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time.”