Part 28 (2/2)

I met this bird downtown, thought Arthur, choking down a hysterical giggle.

He parted Trillian's lips with his thumb and took a deep breath.

I'm nervous. Why am I nervous?

'Go on, man. Do it!'

This bird was really pushy.

Arthur bobbed a little, then dived in. Their lips locked and Arthur sealed the corners with his thumbs, then blew. There was no reaction initially; it felt to Arthur like he was blowing into a tunnel. Then Trillian's arms came up around his neck and she kissed him pa.s.sionately.

What? Unexpected. Once upon a time this kiss would have been a dream come true.

Arthur pulled back and saw that Trillian's eyes were open and gla.s.sy with tears.

'Arthur... I thought...'

And Arthur immediately understood. 'It's Wowbagger. You love him.'

Once, this realization would have shattered Arthur's world, if he'd had a world to shatter, but now all he felt was a deep empathy for Trillian, who was about to lose her love as he had lost his.

'Yes, I do love him,' said Trillian, nodding, and the motion set rivulets of tears flowing down her cheeks. 'Something happened in dark s.p.a.ce to speed up the falling in love falling in love process. Where is he?' process. Where is he?'

Arthur glanced into the scorched meadow just in time to see Wowbagger begin his ascent to the stratosphere. And being well aware of his record of tactlessness, Arthur tried to say something non-specific. 'Oh... He's around. You rest here, I'll go and get him.'

Random watched Wowbagger shoot off into the sky, but the sight did not fill her with a sense of triumph as she had believed it would. In fact, she felt that in some tiny way she herself might be a little responsible for the friction that had existed between them. This feeling soon pa.s.sed and the triumph came flooding in.

That's right, you green freak. Off you go to the afterlife.

tiny voice: How could you? Green freak? You fought for equality for all species throughout the Galaxy. How little it takes to strip away your veneer.

Shut up, thought Random. You're not real. You never happened and, anyway, the green freak kissed my mother You're not real. You never happened and, anyway, the green freak kissed my mother.

Up and up Wowbagger went, flailing all the way, until he disappeared altogether.

And that's what happens when you put Random Dent in a tube.

Arthur appeared before her, arms crossed, body language shouting 'I am not happy'.

'What did you do, Random?'

Random crossed her own arms. 'Nothing. What are you talking about?'

'You gave Thor something, I saw you. And suddenly he's able to hurt Wowbagger. So I'm going to ask you again: What did you do?'

Random was not about to be broken that easily. 'And I'm going to tell you again: I didn't do anything.'

'What is it, Random? Do you want to punish your mother, is that it?'

'No.'

'Why are you doing this to her? Can't you see she's in love with that Wowbagger person? You may not like it, but that's the way it is.'

'You're right. I don't like it.'

'So you're helping Thor.'

Random was stony-faced. 'I'm way over here. How could I be helping Thor?'

Arthur tried another tack. 'Weren't you in love, Random? Don't you remember how that felt?'

Random jerked back as though slapped, and her hand flew instinctively to her chest, to the spot where her beloved Fertle used to nestle.

'Yes, I remember love. My love is gone, so why should she be happy?'

'You're doing this because Trillian left you?'

'Yes, she left me, but I succeeded in spite of her. All those years slaving in a clerk's office, working my way up. But I did it.'

Arthur gripped his daughter's shoulder and stared deep into her eyes, past the resonance of dark s.p.a.ce, through to the volatile, compa.s.sionate girl inside.

'You didn't do it. There was no clerk's office. And Trillian did not desert you for decades, she left you with your father for a week while she went on a job. That's all she did. Nothing worse than that. You were the one who brought us all to Earth and you were the one who created your own bitter existence. It was all you, Random. So stop being so utterly selfish and tell me how to save that poor man.'

This was a pretty good argument. Random could see that she had underestimated her father.

'But...'

'No buts!' Arthur thundered just like a real dad. 'Tell me now, young lady.'

Suddenly the dark mist cleared and Random could see the truth of what she was doing. Emotion welled up in her young heart and she admitted her guilt with a tut and rolling of the eyes, which is more than you'd get out of most adolescents.

'Take a step back, Arthur. You don't have to be so dramatic about it. Okay, I may have given Thor a couple of elastic bands that Wowbagger is allergic to. Possibly. Is that enough of a confession for you, Arthur Arthur, or should I fall to my knees and beg for forgiveness?'

Arthur was rather enjoying the rush of paternal power. 'You, young lady,' he said, 'can call me ”Daddy”. For at least ten more years.'

Charged with success, Arthur strode manfully to the centre of the scorched X, where Zaphod was ma.s.saging Thor's shoulder.

I cannot believe I'm about to do this again, he thought, but not too loudly in case his legs heard and turned him round.

'I haven't really hit someone in so long,' Thor was saying. 'I should practise, I know, but you get lazy. Nice arc to the swing though, should look great in slo-mo.'

'Is he dead?'

Thor c.o.c.ked an ear to the sky. 'Nope. I can hear him coughing. He's hurt though, badly. He's certainly not the man he was. One more whack should definitely do it.'

Ford arrived in the centre at the same time as Arthur.

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