Part 29 (1/2)

'Hey, guys, you know this isn't really fun any more.'

Thor sighed. 'You know, I was thinking that. If there was a fight or something, the heroic struggle, but this is just me, the big guy, beating a little guy.'

Arthur folded his arms and gave Zaphod the Daddy look. 'That's right, which is why this whole thing stops right now.'

Zaphod stared back. 'Are we playing a face game? No blinking, is it?'

'No, Zaphod, this is not a game. You two have had your fun. Now it's time to end it.'

'I'd love that,' said Zaphod. 'I would honestly, but there's a lot riding on this fight. Thor's entire career, my fifteen per cent. I'm afraid Wowbagger has to go.'

'Don't forget the Fat a.r.s.e thing.'

Arthur was shocked. 'Ford! Why would you bring that up?'

'Oh, sorry. That wasn't helpful, was it?'

Arthur was feeling quite intimidated with Thor's codpiece throwing a shadow over him, but he persevered.

'The thing of it is, Zaphod, Mr Thor, the thing is that Trillian has grown fond of Wowbagger, more than fond, in fact. And what sort of father to her daughter would I be if I didn't try to intervene on his behalf?'

Thor frowned. 'Why do you look vaguely familiar? Things aren't usually vaguely familiar to me I either know them or I don't.'

Arthur's legs very much wanted to a.s.sume control and run faster than they had since he'd sprinted to stop his mother perusing his special spiral pad with the cut-out photos from the Blue Peter Blue Peter presenters' annual. presenters' annual.

'We've talked before. At a flying party. You tried to pick up a friend of mine.'

'Pick up? What kind of pick up?'

'You know the kind where you lift something off the ground?'

'Yes.'

'Well, not that kind.'

Thor rubbed his forehead as though still hung-over. 'That explains it. I lost enough brain cells at that party to power the Imperial Government for a century.' The Thunder G.o.d took a step to one side. 'He's coming down.'

'You did your best, Earthman, and I applaud you,' snapped Zaphod. 'Now get lost while my client does what he he does best.' does best.'

'I can't walk away, Zaphod,' said Arthur stubbornly. 'I could never look Trillian in the eye. And you will never be able to sleep at night if you go ahead with this.'

'My conscience will be clear.'

'It's not your conscience I'd be worried about.'

Zaphod frowned. 'And what should I be worried about? Spell it out, man. You know I can't read between the lines.'

'I would be worried about Trillian hunting me down and planting a spike between my shoulder blades.'

Zaphod s.h.i.+vered. 'Oooh. She would, wouldn't she? I can just see it.' He glanced over at Hillman Hunter on the sidelines. 'I promised this guy a death. He's from Earth and you know what those people are like. It's all about the bloodshed with them.'

'That is so untrue, Zaphod. We are not all bloodthirsty monsters.'

Zaphod snorted. 'Oh, no? How come you blew up your entire planet?'

'We did not blow up our planet! You did it. You aliens aliens!'

'Now we're getting somewhere. Now we're getting down to your issues.'

'My issues? You're the one prepared to have someone murdered just because he said you had a fat a.r.s.e.' issues? You're the one prepared to have someone murdered just because he said you had a fat a.r.s.e.'

Zaphod paled. 'He said what what?'

Arthur turned to Thor's knee. 'And you're prepared to kill someone just to get a job.'

'There's no point talking to me,' said Thor, tugging his beaded braid. 'I don't have any regard for mortal life. As far as I'm concerned, you people are about as important as ants. And not the big scary mutant ants, just the normal little ones. To be honest, I'm far too worried about my own career comeback to care about individual lives.'

'And, anyway, it's not actually murder, is it?' said Zaphod in a tone so patronizing it would have set all of the pink ectoplasm b.a.l.l.s hopping in a Full-O-Yourself detector. 'He wants us to kill him.'

'Not any more,' said Arthur.

'Really? Are you sure?'

Thor took a step back. 'Why don't we ask him?'

Wowbagger hit the ground so hard that his immortality leaped out of him like a ghost image, leaving a shattered mortal crammed into a shallow hole in the ground.

'Ow,' he said. 'That's... Ow... Painkillers anyone?'

Ford pulled a towel from his satchel. 'Suck on the corner,' he advised, pa.s.sing it down. 'That blue stripe should take some of the sting out of your injuries.'

Thor hefted Mjollnir. 'Any last words?'

Wowbagger spat out the towel. 'The deal's off. I need to live.'

'Aha, there, you see,' said Arthur. 'He wants to live. You can't just kill him.'

Thor chuckled and it sounded very much like a large bear clearing its throat, a throat which had recently swallowed several well-fed men.

'I can't? Who says I can't? You?'

Trillian appeared suddenly, barging her way past the men, dropping to her knees by Wowbagger's crater.

'No. I say it, you big monster. I love this man, alien, or whatever he is and you are not going to take him from me.'

'I remember you, vaguely,' said Thor, but he did not strike. He was astute enough to see the media downside of hammering through a defenceless woman to kill a broken man.