Part 23 (2/2)

That's the way it generally works, isn't it?

But I love him. I love him, Mum!

Who are you calling Mum? Get a grip on yourself, girl.

I can love two people, can't I? That's allowed.

Maybe, but Random comes first.

Random Put me in a b.l.o.o.d.y tube, will they? I'll show them. Mr Immortal thinks he's immortal, does he? Maybe he should browse the Sub-Etha a little more. Maybe, if his computer wasn't so busy making goo-goo eyes at my dad, it would have picked up on a very remote article on a very remote site that tells the story of Pyntolaga, the Six-fingered Immortal of Santraginus, who was cursed with immortality by an irradiated electronic muscle stimulation slimming belt, and how he was eventually killed.

So, Bowerick Wowbagger wants to die, does he? Well, what sort of an ingrate would I be if I didn't help him on his way?

small voice: You were a politician. A loving wife. The President of the Galaxy... now you're planning to help this person get himself killed?

I lost my husband and my job and my future. It's time to start thinking about me.

small voice: Fair enough. Kill him then.

Bowerick Wowbagger Could it be love? Could it?

Come on, Bow Wow, that's the dark matter talking.

No. I can handle my dark matter. I've been living in this s.h.i.+p for years. I think I actually love this woman. You see it all the time, in nearly every single movie I have ever watched: people making instant connections, love at first sight, the Thunderbolt.

This is not a movie. You should tune into a news channel once in a while, see how many love thunderbolts are featured.

It is is love. It could be. Why shouldn't it be? After all this time, don't I deserve something? love. It could be. Why shouldn't it be? After all this time, don't I deserve something?

You deserve to die. Isn't that what you've longed for all these years?

Yes, but only because there was nothing for me. Nothing but a computer on a stolen s.h.i.+p. Now there is something. Someone.

Don't lose focus here. You have a real shot at getting yourself killed. Don't blow it all over a mortal.

I was mortal once. They're not so bad.

Oh, really? Who are you and what have you done with the real Bow Wowbagger? Because correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't we spend the last several thousand years insulting mortals? Don't you have a complete set of The Total t.o.s.s.e.r's Thesaurus The Total t.o.s.s.e.r's Thesaurus?

Yes, but...

And... and and haven't you claimed to be in love before? haven't you claimed to be in love before?

Yes, but that was different. I thought it was love but I see now it was just an absence of disgust. Trillian has qualities.

Trillian. If that is her real name.

Now you're just nitpicking.

All I know is that for the first time in I don't know how long you have a chance to be dead. Not a big chance, granted. But if that fool Beeblebrox comes through, then there is a a chance at least. Are you prepared to risk all that because you've taken a fancy to a mortal? chance at least. Are you prepared to risk all that because you've taken a fancy to a mortal?

Yes. If she will have me, I'll risk it all. If not, back to Plan A.

Which is?

Insult everyone on the planet and try to get myself killed.

Amen to that.

Arthur This is ridiculous. I have spent most of this incredible journey talking to the hardware.

Actually, you've been talking to yourself. The computer dips into your memories and compiles appropriate responses from previous conversations. If you listen carefully, you might hear the blip where the sentences have been spliced together.

I know. I know. But it's hard to tear oneself away. I lost Fenchurch once and it nearly killed me. Even now, after all this time, I still think about her constantly.

All this time? It hasn't been that long.

I am counting my virtual life. I spent a lot of time on that beach drawing pictures of Fenchurch.

I know. They were awful. We need to move on.

You mean until the Vogons destroy this new planet?

Or until I save it. I have saved planets before, you know.

I think we're on our last life there, mate. How many more destroyed worlds can we possibly survive? None, that's how many.

Wowbagger can shoo the Vogons. Or Thor, whoever wins. There's an entire Universe out there and we are a part of it. I don't want to spend the rest of our life playing mental footsie with a box of capacitors and chips.

I know. You're right, but it's safe here. Absolutely no one can find us, let alone threaten us with thermonuclear weapons.

So we stay here for ever.

No... I suppose not.

So what are we going to do?

Move on.

I'm not feeling it.

Move on!

Okay. Fenchurch forgotten?

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