Chapter 94 (2/2)

When Shi Yan heard this simple, one-worded reply, he didn’t know why he was dissatisfied. He raised his eyebrow and asked He Nuo, “Do you understand what I mean?”

“Un, I understand.”

“What are your thoughts?”

“That’s fine, whatever you say goes.”

He Nuo’s calm expression that didn’t exhibit a single crack made Shi Yan feel like he was being very cold and detached about it. He said a little angrily, “I’m saying that we should break up! We won’t be lovers anymore!”

“Un, okay.” Still no waves.

Shi Yan’s anger roared and it wanted to burst out with the force of a thunderbolt, but within the blink of an eye, when he saw He Nuo’s porcelain white face, he blamed himself in his heart: what am I doing? Since I already said that we should break up, then do I still want him to look like he’s reluctant to part with me? And to cry as we discuss this?

“Then I’ll go back first, I have a lot of homework today.” He Nuo took his leave.

Shi Yan looked at the pond in front of him and nodded. He only saw He Nuo turn around from the corner of his eye. After he walked about ten metres away, Shi Yan suddenly chased after him, “He Nuo.”

The figure stopped. A few seconds later, he turned around to look at the Shi Yan who ran over with an inquiring gaze.

“I’ll send you back.”

“No need, it’s not that far. You should head back soon ba.” He Nuo was still as gentle as ever.

“Do you blame me? Or hate me?”

He Nuo shook his head with a warm, sunny smile.

Shi Yan felt like thousands of words were stuck in his throat, yet he couldn’t even say a single one of them. He only knew that something was being torn apart, and a pain that he couldn’t resist was spreading throughout his body.

“I was sincere when I said that I wanted to be friends with you, and I do treat you as my best friend. I, I,”

“I know.” He Nuo said sincerely, “I’m not very good at saying thanks, but how could there be hatred between us? Are you scolding me for being an ingrate?” He waves his hands, “I’ll be leaving first. Thank you. Shi Yan.”

Shi Yan stared as he watched He Nuo disappear around the corner; that figure was still as slender and thin as ever, yet he didn’t waver in every step he took — there was no hesitation, no hobble, and he never turned back to look at him even once.

Shi Yan suddenly felt like he had been abolished of all his powers by a martial expert. He staggered backwards and leaned on the trunk behind him, then slid down onto the grass. He would rather spit out a few mouthfuls of the blood like he had just suffered a defeat — if this were so, would the pain be transferred, would it be alleviated? Wasn’t he worried about a situation where he would cling onto him and refuse to let go? Why did he manage to get away so easily? Yet his organ that was beating in his chest had been smashed into smithereens with just one palm. He Nuo was so indifferent, and so cold as he waved his sleeves before he walked away; he didn’t leave anything behind, and didn’t take anything away either.

Unwillingness and indignation emerged in Shi Yan’s heart; compared to He Nuo, he was actually the one who was filled with hatred right now. He hated He Nuo for his inhumanity, he hated him for his heartlessness. He hated He Nuo for not asking him for his reasons, for not trying to persuade him to stay; even if he didn’t beg, if he really did care about him, then wouldn’t he have shown at least a little bit of sadness and sorrow? But, was there ever a trace of surprise, panic or pain on He Nuo’s face? He only assumed an indifferent attitude, as if he was saying ‘Shi Yan, you can do whatever you want’.

Shi Yan couldn’t vent the hatred in his heart. So all of this had been his own wishful thinking all along. He Nuo merely accepted his goodwill; he had always pandered to him, so of course he would be happy to accept it, which was why he was now so indifferent to his behaviour. Shi Yan brutally smashed out several pits, then left with the wound inflicted on him by the one who had been abandoned.

1. Hello in Chinese is ni hao, which is the more informal version. When He Nuo called, he said ‘nin hao’, which is the more formal version of addressing someone else as compared to ‘ni‘↩2. He’s talking about how the 川 is better if it’s flattened i.e. it’s better if Shi Yan stopped frowning↩