Part 65 (1/2)

Lunzie said nothing; it didn't seem needed.

”We need men like him at the top. It saddens me that he has lost strength this past year. He will not say, but I have heard that the doctors are telling him the snow is falling.” The man stared at her, obviously hoping she knew more, and would tell it. She fixed on the figure of speech.

”Snow is falling? Is this how you say sickness?”

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”It is how we say death is coming. You should know that. You saw Bitter Destiny.”

Now she remembered. The phrase had been repeated in more than one aria, but with the same melodic line. So it had come to be a cultural standard, had it?

”You are doing medical research on the physiological response of our people to longterm coldsleep, I understand. Hasn't someone told you what our people call coldsleep, how they think of it?”

This was professional ground, on which she could stand firmly and calmly.

”No, and I've asked. They avoid it. After the opera, I wondered if they a.s.sociated coldsleep with that tragedy. It's one of the things I wanted to ask Zebara. He said we would talk about it today.”

”Ah. Well, perhaps I should let him tell you. But as you might expect, death by cold is both the most degrading and the most honorable of deaths we know: degrading because our people were forced into it. It is die symbol of our political weakness. And honorable because so many chose it to save others. To compel another to die of cold or starvation is the worst of crimes, worse than any torture. But to voluntarily take the White Way, the walk into snow, is the best of deaths, an affirmation of the values that enabled us to survive.” The man paused, ran a finger around his collar as if to loosen it, and went on. ”Thus coldsleep is for us a peculiar parody of our fears and hopes. It is the little cold death. If prolonged, as I understand you have endured, it is the death of the past, the loss of friends and family as if in actual death-except that you are ahVe to know it. But it also cheats the long death of winter. It is like being the seed of a chranghal-one of our plants that springs first from the ground after a Long Winter. Asleep, not dreaming, almost dead! And then awake again, fresh and green.

”When our people travel, and know they will be placed in coldsleep, they undergo the rituals for the dying and carry with them the three fruits we all eat to celebrate spring and rebirth.”

”But your death rate in coldsleep, for anything beyond 148.

a couple of months, is much higher than normal,” said Lunzie. ”And the lifespan after tends to be shorter.”

”True. Perhaps you are finding out why, in physical terms. I think myself that those who consent to prolonged coldsleep have consented to death itself. They are reliving that first sacrifice and, even if they live, are less committed to life. After all, with our generally shorter lifespans, we would outlive our friends sooner than you. And you, the Director has told me, did not find it easy to pick up your life decades later.”

”No.”

Lunzie looked down, then out the blurred windows, thinking of that first black despair when she realized that Fiona was grown and gone, that she would never see her child as a child again. And each time it had been a shock, to find people aged whom she'd known in their youth. To find a great-great-great-granddaughter older than she herself.

He was silent after that. They rode the rest of the way without speaking, but without hostility. Zebara's place, when they finally arrived and drove into the sheltered entrance, was a low mound of heavy dark granite, like a cross between a fortress and a lair.

Zebara met her as she stepped out, said a cool ”Thank you, Major,” to the escort, and led her through a double-gla.s.s door into a circular hall beneath a low dome. Its floor was of some amber-colored stone, veined with browns and reds; the dome gleamed, dull bronze, from lights recessed around the rim. All around, between the four arching doorways, were stone benches against the curving walls. In the center two steps led down to a firepit in which flames flickered, burning cleanly with little smoke.

She fallowed Zebara down the steps, and at his gesture sat on the lowest padded seat; she could feel the heat of that small fire. He reached under the seat on his side, and brought out a translucent bead.

”Incense,” he said, before he put it on the fire. ”Be welcome to our hall, Lunzie. Peace, health, prosperity to you, and to the children of your children.”

It was so formal, so strange, that she had no idea

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what to say, and instead bowed her head a moment. When she looked up, a circle of heavyworlders enclosed her, on the floor of the hall above. Zebara raised his voice.

”My children and their children. You are known to them, Lunzie, and they are known to you.”

They were a stolid, lumpish group to look at, Zebara's sons and their wives, the grandchildren, even the youngest, broad as wrestlers. She wondered which was the little boy who had interrupted his meeting. How long ago had that been? But she could not guess.

He was introducing them now. Each bowed from the waist, without speaking, and Lunzie nodded, murmuring a greeting. Then Zebara waved them away and they trooped off through one of the arched doorways.

”Family quarters that way,” he said. ”Sleeping rooms, nurseries, schoolrooms for the children.”

”Schoolrooms? You don't have public schooling?”

”We do, but not for those this far out. And anyone with enough children in the household can hire a tutor and have them schooled. It saves tax money for those who can't afford private tutors. You met only the older children. There are fifty here altogether.”

Lunzie found the thought disturbing, another proof that the heavyworlder culture diverged from FSP pol-icy. She had known there was overcrowding and uncontrolled breeding. But Zebara had always seemed so civilized.

Now, as he took her arm to guide her up the steps from the firepit and across the echoing hall to a door, she felt she did not know him at all. He was wearing neither the ominous black uniform nor the workaday coverall she had seen on most of the citizens. A long loose robe, so dark she could not tell its color in the dimly lit pa.s.sage, low boots embroidered with bright patterns along the sides. He looked as ma.s.sive as ever, but also comfortable, completely at ease.

”In here,” he said at last, and ushered her into another, smaller, circular room. ”This is my private study.”

Lunzie took the low, thickly cus.h.i.+oned seat he of-fared, and looked around. Curved shelving lined the 150.

walls; cube files, film files, old-fas.h.i.+oned books, stacks of paper. There were a few ornaments: a graceful swirl of what looked like blue-green gla.s.s, stiff human figures in brown pottery, an amateurish but very bright painting, a lopsided lump that could only be a favorite child's or grandchild's first attempt at a craft. A large flatscreen monitor, control panels. Above was another of the shallow domes, this one lined with what looked like one sheet of white ceramic. The low couch she sat on was upholstered with a nubbly cloth. She was absurdly glad to be sure it was not leather. Fluffy pillows had been piled, making it comfortable for her shorter legs.

Zebara had seated himself across from her, behind a broad curving desk. He touched some control on it and the desk sank down to knee height, becoming less a barrier and more a convenience. Another touch, and the room lights brightened, their reflection from the dome a clear unshadowed radiance like daylight.

”It's . . . lovely,” said Lunzie.

She could not think of anything else. Zebara gave her a surprisingly sweet smile, touched with sadness.

”Did your team give you trouble about visiting me?”

”Yes.” She told him about Bias and found herself almost resenting Zebara's obvious amus.e.m.e.nt. ”He's just trying to be conscientious,” she finished up. She felt she had to make Bias sound reasonable, although she didn't think he was.

”He's being an idiot,” Zebara said. ”You are not a silly adolescent with a crush on some muscular stud. You're a grown woman.”

”Yes, but, in a way, he's right, you know. I'm not sure myself that my encounters with coldsleep have left me completely . . . rational.” She wondered whether to use any of what the young officer had told her, and decided to venture it. ”It's like dying, and being born, only not a real start-everything over birth. Leftovers from the past life keep showing up. Like missing my daughter ... I told you about that, before. Like discovering Sa.s.sinak. People say 'Get on with your life, just put it behind you.' And it is behind me, impossibly past. But it's also right there with me. Consequences