Part 19 (1/2)
I believed him.
And I left him there to deal with it alone.
”Babe, come on. Calm down,” Sean coaxed as he walked us both into his apartment and set me on the couch.
Dragging the throw off the back of the couch, Sean wrapped it around my shoulders before heading into the kitchen only to return with a ma.s.sive bar of chocolate in his hands.
”You know, I don't think I've ever seen you cry,” Sean mused, when my cries had turned to sniffling. Sinking down on the couch beside me, he pulled me onto his lap. ”What happened?”
”Noah happened,” I whispered, clenching my eyes shut and burying my head in his chest. My mind flashed back to the scene I'd caused at the gym and a wailing noise tore through me. I was so ashamed. ”I've screwed everything up, Sean.”
”Noah?” Sean asked, confused, waiting for me to fill in the blanks.
”Messina,” I muttered, forgetting that Sean didn't know the ins and outs of my tempestuous relations.h.i.+p with my ex.
His brows rose in surprise and he leaned back to look at my face. ”As in the fighter?”
”As in my ex,” I admitted sheepishly.
His lips curled into a perfectly O as he gaped at me, unblinking. ”Well I wasn't expecting that,” he breathed, eyes burning with curiosity. ”You mentioned you had an ex from America, but I didn't realize you were talking about The Machine.”
”He wasn't the machine when I knew him,” I whispered sadly. ”He was just...Noah.”
Resting my head on his chest, I found myself confiding in Sean; filling him in on every dirty detail of my life starting from the night I watched my mother take her final breath in that car, to Liam breaking up with me when Uncle Max relocated us to Colorado.
I laid everything out there about my time at Thirteenth Street; the good, the bad, and the downright awful parts that made me look like a lunatic.
I told him about how I wrecked Noah's car with the paint, the night that had sparked this crazed obsession, and every other moment that had followed.
The nights I spent at the Ring of Fire, watching Noah take on men twice his age.
I told him about Noah saving me from Gonzalez, and the numerous occasions he had protected me from George and JD Dennis, taking beatings to be with me.
My face heated when I told him about the night in the elevator.
I broke down when I explained about the night Max disowned me.
I disclosed every slither of crucial information that had led me to this moment, every single event in my life that had brought me to this point, grateful to get it off my chest, and Sean listened intently, never judging, never interrupting.
”And then he broke my door down so I slept with him before throwing him out,” I heard myself say and cringed. ”But then I got mad because he left so I went to Frankie's and caused a huge scene.” Groaning, I added, ”I slapped him and he tried to drown me...and now I'm here.”
Sean let out a whistle. ”And all of this happened in the s.p.a.ce of twenty-four hours?”
”What can I say,” I mumbled, cheeks burning. ”We had a lot to catch up on.”
Jumping to his feet, Sean went into the kitchen, returning a few minutes later with a pair of gla.s.ses in one hand and two bottles, one with vodka and the other with c.o.ke, stuffed under his arm.
”When I first saw you at my door, I thought chocolate and a Friends marathon would be enough to cheer you up.” Setting the gla.s.ses and bottles down on the coffee table in front of us, he leaned over and pressed a kiss to the top of my head before pouring our drinks. ”But now I'm thinking we need vodka to deal with this s.h.i.+t storm.”
”Why do you have to be gay, Sean?” I asked with a sigh, taking the gla.s.s he was holding out for me. ”It's not fair,” I grumbled, taking a sip of my vodka and c.o.ke. ”You're the perfect man.”
Sean chuckled. ”You have no idea how many women at the salon ask me that question.” Settling down beside me, he clunked his gla.s.s against mine and sighed.
”Do you think I'm crazy?” Sitting cross-legged on the couch, I plucked at a loose thread off the cus.h.i.+on on my lap and said, ”to be this...devastated over a man I dated for two months in high-school?”
”Officially two months,” he corrected, pointing his finger in the air. ”Unofficially a h.e.l.l of a lot longer and deeper than that.”
”What if he can't get past it?” I squeezed out. ”I've been going over and over it, and if I were in his shoes, I don't think I could.” Covering my face with my hands, I stifled a groan. ”And just say that he can forgive me. What if it's different now?” I whispered. ”What if that f.u.c.ked up, bloodl.u.s.t chemistry between us fizzles out?”
”If you don't try, you're going to spend the rest of your life wondering and regretting,” he told me.
I knew he was right, but I was terrified.
I never wanted to feel the pain of having my heart broken by Noah Messina again, intentionally or not. I wasn't sure I would survive that kind of aching twice in my lifetime.
”I'm nothing out of the ordinary, Sean,” I admitted. ”And Noah? He lives in different world to us. Supermodels drop their knickers for him like they're giving him his five fruits a day. There's no way I can compete with that.”
”You don't have to compete with anyone, Teagan. That's what you don't seem to get,” he said. ”That man flew halfway across the world and landed on your doorstep.” Shaking his head, he sighed impatiently. ”That doesn't say end of the line to me.”
”It doesn't?”
”No, Teagan, it doesn't,” he shot back with an irritated tone. ”It says the man is driven by desperation, devotion and love.” Slapping his hand down on my thigh, Sean squeezed and said, ”he's here. He's hot and he's f.u.c.king yours. So what are you going to do about it?”
I SPENT ALL DAY FRIDAY curled up in a ball on my bed ignoring phone calls from Liam and avoiding contact with the outside world, basically too ashamed to lift my head off my tear soaked pillow. I didn't eat breakfast or lunch. I didn't have the appet.i.te. Noah's voice remained in my mind; his face the fore point of my every waking thought all day long and I couldn't stop tormenting myself with the ugly truth.
Noah had done serious time in prison.
Because of me.
He broke his f.u.c.king bail.
Because of me.
Max had pressed charges on him.
Because of me.
He was at the quarry that night.
Because of me.
He gave up his own freedom to keep me safe.
Kyle Carter had been right all along. I hated the way that man was always freaking right. It was so infuriating. I should have listened to him. I should have listened to my heart and not my stupid pride. Look where pride had gotten me. Seven years of bitterness and regrets.
”I wanted to prove a point. I wanted to see if I could still get you on your back with your legs spread open, and it turns out I can. You were an itch I needed to scratch Teagan. That's all.”
Pride and stubbornness kept me from running back to him from throwing myself at his feet and begging for forgiveness. The hurt in his eyes haunted me. I saw it in those brown depths. I saw the pain I had caused when I questioned him. I also saw the truth.
To be honest I couldn't understand why he had given me the time of day, let alone taken all my c.r.a.p when I had let him down in the worst possible way. I was emotionally drained and feeling sorry for myself, and no amount of chocolate and alcohol stemmed the pain.