Part 66 (1/2)
”You didn't go to h.e.l.l? I had you p.r.i.c.k'd down as a straight-to-h.e.l.l man.”
”As I once told you in a moment of weakness, my status was, and is, ambiguous.”
”Ah, yes-your devious cousine cousine muddied those waters, did she not-I had forgotten.” muddied those waters, did she not-I had forgotten.”
”Not even St. Peter can sort the matter out,” said the ghost of de Gex, ”so I must wander the earth until Judgment Day.”
”What do you do to pa.s.s the time, then, Father Ed?”
Father Ed shrugged. ”I seek to redeem myself, by giving good advice, and steering others, who still have some prospect of reaching Heaven, into the path of righteousness.”
”Haw! You You of all people?” of all people?”
De Gex shrugged. ”Since you're chained to the floor, you have no choice but to listen to, listen to, but it is your choice whether you shall but it is your choice whether you shall heed, heed, my advice.” my advice.”
”And what is your advice? Speak up, you are fading.”
”I do not fade,” de Gex explained. ”The gaolers have heard you shouting at me, and opened the door of your cell; voila, it's morning, the windows of Newgate Prison have been opened to admit fresh air, light floods in to the place. I remain here with you. Ignore the gaolers; they are confused, they see me not, they suppose you to be not in your right mind.”
”Ha! Fancy that! Me, not in my right mind!”
”You have accepted the proposal that was tendered by Daniel Waterhouse...why?”
”Oh, I adjudged him the most capable of bringing it off. Charles White is a powerful man, but in a precarious spot, liable to be chased out of the country at any moment. I dared not gamble all on him him. Newton I simply could not fathom. Waterhouse, though...he's dependable, he is, and was in touch with Saturn, and had every incentive to see the matter through. He has already sprung the boys out of the Fleet-that explains why Sir Isaac was so furious yester evening...”
”That was three three evenings ago, Jack,” said de Gex, ”and they put you under these weights two days ago, on the eighteenth.” evenings ago, Jack,” said de Gex, ”and they put you under these weights two days ago, on the eighteenth.”
”Stab me, that's a h.e.l.l of a long time, I had quite lost track.”
”You have held out longer than anyone; word has leaked out, through the windows of Newgate, into the streets, and the Mobb have begun to sing songs about you: ”Put another Weight on the Stack Said the Vagabond Half-c.o.c.ked Jack Said the Vagabond Half-c.o.c.ked Jack For the night is still young For the night is still young I've got air in me lungs I've got air in me lungs And I don't think I'm ready to crack.” And I don't think I'm ready to crack.”
”Is that that what they were caterwauling? I had wondered. It is not so bad, I suppose, for a s.n.a.t.c.h of Mobb doggerel. And very touching. But I trust that the Mobb can improve on it. Perhaps take up a collection and hire a proper Poet, with some taste. I'd fancy something in heroic couplets, iambic hexameter perhaps, and capable of being set to music...” what they were caterwauling? I had wondered. It is not so bad, I suppose, for a s.n.a.t.c.h of Mobb doggerel. And very touching. But I trust that the Mobb can improve on it. Perhaps take up a collection and hire a proper Poet, with some taste. I'd fancy something in heroic couplets, iambic hexameter perhaps, and capable of being set to music...”
”Jack! Has it occurred to you to wonder why you can hear me, a departed spirit, while none of the gaolers knows I am in here?”
”No, but it has occurred to me to wonder why you leave me alone here for two whole b.l.o.o.d.y days-then show up to trouble my repose with ghastly Advice.” show up to trouble my repose with ghastly Advice.”
”The answer is the same in both cases. You are standing before the threshold of the portal that joins your world to the next.”
”Is that a poetickal way of saying I'm about to croak?”
”Yes.”
”Well, I shall see you in a minute or two, then, I can feel myself going...I can hear the bells of Heaven ringing...”
”Actually, those are the bells of Westminster Abbey, carrying down the river on the morning breeze.”
”Why? Someone died?”
”No, it is the tradition to toll the great Bell of the Abbey as the carriage of the new Sovereign draws up before the west door. That Bell is calling all England to the Church, Jack, to celebrate the Coronation of George.”
”Did they reserve a seat for me?”
”Try and concentrate, Jack, or the ringing of that bell will be the last thing you ever hear.”
”I would like to remind you that the alternative alternative is for me to plead. No matter how I plead, I'm bound for Tyburn, where I'll die a much worse death than is for me to plead. No matter how I plead, I'm bound for Tyburn, where I'll die a much worse death than this this. h.e.l.l, this is practically painless!”
”Are you not forgetting an important part of the plan?”
”What? The plan of Daniel Waterhouse?”
”Yes.”
”Oh, no. I know where you are leading me now, Father Ed, and it's not a place to which I will be led. You did this once before: forged a letter from her, her, to draw me in to a snare!” to draw me in to a snare!”
”You are spread-eagled to the floor of Newgate Prison with three hundred pounds of weight on your chest and you have sixty seconds to live. It strikes me as funny funny that you are so wary, at such a moment, of being drawn in to a that you are so wary, at such a moment, of being drawn in to a trap trap!”
”I just don't wish to be made a fool of again, is all. That's all I ask for, is a bit of pride.”
”Pride is not what you are wanting. You've plenty. Has it got you what you desired? No. You don't want is not what you are wanting. You've plenty. Has it got you what you desired? No. You don't want pride pride. You want Faith. Faith.”
”Oh, Jesus Friggin' Christ!”
”All right. Barring that, wouldn't you like to stay on another nine days, just to see how it all comes out in the end?”
”If dying means that I end up on the same plane of existence with you, and must suffer more of your prating, then nine days here begins to sound pretty good.”
”So-?”
”Oh, all right. What the h.e.l.l. I'll plead.”
”Say it louder!” de Gex implored him. ”They can't hear you! They are hearkening to the fanfare of distant trumpets!”
”Funny, so am I-I phant'sied I'd died, and that was angels blowing golden horns for me!”
”It is the trumpeter of the Household Royal announcing the entry of George Louis to Westminster Abbey. And those are the drums of his solemn procession!”
”I'll friggin' plead!” Jack shouted, ”now take this s.h.i.+t off of me, already, and eject yonder Ghost.”
Westminster Abbey 20 OCTOBER 1714.
LATER, THE Q QUALITY who had witnessed it (as well as many who only wanted people to who had witnessed it (as well as many who only wanted people to think think they had) would swear that the villain's lips had parted, baring his teeth, and that a hungry and feral look had come over his face. For Charles White had been a great man in the land, and it was no small matter to bring him down. He had to be made over, first, in people's minds, into a kind of beast. they had) would swear that the villain's lips had parted, baring his teeth, and that a hungry and feral look had come over his face. For Charles White had been a great man in the land, and it was no small matter to bring him down. He had to be made over, first, in people's minds, into a kind of beast.
It happened before the west front of Westminster Abbey. All of the great persons of Britain, as well as Amba.s.sadors and other guests from other realms, were standing about, a little bit dumbfounded from several hours of Church. For the Coronation of George was nothing more or less than an uncommonly tedious church-service, spiced up, here and there, with trotting-out of the gaudiest Regalia this side of Shahjahanabad. Through diverse Processionals and Recessionals they had sat, or stood, and every time the King had shooed away a fly it had been answered by a fifteen-minute Fanfare and a solemn Incantation. The Archbishop, the Lord Chancellor, the Chamberlain, and everyone on down to the Bluemantle Pursuivant had all checked in with one another to verify that George Louis of Hanover was the correct chap, and then they had double- and triple-checked, and run it by various phalanxes and bleacher-loads of Bishops, Peers, n.o.bles, et cetera, et cetera, who could never affirm anything with a quick nod or thumbs-up but must bellow out pompous circ.u.mlocutions in triplicate, bating whenever the trumpet-section, organist, or choir got a whim to break out in half an hour of joyful polyphony. A busy traffic in Bibles, Faldstools, Chalices, Patens, Ampoules, Spoons, Copes, Spurs, Swords, Robes, Orbs, Sceptres, Rings, Coronets, Medals, Crowns, and Rods had cluttered the aisle, as if the world's poshest p.a.w.n-shop were being sacked by a Mobb of under-employed Clerics and Peers, and not a jot or t.i.ttle of this swag could ever be moved from Point A to Point B without several prayers and hymns pointing out what a splendid and yet frightfully solemn event it was. Paeans flew thick and fast. Prayers were a penny a pound. The name of Our Lord was just about worn through. Christ's ears burned. Everything was pretty resounding. Spit-slicks sprawled between trumpeters' feet. Bellows-pumpers were sent down with busted guts. The boys' choir grew beards. who could never affirm anything with a quick nod or thumbs-up but must bellow out pompous circ.u.mlocutions in triplicate, bating whenever the trumpet-section, organist, or choir got a whim to break out in half an hour of joyful polyphony. A busy traffic in Bibles, Faldstools, Chalices, Patens, Ampoules, Spoons, Copes, Spurs, Swords, Robes, Orbs, Sceptres, Rings, Coronets, Medals, Crowns, and Rods had cluttered the aisle, as if the world's poshest p.a.w.n-shop were being sacked by a Mobb of under-employed Clerics and Peers, and not a jot or t.i.ttle of this swag could ever be moved from Point A to Point B without several prayers and hymns pointing out what a splendid and yet frightfully solemn event it was. Paeans flew thick and fast. Prayers were a penny a pound. The name of Our Lord was just about worn through. Christ's ears burned. Everything was pretty resounding. Spit-slicks sprawled between trumpeters' feet. Bellows-pumpers were sent down with busted guts. The boys' choir grew beards.