Part 43 (2/2)

=”Prayer, with Thanksgiving”=

On one occasion, a clergyman eminent for his piety and simplicity of heart, but also noted for his great eccentricity of character, surprised his hearers by introducing the following pa.s.sage into one of his prayers: ”Oh Lord! we desire to offer our grateful thanks unto Thee for the seasonable relief which Thou has sent to the poor of this place, from thine inexhaustible storehouse in the great deep, and which every day we hear called upon our streets, 'Fine fresh herrings, sax a penny!

sax a penny!'”

=An Extra s.h.i.+lling to Avoid a Calamity=

A farmer having buried his wife, waited upon the grave-digger who had performed the necessary duties, to pay him fees. Being of a n.i.g.g.ardly disposition, he endeavored to get the knight of the spade to abate his charges.

The patience of the latter becoming exhausted, he grasped his shovel impulsively, and, with an angry look, exclaimed: ”Doon wi' another s.h.i.+llin', or--up she comes!” The threat had the desired effect.

=Putting off a Duel and Avoiding a Quarrel=

At a convivial meeting of the Golfing Society at Bruntsfield Links, Edinburgh, on one occasion, a Mr. Megget took offence at something which Mr. Braidwood, father of the lamented superintendent of the London Fire Brigade, had said. Being highly incensed, he desired the latter to follow him to the Links, and he ”would do for him.”

Without at all disturbing himself, Mr. Braidwood pleasantly replied: ”Mr. Megget, if you will be so good as to go out to the Links, and _wait till I come_, I will be very much obliged to you.”

This produced a general burst of laughter, in which his antagonist could not refrain from joining; and it had the effect of restoring him to good humor for the remainder of the evening.

=A Test of Literary Appreciation=

Dr. Ranken, of Glasgow, wrote a very ponderous _History of France_.

Wis.h.i.+ng to learn how it was appreciated by the public, he went to Stirling's Library _incognito_, and inquired ”if Dr. Ranken's _History of France_ was in?”

Mr. Peat, the caustic librarian, curtly replied: ”In! it never was out!”

=Ornithology=

”Pray, Lord Robertson,” said a lady to that eminent lawyer at a party, ”can you tell me what sort of a bird the bul-bul is?”

”I suppose, ma'am,” replied the humorous judge, ”it is the male of the coo-coo.”

=A Practical View of Matrimony=

”Fat's this I hear ye're gaun to dee, Jeannie,” said an Aberdeen la.s.s to another young woman.

”Weel, Maggie, la.s.s, I'm just gaun to marry that farm ower by there, and live wi' the bit mannie on't.”

=Winning the Race Instead of the Battle=

When Sir John Copse fled from Dunbar, the fleetness of his horse carried him foremost, upon which a sarcastic Scotsman complimented him by saying, ”Deed, sir, but ye hae won the race: win the battle wha like!”

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