Part 41 (2/2)

”It's an unco' queer thing you dinna ken hoo auld you are,” returned the woman.

”I ken weel eneuch how auld I _am_,” answered Jock; ”but I dinna ken how auld _I'll be_.” [24]

=A Law of Nature=

Princ.i.p.al Hill once encountered a fierce onslaught from the Rev. James Burn in the General a.s.sembly. When Mr. Burn had concluded his attack, the professor rose, and said with a smile: ”Moderator, we all know that it is most natural that _Burns_ should _run down Hills_.”

The laugh was effectually raised against his opponent, whose arguments and a.s.sertions he then proceeded to demolish at his leisure.

=Ingenious Remedy for Ignorance=

When a former Prince of Wales was married, a Highland minister at Greenock was praying for the happiness and welfare of the royal couple.

He was somewhat embarra.s.sed as to how he should join the two names, but at length he got over it thus:

”Lord bless _her_ royal highness the Prince of Wales, and _his_ royal highness the _she_ prince!”

=Highland ”Warldliness”=

At a breakfast there was abundance of Highland cheer, towering dishes of scones, oatcakes, an enormous cheese, fish eggs and a monstrous grey-beard of whiskey ready, if required; fumes of tobacco were floating in the air, and the whole seemed an embodiment of the Highlander's grace, ”Oh, gie us rivers of whiskey, chau'ders o' snuff, and tons o'

tobacco, pread an' a cheese as pig as the great hill of Ben Nevis, and may our childer's childer be lords and lairds to the latest sheneration.” On repeating this grace to an old hillsman of eighty, leaning on his stick, he thoughtfully answered: ”Weel, it's a goot grace--a very goot grace--but it's a warldly thing!”

=A Paradox=

On Henry Erskine being told that Knox, who had long derived his livelihood by keeping the door of the Parliament House, had been killed by a shot from a small cannon on the king's birthday, he observed that ”it was remarkable that a man should live by the civil and die by the can(_n_)on law.”

=A Sensible La.s.s=

A Scottish gentleman, while walking in a meadow with some ladies, had the impudence to s.n.a.t.c.h a kiss from one, unperceived by the rest. She said indignantly, ”Sir, I am not accustomed to such freedom.”

”It will be the greater rarity, then, madam.”

She flew from him, and ran towards her mother, who, alarmed at her seeming terror, inquired what was the cause.

”She has taken fright at a rash buss,” said the gentleman.

”O, ye idiot,” said the mother, ”go back this instant.”

She returned, smiling, and said, ”Do't again, it's no' forbidden.”

=A Sad Loss=

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