Part 42 (1/2)

An old lady was telling her grandchildren about some trouble in Scotland, in the course of which the chief of her clan was beheaded.

”It was nae great thing of a head, bairns, to be sure,” said the good lady, ”but it was a sad loss to him.”

=Catechising=

The minister called in upon the gudewife at Corset Hill one night, for the purpose of catechising her.

”What is the Lord's Supper, Peggy?” he inquired.

”'Deed, sir,” said the hostel wife, more intent on matters temporal than on things spiritual, ”there's nae lords come this way; but I'se tell ye what a cadger's supper is--it's just a groat; and what they leave at night they tak' awa' wi' them in their pouch in the morning.”

=Lord c.o.c.kburn Confounded=

One day Lord c.o.c.kburn went into the Second Division of the Court of Session, but came out again very hurriedly, meeting Lord Jeffrey at the door.

”Do you see any paleness about my face, Jeffrey?” asked c.o.c.kburn.

”No,” replied Jeffrey; ”I hope you're well enough.”

”I don't know,” said the other; ”but I have just heard Bolus (Lord Justice-Clerk Boyle) say: 'I _for one_ am of opinion that this case is founded on the fundamental basis of a quadrilateral contract, the four sides of which are agglutinated by adhesion!'”

”I think, c.o.c.kburn,” said Jeffrey ”that you had better go home.”

=”No Compliments”=

An aged divine had occasionally to avail himself of the a.s.sistance of probationers. One day, a young man, very vain of his accomplishments as a preacher, officiated, and, on descending from the pulpit, was met by the old gentleman with extended hands. Expecting high praise, he said, ”No compliments, I pray.”

”Na, na, na, my young friend,” said the minister, ”nowadays I'm glad o'

onybody!”

=A Sensible Servant=

A very old domestic servant of the familiar Scottish character common long ago, having offended his master extremely, was commanded to leave his service instantly.

”In troth, and that will I not,” answered the domestic; ”if your honor disna ken when ye hae a gude servant, I ken when I hae a gude master, and go away I will not.”

On another occasion of the same nature the master said, ”John, you and I shall never sleep under the same roof again”, to which John replied, with much _naivete_, ”Where the deil can your honor be ganging?”

=A Lesson in Manners=

William Martin was at one time a book auctioneer in Edinburgh. He was no great scholar, and occasionally made some humorous blunders during the exercise of his vocation. One night he made a clumsy attempt to unravel the t.i.tle of a French book. A young dandy, wis.h.i.+ng to have the laugh at Martin's expense, asked him to read the t.i.tle again, as he did not quite understand him.

”Oh!” said Martin, ”it's something about manners, and that's what neither you nor me has ower muckle o'.”

=A Magnanimous Cobbler=