Part 28 (2/2)

In a town of one of the central counties a Mr. J---- carried on, about a century ago, a very extensive business in the linen manufacture.

Although _strikes_ were then unknown among the laboring cla.s.ses, the spirit from which these take their rise has no doubt at all times existed. Among Mr. J----'s many workmen, one had given him constant annoyance for years, from his argumentative spirit. Insisting one day on getting something or other which his master thought most unreasonable, and refused to give in to, he at last submitted, with a bad grace, saying, ”You're nae better than _Pharaoh_, sir, forcin' puir folks to mak' bricks without straw.” ”Well, Saunders,” quietly rejoined his master, ”if I'm nae better than Pharaoh, in one respect, I'll be better in another, for _I'll no' hinder ye going to the wilderness whenever ye choose_.”

=Not One of ”The Establishment”=

At an hotel in Glasgow, a gentleman, finding that the person who acted as a waiter could not give him certain information which he wanted, put the question, ”Do you belong to the establishment?” to which James replied, ”No, sir; I belong to the Free Kirk.”

=A Board-School Examiner Floored=

The parish minister in a town not a hundred miles from Dumfermline, Fifes.h.i.+re, was recently going his round of all the board schools in the course of systematic examination. The day was warm, and the minister, feeling exhausted on reaching the school, took a seat for a few minutes to cool down and recover his breath; but even while doing so he thought he might as well utilize the time in a congenial sort of way, being naturally a bit of a wag. So he addressed the boys thus: ”Well, lads, can any of you tell me why black sheep eat less than white sheep?”

There was no answer to this question, and the minister, after telling them it was because there were fewer of them, with pretended severity said he was sorry to see them in such a state of ignorance as not to be able to answer such a simple question, but he would give them another.

”Can any of you lads tell me what bishop of the Church of England has the largest hat?”

Here the children were again cornered for a solution.

”What! don't you know,” said the minister, ”that the bishop with the largest hat is the bishop with the largest head? But seeing I have been giving you some puzzling questions, I will now allow you to have your turn and put some questions to me, to see if I can answer them.”

Silence fell upon the whole school. No one was apparently bold enough to tackle the minister. At length, from the far corner of the room, a little chap of about seven years got to his feet, and with an audacity that actually appalled the master, cried out in a loud, shrill, piping voice, with the utmost _sang froid_:

”Can you tell me why millers wear white caps?”

The minister was perfectly astounded, and for the life of him could find no solution of the problem.

He began to feel somewhat uncomfortable, while the master frowned with awful threatening in his glance at the undaunted young culprit, who stood calmly waiting a reply to his poser.

”No, my boy,” said the minister at length; ”I cannot tell why millers wear white caps. What is the reason?”

”Weel, sir,” replied the young shaver, ”millers wear white caps just to cover their heads.”

It is needless to remark that the roar which followed rather disconcerted the minister, and he had some difficulty afterwards in proceeding with his official examination.

=Keeping His Threat--at His Own Expense=

An examiner at the Edinburgh University had made himself obnoxious by warning the students against putting hats on the desk. The university in the Scottish capital is (or was) remarkable for a scarcity of cloak rooms, and in the excitement of examination hats are, or used to be, flung down anywhere. The examiner announced one day that if he found another hat on his desk he would ”rip it up.”

The next day no hats were laid there when the students a.s.sembled.

Presently, however, the examiner was called out of the room. Then some naughty undergraduate slipped from his seat, got the examiner's hat, and placed it on the desk. When the examiner re-entered the hall every eye was fixed upon him. He observed the hat, and a gleam of triumph shot across his face.

”Gentlemen,” he continued, ”I told you what would happen if this occurred again.”

Then he took his penknife from his pocket, opened it, and blandly cut the hat in pieces amidst prolonged applause.

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