Part 26 (2/2)
A story is told of a member of the Scotch Faculty of Advocates, distinguished for his literary attainments. One day, presenting himself on horseback at a toll, he found, on searching his pockets, that he had not a farthing about him wherewith to purchase a right of pa.s.sage. He disclosed his circ.u.mstances to the man who kept the bar, and requested that he might have credit till he came back; but the fellow was deaf to all entreaties, representing how often he had been bilked by persons promising the same thing. The advocate was offended at this insinuation, and, drawing himself up in the saddle, exclaimed: ”Look at my face, sir, and say if you think I am likely to cheat you?” The man looked as he was desired, but answered, with a shake of his head, ”I'll thank you for the twapence, sir.” Mr. ---- was obliged to turn back.
=Forcing a Judge to Obey the Law=
The Lord Justice-Clerk is the chief judge of the Scottish Criminal Court, in addition to which dignity he sits at the head of one division of the great Civil Court of the country. It will thus be understood by a southern reader that he is a personage of no small local dignity. A bearer of this office was once shooting over the grounds of a friend in Ayrs.h.i.+re by himself, when a game-keeper, who was unacquainted with his person, came up and demanded to see his license, or card of permission.
His lords.h.i.+p had, unfortunately nothing of the sort about his person; but, secure in his high character and dignity, he made very light of the omission, and was preparing to renew his sport. The man, however, was zealous in his trust, and sternly forbad him to proceed any further over the fields. ”What, sirrah,” cries his lords.h.i.+p, ”do you know whom you are speaking to? I am the Lord Justice-Clerk!” ”I dinna care,” replied the man, ”whase clerk ye are; but ye maun shank aff these grounds, or, by my saul, I'll lay your feet fast.” The reader is left to conceive the astonishment of the unfortunate judge at finding himself treated in a style so different from his wont.
=”Nothing,” and How to See It=
An Irish priest, proceeding to chapel, observed several girls seated on a tombstone, and asked them what they were doing there? ”Nothing at all, please your riverence,” was the reply of one of them. ”Nothing?” said the priest; ”what is nothing?”
”Shut your eyes, your riverence,” retorted the girl, ”and you'll see it.”
=Why Not?=
A gentleman the other day, visiting a school at Edinburgh, had a book put in his hand for the purpose of examining a cla.s.s. The word ”inheritance” occurring in the verse, the querist interrogated the youngest as follows:
”What is inheritance?”
”Patrimony.”
”What is patrimony?”
”Something left by a father.”
”What would you call it if left by a mother?”
”Matrimony.”
=True (perhaps) of Other Places than Dundee=
In the committee on the factory bill, the following sensible question was put to a witness named Peter Stuart, the overseer of the factory at Dundee. Question: ”When do your girls marry?” ”_Whenever they can meet with men!_”
=Pretending to Make a Will=
An old gentleman was one evening amusing the junior members of his family, and a number of their acquaintances, by making up a sort of imaginary will, in which he destined so much to one and so much to another; the eight-day clock to his niece or nephew, the bed to that, the table to a third, and so on. ”But what will you leave to me, Mr.
K.----?” said a lady, who felt impatient to know what was to be her lot.
”I leave you _out_,” replied the testator.
=Unusual for a Scotchman=
A countryman having read in the newspapers accounts of different bank failures, and having a hundred pounds deposited in a respectable banking company in Aberdeen, he became alarmed for its safety, hastened to town, and, calling at the bank, presented his deposit receipt, and, on demanding his money was paid, as is customary, with notes of the bank; he grasped them in his hand, and having got within reach of the door turned round, and exclaimed, ”Noo, sir, ye may braik when ye like.”
<script>