Part 20 (1/2)
”What's the use o' your speerin' that question?” said the man; ”you're John Clerk himsel'.”
”I ken that,” said John; ”but it's no himsel' that's wanted--it's his house.”
=Faring Alike=
_First Scotch Boatman_: ”Weel, Geordie, how got ye on the day?”
_Second Ditto_ (_droughty--he had been out with a Free Kirk minister, a strict abstainer_): ”Nae ava. The auld carle had nae whusky, sae I took him where there was nae fus.h.!.+”
=”Saddling the a.s.s”=
Dr. Guthrie, in the course of an address in the New Free College, remarked that he was often annoyed and vexed beyond measure to find discourses of the ablest character murdered and ma.s.sacred by a wretched delivery. Some ministers appeared to have a habit of emphasizing every third word or so; and he would tell them an anecdote which he had heard to ill.u.s.trate the importance of correct reading. A minister once reading I Kings xiii: 13, read it thus: ”And the prophet said unto his sons, _Saddle me the a.s.s_. So they saddled _him_, the a.s.s.”
=An Open Question=
A Scottish minister, being one day engaged in visiting some members of his flock, came to the door of a house where his gentle tapping could not be heard for the noise of contention within. After waiting a little he opened the door and walked in, saying with an authoritative voice, ”I should like to know who is head of this house?” ”Weel, sir,” said the husband and father, ”if ye sit down a wee, we'll maybe be able to tell ye, for we're just trying to settle that point.”
=Domestics in By-gone Days=
Dean Ramsay records the following anecdote in his ”Reminiscences of Scottish Life and Character”: The charge these old domestics used to take in the interests of the family, and the cool way in which they took upon them to protect those interests, sometimes led to very provoking and sometimes to a very ludicrous exhibition of importance. A friend told me of a dinner scene ill.u.s.trative of this sort of interference which had happened at Airth in the last generation. Mrs. Murry, of Abercairney, had been amongst the guests, and at dinner one of the family noticed that she was looking about for the proper spoon to help herself to salt. The old servant, Thomas, was appealed to, that the want might be supplied. He did not notice the appeal. It was repeated in a more peremptory manner: ”Thomas, Mrs. Murry has not a salt-spoon”; to which he replied most emphatically, ”Last time Mrs. Murry dined here we _lost_ a salt-spoon.” [7]
=A Misdeal=
A celebrated Scotch divine had just risen up to the pulpit to lead the congregation in prayer, when a gentlemen in front of the gallery took out his handkerchief to wipe the dust from his brow, forgetting that a pack of cards was wrapped up in it; the whole pack was scattered over the breast of the gallery. The minister could not resist a sarcasm, solemn as the act was in which he was about to engage. ”O man, man!
surely your psalm-book has been ill-bund.”
=”A Sign of Grace”=
A good story is told by Mr. Aird, Moderator of the Free Church of Scotland, respecting a minister who in the old days of patronage was forced upon a congregation at Alness. He was coldly received, but calling one day upon an old elder, he took a chair in spite of his gruff reception. In order to meet an awkward pause, he took out his snuff-box.
”Oh,” said the elder, ”ye tak' snuff, dae ye?”
”Oh, yes,” was the reply.
”Weel,” said the elder, ”that's the fust sign of grace I've seen in ye.”
”How's that?”
”Dae we nae read o' Solomon's temple,” replied the elder, ”that a' the snuffers were of pure gold?”
=Extraordinary Absence of Mind=
A certain Scottish professor was not more remarkable for his writings on political economy, than for his frequent unconsciousness of what pa.s.sed before him. His absence of mind was so remarkable, that his wife once wagered that she would accost him in the street, inquire after the health of herself and family, and that he would not recognize her. She actually won the wager.