Part 17 (1/2)

”Laney,” his voice is closer. ”Talk to me. We both went through this, you don't have to keep it in. You don't have to do this alone anymore.”

A sob breaks from my throat, sending pain, guilt, and torment in my lungs. ”No!” I scream, shoving back from him. ”I did it. I can't forgive myself. I was so f.u.c.king selfish. I hate myself.” Vomit is rising from my stomach. The words are there...I want to say them so bad.

”Talk. Say it. Say it out loud.”

A scream breaks from my lips and I fall onto the floor. ”I aborted our baby. I killed it! Just kill me,” I cry. ”Just take my life and give his back.” I'm shaking, my body s.h.i.+vering from pain. Guilt. An emotion that will eat you from the inside out until you're a sh.e.l.l of the person you used to be.

Lachlan reaches out and wraps an arm around me.

”No,” I whisper. ”I can't. I see what I wanted our life to be when I look at you. I wanted to keep it, but I was too f.u.c.king selfish. I abandoned you and him. I left you sitting there, hands cupping your face. You begged me to keep him.” Another sob breaks from my chest. ”Please, just take me instead.”

Lachlan's arms are trying to pull me up but my legs are trembling, my body on fire. I haven't told anyone this. Only Lachlan. Not Heather. Not my mom. The day threatens to break through my guarded door. The door I shoved it behind.

Lachlan is cradling me in his arms, holding me tight. I don't deserve it. My mother once told me that a heart can't be loved unless it knows it deserves it.

I don't.

Pus.h.i.+ng away from his arms, I stand on wobbling legs. My eyes lock on his for the first time. Tears are pouring down his face. I caused this pain. I caused the heartache in his chest. Me.

Wiping my tears, I shake when I hear my phone ring. Heather is on the other end. I mumble something into the phone and shove it back into my pocket. ”I'm sorry, Lachlan. I have to go.”

”What? No, luv.” Standing up now, he presses his palm against my cheek. ”Stay with me, Lane. Stay with me.”

Fighting back the ache, I shake my head. ”I can't. I've hurt you so much, I don't want to anymore. I'm sorry for my mistakes. I will hate myself every day from here on out because of it. I took something so precious away from both of us. I don't deserve your love, Lachlan.”

His eyes widen, and he grips my shoulders, shaking me slightly. ”No, don't you dare close up. Don't you b.l.o.o.d.y dare. I want you. I always have. I never stopped thinking about you.”

”Or him,” I mumble. ”I caused you that heartache. You asked me not to and I did it anyway. I aborted our baby.” It feels so foreign on my tongue.

”No. I've forgiven you. You were seventeen and scared. You made a mistake. I've forgiven you, please forgive yourself or it will eat you alive.”

”I have to go.” I run from the room, unable to look back. I feel Lachlan on my heels, his cries screaming down my neck. I don't give him a chance to answer. Because I don't deserve it.

I run and don't stop.

Chapter Eighteen.

Lachlan ”On my knees, I'll ask Last chance for one last dance” Nickleback The place is b.l.o.o.d.y packed. When Cynthia said there was quite a buzz about this place, I didn't realize it would be this much of one.

The dining area is overflowing. People are on the waiting list for up to an hour. My palms are sweaty as I toss some pepper into the noodles.

”You're doing great, chef,” Cynthia says from behind me. I glance over my shoulder and give her an easy smile.

”Don't you have to say that, luv?”

She giggles and nods. ”Sure, but I'm telling the truth. The customers are bragging on you already. They're loving it.”

A smile rises from the corner of my mouth. I can't believe I'm the head chef here. I'd always wanted it, yet it always seemed so out of reach. Cynthia places her hands on my shoulder. ”You should go say hi to your guests. I'm sure the others can take care of this.”

Glancing around, I see several other workers working hard. They're all great to work with and actually care about the food. Wiping my hands, I shove my towel into my s.h.i.+rt pocket and s.n.a.t.c.h the hat from my head. ”I think that's a great idea. I'll be out in a minute.”

Nerves swarm my body, but I push them back down. Stop being a p.u.s.s.y. Swinging the double doors opened, I stand looking out at all of the guests. I had been sneaking peeks all night through the window but seeing it like this...wow. I head for the first table and thank them for coming. Everyone is splendid.

I'm heading toward the balcony when I hear her laugh. So charismatic. So lovely. My chest throbs with pain. She hasn't answered my calls since that night. Finally admitting out loud what she had done, I even felt the weight lift from her shoulders.

She had been so sad that day. So, broken.

I nuzzled her neck, trying to get a response out of her. She only looked into the distance, her feet hanging from the tailgate of my dad's old pickup.

”Laney, what's wrong, luv? You sick? Want to go home?”

She shook her head, blond hair blowing in the cool wind. Half of it was pulled from her face, but the rest lay against her back. I loved it that way. Smooth, and long, yet I could still see her bright green eyes.

”I'm fine. I just...” she trailed off, looking out at the forest. It's the same side of the river I took her for our first time. The same spot.

”Just what? You can tell me, Laney.”

A tear slid down her face, falling into her lap. Her fingers were shaking against my thighs. I wanted to beat the f.u.c.k out of anything that made her so scared. So frightened. I just didn't realize I had played a part in it.

”I'm pregnant.”

My jaw dropped. Black threatened to take over my eyes. Pregnant? How? Well, f.u.c.k, I knew how. I just...we had worn protection. Each time. No, pregnant?

”Laney, I-”

Her bottom lip trembled and I reached for her. She moved away, off of the tailgate and onto the ground. ”I can't do this. I'm seventeen. You promised we would be okay. That the condom wouldn't break. I can't...”

”Luv, I would never leave you to do this alone. Never. I would...I will be there for you...for our baby. Are you sure? Have you been to the doctor? I...I didn't realize it had broken.”

She nodded. ”I'm pregnant. I'm late, I've taken two tests and I went to the Health Clinic. I couldn't go to my doctor; I was scared they'd tell my parents.”

”You haven't told your parents, Laney? You have to tell your mom. She can help you. You'll need to go to monthly visits.”

”No,” she shouted. ”I'm not doing any of that. I'm...going to get an abortion.”

Abortion. My heart stood still in my chest. ”You can't be serious...I thought...I thought you didn't believe in them?”

She wipes her eyes, her make-up covering her cheeks. ”I have to. I'm going to California to paint, Lachlan. I can't go with a baby. Who'd watch it? How would I pay for the milk? The food, clothes, diapers?”

”We could do it together, Laney. We talked about having kids in the future, right? We can start early. Get a place together. We'll figure it out, you don't have to abort our...baby. Luv, please talk to me.”

She started to shake, her entire body on the verge of breakdown. I saw it in her eyes. The fear. The cries. The inability to control the situation. ”No, I've already set up the appointment.”