4 Chapter 1 - Pagnanasang Bilad (1/2)

I HAVE A SECRET, a dirty little secret. I am but an ordinary high school girl, a virgin and I am secretly but concededly addicted to watching pornographies. Walang pwedeng makaalam ng sikreto ko. Hindi ang pamilya ko, hindi ang mga kaibigan ko, wala, walang sino man. Or I will lose everything - all that I am.

Or so I thought..

I have another secret, and I want to tell you about it.

❧ ❧ ❧

Tiningnan ko ang imahe ko sa salamin pagkalabas ko sa shower tub, I sneered. ”Hmf! The good girl,” bulong ko sa sarili.

Iyan din ang bansag sa akin ng lahat. Maamo ang mukha, hindi maarte sa katawan, magalang at mahinahon magsalita, simple lang. Pero sa likod ng mala-anghel na imahe na yan, may mga mapaglarong imahinasyon ng kalibugan. Hindi lang nila alam.

My eyes flickered at my body's reflection in the mirror; my lashes batted in seduction. I was naked, still wet, warm and just, very naked. I lifted my chin up, pouted my lips into a meaningful grin, masked my face into a full-on seduction. The innocence of my cheeks turned crimson. I wasn't me.

My hair was damp; from its strands, I felt sensations from the drops of water flowing through my young but full and delicate breasts.

”Nice,” I whispered looking at my breasts. My areolas tingled as the cold few drops of water covered it wet.

I bit my lip, feeling aroused and a little proud. For my age, I was well endowed with a perky, slightly pointy, bouncy and just a nice handful pair of breasts. I felt hot looking at it.

Nai-imagine ko iyung isang eksena sa porn kung saan dahan-dahang naglakbay ang dila nung lalake sa masaganang dibdib nung babae. Hindi ko napigilan at marahan ko rin hinimas ang kaliwa kong suso at nilaro-laro ko ang basa ko pang mga utong.

Pleasures.

Ahh. Saglit akong napaungol, napakagat-labi at napangiti sa nakikita ko sa salamin.

”Touch yourself, Cece,” ang bulong ko sa babae sa salamin. I sucked the corner of my lower lip then curved it to the dirtiest smile I could express.

Unti-unti kong naramdaman ang init at sarap na ipinakita nung babae sa porn. Ang isa kong kamay ay dahan-dahang kong pinaglakbay mula sa batok ko; malambing kong minasahe ng kaunti ang aking ulo; pinaikot-ikot ko ang mga daliri ko mula sa tenga, sa pisngi hanggang sa labi.

Nagpatuloy ang aking kanang kamay sa paglamas ng malaman at malambot kong dibdib, habang dahan-dahan namang kumiliti ang kaliwa kong mga daliri pababa sa manipis kong baywang, patungo sa puson at nagpatuloy hanggang sa aking namamasang hiwa.

Ahh. Nakaramdam ako ng kaunting paninikip ng aking laman. Sariwa pa sa isipan ko ang eksena sa porn na pinanood ko pagkagising ko. Ang mga matipid na halik at nakakapang-init na mga kagat nung porn actor sa katawan nung blonde na babaeng porn star hanggang sa makarating ito sa kanyang namamasa at mapulang pagkababae.

Hindi na isang dalagang mahinhin ang nakikita ko sa salamin. Instead, I saw the woman in that porn video as she enjoyed every little bit of pleasure she was getting, that woman became me. Very vividly, I imagined na may mala adonis na lalaki rin ang nagpapaikot ng mundo ko, nilalasap ang matamis at sariwa kong katawan.

Napanganga ako. Napatingkayad ang ulo. Nalilibugan. Nasasarapan akong nakikita ang sarili kong nasasarapan din.

Ahhhhh. Napaungol ako ng mahina. Pinisil-pisil ko ang tirik kong mga utong, while my other hand remained busy as my clever little fingers continued to rub on my virgin pussy. My clit was full and becoming extra sensitive. Paminsa'y ipinapasok ko sa aking butas ang dulong parte ng aking hinlalato. May kaunting hapdi akong nararamdaman na siyang nagdulot naman ng nakakabaliw na kasarapan.

Paulit-ulit. Taas-baba. Paikot-ikot. Eksperto na ang mga kamay ko sa pagpapaligaya ng dalaga kong katawan.

Ahhhhh. In my head, I hear the rising excitement of the porn star from the video I just watched earlier, they were soft and delicate but an all consuming moans. Ahh - ahhh - ahhhh - ah.

Napakagat labi ako at napasandal sa pader, pero nakikita ko pa rin ang sarili ko sa salamin, hubad at nasasarapan. Sa imahinasyon ko, may lalaking nakaluhod sa harapan ko, nakasubsub ang ulo sa bukana ko at hinihimod, sinisipsip at sinisimot ang aking buong katamisan.

Paulit-ulit. Taas-baba. Paikot-ikot. I was getting breathless, heading to a burgeoning frenzy. Mas madiin, mas mabilis, sagad at sukdulan na sa kasarapan.

Ahhhhhhhh. Nagsukob ang init at lamig sa aking katawan. Sumisikip na ang puson ko't kaibuturan. Tila ba sumasabay sa isang classical opera na may kasamang pagputok ng mga fireworks habang patungo ako sa rurok ng aking orgasmo.

Paulit-ulit. Taas-baba. Paikot-ikot. Paulit-ulit. Taas-baba. Paikot-ikot. Papigil-pigil na ang hinga ko. Madiin, mabilis, paikot-ikot.

AH - AAHHH - AH - AH - AHH - AHHHHHH. Napapikit ako, napaungol ng husto, naghabol ng hininga - maligaya.

My eyes slid shot in ecstasy as I hit my climax, they were some tight pulsing of virgin juices; it took me awhile to recover.

I looked at myself in the mirror again, I was flushed; my face, horny. I could no longer see the saintly, studious, virgin high school girl that everyone saw me to be. Instead, I saw a girl, similar to a closing scene in a porn video after a wild and dirty sex with a huge porn guy - a dirty, dirty girl with a very wet mouth - thankful for the morning lust.

My body glistened against the mirror. The bathroom seemed brighter but misty and blurry. I felt smoother, lighter and definitely wetter. I went back to the tub to take a quick rinse, and when I came out, I couldn't keep my eyes off of myself in the mirror.

I sighed. ”Cece,” I whispered soft, then I shook my head. I gaped on my body's reflection, my eyes full of questions.

Paglabas ko ng shower saka naman paakyat ng hagdan si kuya Jared, halata ang pagkainip sa kanyang mukha na balak na sigurong katukin ako sa bathroom.

”Bakit ba sobrang tagal maligo n'yong mga babae? Sobrang dumi niyo ba at todo-todo kayo maligo?” pagreklamo niya na may diin sa 'tagal', 'dumi' at 'maligo'.

”Sorry naman. Medyo uncomfortable kasi magshower sa tub,” mahinhing palusot ko.

Dahil napagtripan kong baguhin ang disenyo ng bathroom ko sa kwarto na hindi ko matapos-tapos, nagtiya-tiyaga akong maligo sa guest bathroom na nasa kabilang dulo ng hallway mula sa room ko, na siya ring kinaiinis ni kuya Jared dahil may pagka-sloppy ako kung maglakad pabalik sa room ko na nakatapis lamang ng tuwalya ang katawan ko.

Typical of kuya Jared, may pagka-exaggerated ang pagka-conservative niya pagdating sa'kin. He started fidgeting awkwardly so I dashed straight into my bedroom.

”Cece, bilisan mo magbihis ha. Ihatid na daw kita tuwing papasok sabi ni mama. Puro **** ang laman daw ng balita. Tsk. Baka malate pa ako sa school nito eh!” masungit niyang sambit pagsara ko ng pinto. Nai-imagine kong mala asong galit na naman ang nguso niya. Siya 'yung protective na kuya pero puro reklamo sa pagprotect.

I grew up with four older brothers. 'Yung tatlo graduate na at may mga trabaho na. Si kuya Jared na lang na nasa kolehiyo pa ang madalas bantay sarado sa akin. Lahat naman sila kasama ko pa sa bahay, halos sila nga lang din ang madalas kong kasama sa bahay. Being the only girl has its perks but has lots of downsides din.

I am in a princess case. May mga kuyang they treat their sisters as one of them, pero ako, they all treat me like a precious, fragile, little princess. They would always keep me out of the dark, and in the dark. Rated SPG agad ang conversations nila kapag nariyan ang presensya ko. Pero alam ko namang alagad din sila ng kalibugan. Boys will be boys ika nga.

❧ ❧ ❧

It was my first day in senior high. Magkahalong kaba at excitement ang nararamdaman ko. Marami kasi ang nagsasabi na mahirap na daw ang senior high school life. Dito daw, para kang college student na hindi pa graduate sa high school. Parang dalawang taong hangover sa high school life.

I took a moment to breathe it all in. But it wasn't just about me transitioning to the senior high school life. There I was, standing in front of our campus gate, knowing full well that inside this school lies all of my secrets. I sighed thinking it will be another school year of pretending and hiding.

”Cece! Antayin mo ah-ko sabay na tah-yo!” tawag sa akin ni Balong habang pababa siya ng jeep at ako'y papasok na sa gate ng school.

I shook my head in annoyance. Paano kasi, he walked like he has no care in the world; he had this unique blend of confidence and arrogance, something you either tolerate or deeply despise. Then, he bit his lower lip and let out a somewhat lascivious smirk, which was very consistent of his trademark smile. I sighed heavy. What could have been a few steps for a normal walk, it took him forever.

I rolled my eyes. ”Balong life is short. I'm not gonna waste another second on you,” I barked at him and continued my entry to the gate; just then, he decided to rush towards me.

”Ugh! You're such a tease.”

He softly bumped his shoulder against mine, but I tried to ignore. Madalas na niyang asar sa akin na nakakalibog daw ako kung magpakipot and he was always brutally loud when he makes those kind of remarks.

While we were walking, heading to the main building, I felt irritated at the sound of him chewing a gum loudly. I glared at him, twisted my face in disgust. But before I could express it in words, something else caught my attention.

”Ano ba naman yang suot mo Balong, bawal sa school yan ah. Kaya ka palaging nasisita eh,” I sighed in disbelief. Nakastatement t-shirt kasi siya na may nakasulat na 'I f**k hard'.

”Then, silah ang green minded. Pu-we-deh naman Funk o Fork ang meaning ni-toh noh.”

Ignoring my alarmed face, he plastered a smile on his face, his lips pursed on one side and waggled his eyebrows na may isang guhit na pilat ang kaliwa. He had this devil-may-care face na mukhang palaging makikipagaway.

”You fork hard? Seriously?”

”Yeah, why not? Or I funk hard. De bah?”

Binigyan lang ako ni Balong ng isang malokong ngiti at dalawang nota na tawa.

Si Balong, whose real name is Archibald Dickinson, ang amboy kong classmate since junior high. Kinaiinisan siya sa school dahil sa mga kalokohan niya. Isa siyang proud malibog. I know marami rin naman talaga ang mga bastos ang utak sa school, pero si Balong, ibang level siya. May sarili siyang kategorya ng kalibugan. Mukha pa lang kasi niya, manyak na.

Ako lang talaga ang nagtitiyaga sa kaniya. Wala kasi siyang friend. Mabait naman siya, gwapo, matangkad; kaedaran ko lang siya pero may tikas na ang katawan, may angas ang dating, tipikal na bad boy pero 'yung mukhang mabangong bad boy naman. Higit sa lahat, at least para sa akin, nakakaaliw din 'yung tagalog accent niya. Iyun nga lang, walang makatiis sa kalibugan niya. Parte na ng bokabularyo niya ang mga pahapyaw na kabastusan.

”Laters, babe. Stay wet for me!” paalam ni Balong when we parted ways sa main lobby. Napalingo-lingo na lang ako.

Pagpasok ko sa classroom, isang mahigpit na akap agad ang bumungad sa akin. ”Cece! Namiss kita baby girl!” paglalambing ni ate Juris. Isang taon lang naman ang tanda niya sa akin pero nakasanayan ko nang tawagin siyang Ate.

”O ate, first day pa lang ng class ah, naitayo mo na agad yang salon mo?” biro ko sa kaniya.

I surveyed the room quickly to look for a better seat. Definitely not in the back where ate Juris had permanently established her salon club since junior high.

Gamit ang dalawang daliri, marahang hinawi ni ate Juris ang buhok niya mula sa harapan ng kanyang balikat papunta sa likod. ”Cece, seniors na tayo. Dapat ang ayos, pang seniors na den,” sopistikadang sambit niya.

”Seniors, lola, ganon?” patawa kong sambit.

”Excuse me! Mukha ba akong lola?”

We both giggled. ”Joke lang, ate,” pagbawi ko.

Si Juris Claire E. Contrata ay isa sa mga sikat-sikatan sa school. Stand out kasi talaga ang ganda niya. She has this long wavy hair na may dagdag volume ang mga curls, mala-porselana ang kutis niya, trendy at stylish palagi ang pananamit niya, distinct ang bango niya and she looked wiser than her age. She didn't neccessarily aimed for fame, or at least, that's what she's been saying to everyone, but I know she has always pegged Princess Diana and she was obvious about it. She was sort of the school's people's princess too, and she loves animals. She promotes dog adoption, she volunteers to a care center for stray dogs, and she also volunteers to a home for the elderlies every weekend. It's all in her instagram account. It was clear to me that her heart is in the right places. Pero, she also love talking about make-up, shopping and the Kardashians a lot.

”Naku, ate, ayokoooh,” nahihiya akong tumanggi nang inusisa niya ang mga kuko ko, gets ko na agad kung ano naiisip niya.

”Come, tara, sige na.”

”Eee, no thanks ate. Err, next time siguro?”

Hinila niya ako patungo sa upuan niya kung saan naroon din ang grupo niya na kasalukuyang naglalagay ng nail polish. Balak pa sana ako lagyan ni ate Juris ng lip shimmer, pero kalaunay sumang-ayon din siya sa mga pagtangi ko.

There is a sophisticated tone in her voice yet she has always sounded sincere. ”Cece, it's time na you at least try to use a little make up naman no. Teka, have you started using the face wash and the honey-oatmeal moisturizer I gave you?”

I simpered. ”Err, sorry ate. Hindi pa eh. But I wash my face naman every night eh.”

She rolled her eyes. ”Sure, with your milk bath!” With her two fingers, she brushed her hair with finesse and flipped it back again. ”Look.. Fine.. You have the skin of a baby, and, I love you, pero seriously? Inggit talaga ako sayo. Look at your skin, para kang baby angel. So not fair!”

I forced a smile, a little embarrassed and awkward from the compliments. ”'Yun pala eh, edi working yung milk bath as face wash.”

She just nudged my humor comment at umiling-iling. ”Are you sure you don't want some shimmer? This. This would look perfect on your lips. Seriously, how do you keep those lips.. so, plush?”

”Ate naman e, kung maka-dissect ka sa mukha ko.”

Ate Juris has always been the persistent type; the thing about her, she doesn't take no for an answer. But sometimes, I do get away with it. I vehememently shook my head to say no to her make-over attempts on me, I smiled in thank you and subtly escaped to the seat on the second row in front.

”Ay! Cece. Tabi ulit tayo?”