Part 30 (1/2)
H. F. CHORLEY, _Life_.
Fhairshon had a son, Who married Noah's daughter, And nearly spoilt ta flood, By trinking up ta water: Which he would have done, I at least believe it, Had ta mixture peen Only half Glenlivet.
_Bon Gaultier Ballads._
After the execution of the eighteen malefactors [in 1787], a female was bawling an account of them, but called them nineteen. A gentleman said to her, ”Why do you say nineteen? There were but eighteen hanged.” She replied, ”Sir, I did not know you had been reprieved.”
HORACE WALPOLE, _Correspondence_.
_ON THE MARRIAGE OF JOB WALL AND MARY BEST._
Job, wanting a partner, thought he'd be blest, If, of all womankind, he selected the Best; For, said he, of all evils that compa.s.s the globe, A bad wife would most try the patience of Job.
The Best, then, he chose, and made bone of his bone, Though 'twas clear to his friends she'd be Best left alone; For, though Best of her s.e.x, she's the weakest of all, If it's true that the weakest must go to the Wall.
HICKS, _apud_ J. C. YOUNG.
La vertu des femmes est peut-etre une question du temperament.
BALZAC, _Physiologie du Mariage_.
_ON ONE STEALING A POUND OF CANDLES._
Light-fingered Catch, to keep his hands in ure, Stole anything,--of this you may be sure, That he thinks all his own that once he handles,-- For practice' sake did steal a pound of candles; Was taken in the act:--oh, foolish wight!
To steal such things as needs must come to light!
_A Collection of Epigrams_ (1727).
At Hook's, one day the conversation turned on the Duke of c.u.mberland, and a question asked who he married. ”Don't you know?” said Cannon; ”the Princess de _Psalms_ (Salms),--good enough for _Hymn_ (him).”
W. JERDAN, _Memoirs_.
For me, I neither know nor care Whether a parson ought to wear A black dress or a white dress; Fill'd with a trouble of my own-- A wife who preaches in her gown, And lectures in her night-dress!
THOMAS HOOD.
Madame de ---- having said, in her intense style, ”I should like to be married in _English_, in a language in which vows are so faithfully kept,” some one asked Frere, ”What language, I wonder, was _she_ married in?” ”_Broken_ English, I suppose,” answered Frere.
THOMAS MOORE, _Diary_.
Your magpies and stock-doves may flirt among trees, And chatter their transports in groves, if they please; But a house is much more to my taste than a tree, And for groves, O! a good grove of chimneys for me.
CHARLES MORRIS, _Lyra Urbanica_.
Again they asked me to marry them, and again I declined, when they cried,--”Oh, cruel man!