Part 34 (1/2)
I lost something last night Im sure youll understand what I mean. It was not the wonderful and incredible experience that I had hoped for but it was still very exciting. I found the cuddling afterwards more enjoyable and we talked and talked. Waking up with someone next to you is something else, isnt it? Is this normal I dont feel completely bowled off my feet?
Ellie I immediately picked up the phone and dialled her extension.
”Can you talk?” I asked.
”Yes. Theres no-one here at the moment.”
”I got your note!” I said.
”Am I being too hard on him?”
”No, Ellie. s.e.x is like everything else in life. The more you practice it, the better it gets. Just be patient and it will happen. Was the spark there?”
”What do you mean?”
”I mean did you want to rip his clothes off and jump into bed with him?”
”G.o.d, yes. But when we started it hurt a bit. He wasnt that gentle!”
”Then tell him.”
”I cant do that.”
”Why not?”
”I might hurt his feelings!”
Why, I wondered, did people so often think that it was preferable not to hurt someone elses feelings when their body was being hurt?
”Ellie, h.e.l.l want to give you as much pleasure as he can. If he doesnt then youll want to think again about whether hes right for you.”
Out of the corner of my eye I could see Phil coming back into the office.
”I have to go now,” I said. ”Phils coming!”
”Dont tell him. Please!”
”Jeez, Ellie! I wouldnt dream of it. See you at the flat tonight, okay?”
”Yeah, sure!”
I rang off as Phil entered the office.
”She told you then?”
”No secrets between girlfriends,” I answered.
”What did she say?”
”Thats between me and her, but if you are wondering whether she wants to see you again, I think I can definitely confirm that the answer is 'yes!”
He smiled as he gave me the coffee.
”Im more interested in what you have to say,” I offered.
He suddenly looked quite sheepish and unsure. His eyes left mine for a moment and studied the floor and I noticed that his hands moved from his knees and joined together in an awkward clasp. He was surprisingly nervous.
”Phil?” I asked. ”Are you alright? You dont have to say anything.”
”This is in confidence, right?”
”Like a doctor and patient!” I said, trying to be rea.s.suring.
”Well, it was good and all, but we didnt......I didnt.....”
He hesitated again. When he didnt start talking I tried to give him some gentle encouragement.
I realised that his anxiety about sharing his feelings was no different from mine. As I watched Phil struggle it reminded me of my own struggle with John. I remembered how he had moved around to my side and gently rea.s.sured me. I decided to do the same. As I sat next to him, I put my arm on his back and helped him.
”I was so excited, Penny! I just wanted her so bad, but she didnt really know what to do. Do you know what I mean?”
I looked at him and nodded.
”I mean I took her into the bedroom and I could tell she wanted me......”
He hesitated again. Clearly this was difficult for him to say.
”But......we didnt......”
”Its okay n.o.bodys going to judge you, Phil.”
”We didnt........have any......foreplay!” he finally said.
I started to understand what he was saying and gently encouraged him.
”I really like her and all, but I didnt know how to ask her to......you know.....?”
”I think I know what you mean, Phil!” I said confidently.
”I wanted her to...but she didnt seem to know anything. I just ended up sticking it in and pumping away. It hurt and I was worried about hurting her. But Id started and didnt want to take it out because I thought she might think I didnt want to make love to her. I thought I might hurt her feelings.”