Part 8 (2/2)

Chapter 15.

Carole looked after me. Chris slept in the spare bed while little 'sis slept with me. I couldnt tell her what happened - I just couldnt - and luckily she did not press me. Im sure she must think that I was raped or a.s.saulted, but I just cant tell her that the man Id seduced had realised, mid-s.h.a.g, that I was fantasising about another man. How do you tell that to anyone, let alone your sister?

I had another session sobbing my eyes out at the breakfast table. Carole and Chris had no idea how to stop me. They just sat there quietly, Chris on one side, with his hand on my back, Carole holding my hand.

”Um....Do you....dyou....want to...”

”No,” I said quickly. ”Its too painful.”

”What about the police?” Chris asked. I could tell theyd been talking to each other.

”G.o.d, no!” I said with a start. ”You mustnt do that!”

”But....”

I had to tell them something. I had to tell them enough of the truth for them to understand and not blame anyone.

”He walked out on me. We got back here, started having s.e.x and then he just got up and walked out on me.”

”What a b.a.s.t.a.r.d!” said Carole.

”Ill punch his face in next time I see him,” threatened Chris.

”No. No. You must not blame him.”

”Why not?” they said together. Then Carole took my arm and spoke more softly.

”What happened, 'sis, you can tell us. We just want to help.”

”I....I....He....”

What could I say? I did not want to lie, but I could not tell them what happened. What could I say?

”I dont want to tell you,” I started but suddenly the words started to come out. ”Something happened that upset the evening. It is no-ones fault you must not blame him - but when this 'something happened we got angry with each other. Thats all I can say.”

”But why all the tears, sis” said Chris.

”Oh! Carole. It just all came down on me. My life looks great on the outside but inside it is a heap of s.h.i.+t. I look at you and Chris and wonder what Im doing with my life. I know I look all confident and happy, but Id trade places with you if I could.”

Caroles mouth dropped open. Clearly she could not believe what she was hearing. Then her mouth closed, she took my hand and indicated I should stand up. As soon as I was on my feet she held her arms open and I fell into them.

”Welcome to the real world, sis,” she whispered.

”No fairy tales. No happy endings?” I asked.

”Dont be such a cynic,” she said pulling away and looking me in the face.

”Why not?”

”I found my prince charming. So will you,” and she cast a glance at Chris the like of which Id never noticed before. I was so used to her moaning about his habits that Id not noticed that she really admired him.

Chris smiled back then put his arms around both of us.

”Family cuddle,” he said, and for reasons I could not understand another wave of emotion engulfed me and the tears started to flow again. Carole spoke softly while Chris hugged us both.

”Thats right. Go on. Let it out. Get it out.”

I suddenly realised that my little sister had done more growing up than I had. She had taken on the responsibility of a partner and baby. What had I done? Yeah, I had my career but how did that compare to the responsibility of loving another person? I hadnt done that. Id never been ready to do that. And I was still not sure if I was ready to do it now.

”By the way,” Carole suddenly interjected, ”John called. He said h.e.l.l pick you up at 12pm.”

”John? Oh G.o.d, yes!” I remembered and was amazed. He was going to keep his word.

Carole smiled at me.

”He sounded nice.”

”Dont!” was my first response. ”Ive had all the romance I can take for one weekend.”

”Romance?” laughed Chris.

”Oh, shut up,” I said, but the smile that was creeping back into my demeanour communicated to him that I did not really mean it.

Chris smiled back at me. Id never noticed before what a kind smile he had. I wondered if, perhaps, I had misjudged him. It was already 10.30; John was coming at mid-day so I had to stir myself to start getting ready. I went over to the dresser and combed my hair.

”Now girl,” said Carole. ”Dont dress up for him. Just put on something real casual and be yourself.”

My hand rose to my forehead as I gave her a salute.

”Dont try to impress him. Just let the day unfold and run with it, however it goes.”

I knew she was trying to help, but it always annoyed me when she gave advice like this. I took it on the chin, however; it was good advice after all.

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