Vol 7 Chapter 4.2 (1/2)
This is a continuation of PART A.
Whoosh.
He felt a breeze.
He smelled flowers. The faintly sweet smell of wildflowers.
Whoosh.
The breeze touched his cheek, and caressed his bangs.
Oh, it's that again. It's... that.
He opened his eyes.
The light stung.
A field stretched out before him.
A field of tender gra.s.s. The wind was still somewhat sharp and cold, but the rays of the sun were strong. Small white flowers bloomed everywhere, swaying in the breeze, and glowing in the sunlight. There were misty mountain peaks in the distance. Were those lakes on the mountain-skirts, white pools reflecting the light of the sun? Lakes and marshes both large and small dotted the land. The sky was an indigo blue. It was such a deep azure, it looked like it could colour everything else with its pale shade. But the flowers still bloomed white on the ground, and the gra.s.ses were a gentle green.
In the sky he saw blue, on the land green, and he saw the forest.
There was a forest beyond the meadow. He could hear the rustling of the trees. White-backed leaves were fluttering. Birds soared up, and swooped down again. A fluff ball drifted past Nezumi's line of vision.
He wanted to chase it.
Can I chase it?
Nezumi had lifted his face to look up. Looking up at... whom?
”Come here.”
There was a gentle voice, and he felt his body being tenderly lifted up.
Oh, it's that again.
It steals my consciousness, and bears my soul away.
He felt like a little child. He was being carried gently. Like a small, small child.
Last time, it was summer.
He had smelled the hot air rising from the gra.s.s.
Was it springtime now? The scenery was more subdued. The wind, the light, the smells, the colours were all soft and gentle, encircling Nezumi in an embrace.
”I will teach you a song.”
He shook his head. ”I can do it... I can sing.”
”You can sing? That song?”
”Yeah.” Nezumi straightened his posture, and drew himself up.
O earth, wind, and rain; O heavens, O light
Keep everything here, and
O soul, my heart, O love, my feelings true
And stay
The wind stopped. It's listening to the song, Nezumi thought. The wind subsided, and the b.a.l.l.s of fluff began to fall slowly to the ground.
”I see. So you can sing.”
His hair was caressed. He was gently rubbed on the back.
”Sing some more. Let me hear a little more of your song.”
But here I will stay
Please
Please
Accept my song
His eyelids drooped. All the strength left his body.
”...I'm sleepy.”
”Then go to sleep.”
Could I close my eyes like this, and drift off into a slumber?
”Go to sleep. I will take you there.”
”...Where are you going?”
”To the forest.”
”To the forest?”
”Go to sleep. Think of nothing, and let yourself rest.”
Is it really alright for me to go to sleep like this?
His body rocked back and forth. He was comfortable. So comfortable...
”I'm going back!” he heard himself yell.
He had to go back. He could not let himself drift off asleep. He had to return to reality, where s.h.i.+on was. It didn't matter what awaited him there; he couldn't let himself flee on his own.
s.h.i.+on.
I need to return to you.
He felt a cough coming up. The smoke and the stench of blood filtered deep into his body. A fit of coughs overtook him. He wiped his mouth, and stood up.
He could see s.h.i.+on with his back to him. The boy stood with both arms dangling at his sides. The pistol was still in his right hand.
”I can't save anyone,” s.h.i.+on said in a m.u.f.fled voice. He was repeating it.
I can't save anyone.
”―s.h.i.+on,” Nezumi tried calling the boy's name.
s.h.i.+on, do you hear my voice?
”Nezumi.”
s.h.i.+on's eyes focused on Nezumi. Joy ignited within them. A smile spread widely across his face. A sigh of relief spilled from his lips. The pistol slid from his hand.
”Thank goodness you're safe. But―you're bleeding a lot. Are you alright? We have to bind that wound, at least.”
s.h.i.+on took off his sweater and started ripping the sleeve.
”This is all I have, but it might serve as a bandage. Give me your shoulder, and I'll bind it.”
It was the usual s.h.i.+on. His usual tone, his usual gaze. He was naive and foolish, ignorant, idealistic, unbelievably honest, and warm.
Nezumi's heart ached. He felt burning at the back of his eyes.
”s.h.i.+on.”
”What? Does it hurt?”
”You protected me.”
”Huh?”
”Don't forget that. You... protected me.”
”Me?”
s.h.i.+on closed his mouth, and blinked at him repeatedly. His gaze slid to and focused on the pistol lying on the floor. Then, it moved to the man slumped lifeless against the wall. He had been shot between the eyes.
Quite something, Nezumi thought fleetingly.
The bullet had pierced the man squarely in the middle of his forehead. Despite the fact that it was at point-blank range, shooting a target without a sight was not an easy feat for an amateur.
s.h.i.+on's breathing quickened. He brought his palms up to his face. He stared at them intently as if there were some cryptic letters carved into them. His palms, his arms, his whole body trembled.
”Nezumi―what have I done?”
”You protected me. You saved me with your life―”
”No!” s.h.i.+on's scream resounded in the confined s.p.a.ce. ”You're wrong! You're wrong! You're wrong!”
”I'm not wrong!” Nezumi shot back. ”I would've been killed if it weren't for you. He wouldn't have been sitting there bleeding. It would've been me.”
He pointed at Ras.h.i.+.
”I would've looked like that.”
He grabbed s.h.i.+on's arms. He shook the boy with all his might. s.h.i.+on's head jerked back and forth. He was like a marionette dangling on broken strings.
”Listen. Listen to what I say. You protected me, do you understand? You saved me. s.h.i.+on.”
Listen, s.h.i.+on. Grasp my words. Believe them.
”If I were you, I would have done the same. I would definitely have done it. This is a battlefield. If we don't kill, we get killed. What you did was justified.”
Nezumi chewed his lip. The words crumbled and rotted as soon as they slipped out of his mouth. This isn't what I really want to say.
Then, what did he want to say? What do I really want to tell s.h.i.+on right now?
”Nezumi...” s.h.i.+on murmured hoa.r.s.ely. ”I... killed him.”
He got up, and picked the handgun off the floor.
”I don't know how. But without any hesitation at all, I was able to just... kill another human being.”
Their eyes met.
What do I have to tell him?
”Is that forgivable? Is that something... that's allowed to be forgiven?”
The mere 5.4-mm diameter of the barrel seemed so large to his eyes.
”You said once that No. 6 and I were very similar. I said you were wrong. But... maybe you were right. I am like that city. It doesn't matter why I did it. I coldly, ruthlessly, wrenched a man's life from him. Nezumi―”
Total length: 155 mm. Weight: 460 g. Shots equipped: 8. Rifling: 4 grooves, clockwise.
How many shots are left?
”Can I be forgiven...?”
s.h.i.+on closed his eyes.
s.h.i.+on? What are you doing?
”Stop―!”
Nezumi had raised a cry. Not with his voice, but with his whole body. He lunged at the boy, and punched him as hard as he could. As s.h.i.+on crumpled to the ground, Nezumi straddled him.
”Stop f.u.c.king around!”
He grabbed the boy by his collar, and struck him across the cheek.
”You must ― be f.u.c.king ― kidding me !”