Vol 2 Chapter 4.2 (1/2)
[Novel] NO. 6 - Vol 2 Ch 4 (b)
This is a continuation of PART A.
Karan was at a loss for words. She couldn't let go of the arm she was grasping. The slender sixteen-year-old girl stood silently before her.
”Safu... what on earth are you saying? Do you know what kind of place the West Block is?”
”I don't. I've only heard that it's a terrifying place. But I'm still going.”
”But― but― you said so yourself just now. It might be possible to exit the city, but getting back in...”
”It doesn't matter to me,” Safu said determinedly. ”Even if I could never come back here again, I wouldn't regret it. If s.h.i.+on is in the West Block, that's where I'm going.”
”Safu.”
”I want to see him. I want to see s.h.i.+on.” Safu's eyes welled up with tears. She bit down on her lip.
She's a strong girl, Karan thought. At this young age, she's already learned how to stop her tears.
Karan reached out and embraced the girl to her bosom.
”Thank you, Safu.”
”Madam...”
”You know, I always thought I was alone. I thought I had to carry this burden all by myself... but you were right there with me. You had a place in your heart for s.h.i.+on too― thank you.”
”I... I love him,” Safu said, her voice trembling. ”From the bottom of my heart, I've always, always, loved only him.”
”Mmhmm,” Karan murmured in a.s.sent.
”I don't want to lose him. I want to be by his side.”
”I know.” She stroked Safu's back.
In the distant past, I'd said the same thing once. I'd met a man I cared about more than anyone else, and I never wanted to lose him. I wished I could be by his side forever.
But they had separated. The only thing he left in her hands was her newborn baby. 's.h.i.+on' was a name that the man had given to his son. It was his last and only gift to her.
”Women can go on living without a man, you know.”
It had come out as a whisper. Perhaps Safu had not heard, for she raised her face and blinked at her as if in question. As she blinked, a single tear spilled over and rolled down her smooth cheek.
”Safu, can I ask you to believe in him?”
”Huh?”
”Believe in him. He'll come home one day. Somehow, I just know he will. He's not as weak as he looks.”
”I know that, very well.”
”So please, wait for him,” Karan implored. ”Take some time to see how the situation unfolds. I don't think it would be good for us to act rashly.”
Safu's shoulders raised and dropped as she took a deep breath.
”Madam, can I ask you one more thing?”
”Sure.”
”Who's by his side right now?”
It was an unexpected question. Someone who was with s.h.i.+on― unseen, but by his side nonetheless. Who was it?
”Is it Nezumi, I wonder?”
”Nezumi?”
”Yes, Nezumi. That's the only person I can imagine.”
”I wonder if he's a very important person to s.h.i.+on?” Safu asked.
”I think so. Maybe even as much as you and I are to him.”
Safu smiled, and announced that she was going to go home.
”Wait, Safu,” Karan said urgently. ”Promise me you won't do anything rash. You'll wait until he comes home, won't you? Right?”
The girl's smile didn't fade. But the light in her eyes was defiant, and harboured a clear intention.
”I don't like to wait.”
”Safu...”
”I've always been like this. I can't just sit still and do nothing while I wait. This morning, I went to do all the paperwork to get my exchange cancelled. I'm free now. So I'm going to go. I'm going to get to where s.h.i.+on is, no matter what it takes.”
Karan shook her head. She felt like no matter what she said, it would be of no use now. But she had to stop Safu. She couldn't let her make the foolish choice to walk right into the spider's web.
”Safu, I may be s.h.i.+on's mother, but I don't know every single thing about him. There are probably more things I don't know. But― but you see, I know that surely he wouldn't want you to put yourself in danger just to see him. If something happened to you because of that, then he would suffer for his whole life. This much, I know for sure. So please...”
Safu raised her chin. She pursed her lips firmly.
”This has nothing to do with how s.h.i.+on feels.”
”Huh?”
”I'm doing this because I want to. I'm being selfish, I know. But I can't just sit and wait for s.h.i.+on in this state. I want to see him so badly. That's why I'm going. That's all there is to it... I'm not a mother, Madam― I can't be strong like you. I can't keep waiting out of faith. I don't want to regret anything. If― if by some chance, he ends up never coming back... I'm going to be the one to suffer for my whole life. I don't want that. I don't want to lose him.”
”But Safu...” Karan said the same words again softly, in her heart.
But Safu, you know, women can go on living without a man. It'll be painful, and it might feel like your limb has been torn away, but you'll still be able to live on carrying that wound. Even with that burden, one day you'll be able to laugh again. That's why― please, don't put your life on the line for any man. Please, live for your own sake.
How could she respond to this girl's stubborn and fiercely devoted feelings? How could she convince her? Karan awkwardly but desperately struggled to find the right words. But already, Safu was turning her body away from her.
”Madam, I'm glad I was able to see you. Good-bye.”
No, Safu― never say words of farewell like that.
”Next time, come by before noon,” Karan called out. She willed her words to reach the back of the figure clad in grey.
”Before noon?”
”Yes. I bake bread from early morning right up to before noon. Earlier in the morning, I bake mostly rolls and loaves, but closer to noon I bake sweet breads and cakes. I'm going to bake three kinds of m.u.f.fins. Do come and have a bite. I have delicious black tea to go with it, too.”
There was a moment of silence between the two.
”I know,” Karan continued, ”Safu, if you're willing, would you be able to help me with this shop? I'll teach you how to bake bread. I've been very lonely all this time. If you would come and work here, I would be so happy.”
She knew she was being foolish. But what else could I have said? How else could I distract her heart from s.h.i.+on? How can I protect her from danger?
”Thank you, Madam. I love m.u.f.fins. I'll look forward to the day I can taste them.”
The girl once more said her words of farewell, and stepped out into the nighttime streets. Karan silently watched her back disappear. Her arms and legs felt heavy. One sigh after another escaped her lips.
Why were girlhood loves so fluttering, anxious, and blindly devoted? Girls at this age couldn't even wait patiently with faith. Their feelings were so turbulent, so pa.s.sionate with longing, and so painful.
I'd completely forgotten how it was to feel like that.
Karan sighed again.
It was after she had locked up and was about to turn off the lights that Karan noticed the baby-pink scarf. The forgotten scarf. She could almost feel Safu's agitation.
Yes, Safu was still wavering in her decision. If she had even a little bit of uncertainty, she may be able to stop her from going. It might not be too late after all.
Karan clutched the scarf in both hands, and opened the door of her shop.
She was about to exit the alleyway into the main street when she realized she had forgotten her scarf. It was a piece that was hand-knitted by her grandmother.
Right now, hand-knitted scarves and sweaters had come back into fas.h.i.+on because many people found the woolly texture pleasing on the skin. But back when Safu had been small, no one wore scarves in No. 6. Most people wore undergarments made of special fibre under their clothes, and all parts that touched the skin were kept at a level temperature. People didn't need to wear scarves, nor even a thin sweater or gloves.
Safu's grandmother knitted as a hobby, and she was always knitting sweaters and scarves for her granddaughter. Safu was often laughed at by cla.s.smates for them. Even though they were in the same Elite curriculum, the kids would find any small difference and mock or put others down because of it. The hand-knitted scarves and sweaters she wore became a target of ridicule.
”Wow, is that an artifact from the last century?”
”I've only seen that in a museum before.”
No one understood what consideration for others was, or anything about people's souls, or people's dignity. It was because they had never learned about it. Everyone thought they were the chosen ones. The chosen ones were permitted to do anything. People belonged to cla.s.ses: the chosen ones, and those who were not. Apart from an enormous amount of theoretical knowledge, in the cla.s.srooms which were outfitted with state-of-the-art equipment, that was all they had learned.
But s.h.i.+on was different. He knew to treat others with as much respect as he treated himself. He put himself neither above nor below others. He was an oddity. That was how Safu had felt about him.
This person is different from the others.
She didn't remember when anymore, but he had once complimented a black sweater that Safu was wearing. The sweater had had a reddish-pink trim across the chest and around the mouth of the sleeves.
”It looks really nice on you.”