Vol 2 Chapter 4.1 (1/2)
[Novel] NO. 6 - Vol 2 Ch 4 (a)
These are English translations for the novel NO. 6 by Asano Atsuko.
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CHAPTER 4
The Angel of the Netherworld
I love him, love him. He's a millstone round my neck - he'll take me to the bottom with him. But I love this millstone of mine - I can't live without it.
-Chekhov ”The Cherry Orchard” Act III[1]
The girl came just as Karan was about to close the blinds of the store.
”Ma'am, are there any m.u.f.fins left?” She was an adorable child with a round face, probably not yet ten.
”We're all out of cheese, but if you like raisin m.u.f.fins, we've got one of those left.”
”I'll have it, please.”
”Alright, Lili. Just a second.” Karan picked the leftover m.u.f.fin off the tray, and put it in a bag with two doughnuts.
”The doughnuts are a little something extra.”
”Thank you, Ma'am.” Lili dropped a few copper coins into Karan's hand. She had probably held them tightly in her hand her whole way here, for although no blood coursed through the coins, they held the warmth of a human body.
Lili peeked inside the bag, and her face glowed as she observed aloud that there were two whole doughnuts inside.
”You're one of my regular customers after all, Lili. Next time, I'll bake some extra cheese m.u.f.fins for you.”
”Ma'am, you won't quit running this store, will you?” Lili raised her face from the bag, and questioned Karan with a sombre expression.
”I would never. Why would you think so?”
”Mama said that you might close your store. But I'm glad you're not.” A relieved grin spread across her round face. Karan squatted down and wrapped her arms around the girl's small frame.
”Thank you for worrying about me, Lili.”
Her soft body, her warm presence― she was so small, yet she provided Karan with definite encouragement.
”Mama and Papa were both worried,” Lili said. ”They were saying, 'what if we can't eat the bread or cakes from your bakery again?'. Because you know, the cake shop in front of the station is bad-tasting, and expensive, and mean,” she said huffily.
”Are they?”
”Yeah. Because the other day, there was a huge white cake on display, and it was like a toy castle. And me and Ei― oh, do you know who Ei is?”
”No, I don't.”
”He's my friend. He's really good at blowing bubbles. So Ei and me were looking at it together, because it was so pretty.”
”So you two were looking into the shop window?”
”Yeah. And the old man in the store started yelling at us. He said, don't touch the gla.s.s with your dirty hands. We were just looking. We weren't even touching the gla.s.s,” Lili said indignantly.
”That's awful.”
”So Ei yelled at him back, and said 'you stupid stingy old man!' and so I yelled at him too, and said 'you stupid bald old man!'. And then we both ran away.”
Karan found herself bursting into laughter. It had been a while since she had laughed out loud. She kissed Lili on the cheek.
”I can't make anything as big as a castle, but for your birthday, Lili, I'll bake a nice, all-white cake for you.”
”Really?”
”Really. Make sure you share with Ei, too.”
”Thank you, Ma'am,” said Lili happily. ”I like cherry cake.”
Cherry cake― s.h.i.+on had liked it too.
Lili waved her hand, and walked out of the store. Karan watched her retreating back until it melted into the dusk, then lowered the blinds. She sank into a chair.
After s.h.i.+on had left her, she found it hard to bear when evening set in each day. Evening trapped her in the deep disappointment that another day had pa.s.sed without s.h.i.+on coming home. The feeling turned into heavy exhaustion that made it feel troublesome to lift a single finger.
”s.h.i.+on...”
At times a murmur, at times unvoiced; at times as if in conversation, at times coming close to screaming― she wondered how many times she called her son's name each day.
When she heard that the Security Bureau had taken s.h.i.+on into custody on charges of civil disturbance and murder, she thought she would go insane.
”Please be aware that you will likely never meet with the suspect again.”
The night that she had been given the news by a Security Bureau official, Karan had a premonition that her son would die. She knew more certainly than anyone that s.h.i.+on would never take part in a murder. But a mother's desperate feelings would never get across to the Bureau― she knew that well too. In No. 6, where the crime rate was almost zero percent, there was no judicial system. Merely being arrested and taken into custody by the Security Bureau confirmed the suspect's guilty status. Pleading guilty or not guilty was not allowed, nor was raising a formal objection.
He has already been impounded into the Correctional Facility. Soon, as a first-cla.s.s VC he will be sentenced for life; or under special law, be sentenced to death penalty. The Security Bureau official's words were neither exaggerated nor twisted in any way― they were the bare truth. They had always been. The next time this uniform would appear at her door would be after the sentence had been handed down to her son. At this moment, Karan experienced for herself what despair physically felt like. All sounds disappeared from around her, and all colours faded. She couldn't smell or feel anything. Darkness was the only thing she could see before her. It was an inky-black darkness that would never see the light of dawn. Was this bottomlessness what people called despair―?
I've lost everything.
Suddenly, a certain man's face crossed her mind. If I beg him for help, could something be done? But the crack of light that had shone into her heart soon flickered and vanished. No― there's no time. She didn't even know where that man was right now. She had no time to search him out and beg for her son's life.
Suddenly overcome with nausea, Karan vomited all the contents of her stomach. She broke out into a sweat. She half-crawled to the storage room, and collapsed on s.h.i.+on's bed. Most of s.h.i.+on's belongings had been confiscated as evidence by the Security Bureau. I can just die too, in a corner of this storage room. I'll close my eyes, and follow after him.
Rather than live this brutal life, I can choose the peace of death that'll come after short suffering. I'm not strong enough to go on living alone in this darkness.
”Cheep-cheep!”
She thought she heard something squeak at her ear as she lay there. It was probably just her imagination. It might not be my imagination. But it doesn't matter, I'm already....
Something bit her earlobe. A dull pain raced through it. She lifted her upper body. A small mouse scurried away into a corner of the storage room.
―What was a mouse doing here?
She swallowed. She touched her earlobe. A little blood came off on her finger. Lost Town may be in the older parts of town, but it was still rare for animals, excluding pets, to be running around. Even more so for mice―
”Nezumi.” Her heart thumped loudly.
Nezumi. Hadn't s.h.i.+on murmured that word more than once? While he was drinking cocoa; while he gazed at the trees swaying in the wind; while he looked up at the evening sky, he had murmured that word. Ever since that day, when they had been evicted from Chronos and moved to Lost Town because of that incident― it was the day that s.h.i.+on had undergone an investigation and received a stern warning for guarding a VC, regarded as a violent criminal in No. 6. Concealing and aiding in the escape of a VC normally cla.s.sified as a serious crime, but with regards to his young age of twelve and his emotional state, he had been let off with only the removal of his special privileges.
Karan, for some reason, didn't feel much of an attachment to Chronos, nor did she find her life in Lost Town harsh. Though others may have reprimanded s.h.i.+on's actions for lacking common sense, she was able to believe that there was something in s.h.i.+on's feelings and beliefs that lead him to do what he did. Although the city gave him preferred treatment as a gifted child because of his level of intellect, perhaps she had begun to realize somewhere inside that her son would take emotion over knowledge, and take a future that he could grasp of his own free will over a future that was already promised to him. That was why she chose not to question him much about that incident. But she had asked him once about Nezumi.
”So what's this Nezumi? Who is he?”
”Huh?”
”It's someone's name, isn't it?” She had thought so because of the tender way her son said the word. Nostalgically, lovingly, at times strained― it even carried a tone of longing. He would definitely not use that tone of voice to call a regular mouse or rat.
”Did you get your heart broken by that person?”
”Never. What're you saying, Mom?”
”Well, it sounded like that.”
”No, it's not like that. You've got it all wrong.”
It was then that s.h.i.+on would become unusually agitated, blush crimson, and do things like drop his spoon. Yes, she remembered it now. Nezumi...
She stood up. Her heartbeat returned to normal, and her body felt lighter. Hope― though she didn't know why― flickered inside her. She could breathe, and the willpower to move on revived within her again.
A small mouse was curled up next to a box of flour. It made eye contact with Karan, and swung its face around in a wide circle. It spat a capsule out of its mouth. Then it disappeared into the back of the storage room. There was a memo inside the capsule.
The light that flickered in her became a roaring flame. She pressed a hand firmly to her mouth. She felt if she didn't, she would cry out in joy.
He's alive. My child is alive. I'll be able to see him again.
Karan breathed in, and furtively looked about her.
If the memo was true, and s.h.i.+on had escaped alive to the West Block, then this house was probably under heavy surveillance by the Bureau. Pinhole cameras. Audio tapping. Wireless signal tapping. She would not be able to act recklessly.
She moved further into the storage room. Beside a crate of jam, she scribbled on a piece of wrapping paper. The word 'West Block' brought to mind a hazy figure. What was his name again? He worked for the Latch Bill... he was a good person. She remembered that much. Perhaps he would― but―
She had an endless amount of things she wanted to tell s.h.i.+on.
s.h.i.+on, stay alive. No matter what you do, stay alive. Your mother is fine. As long as you're alive, I'll be fine. So please, don't die.
But there was no use in spilling her heart out now.
”Cheep cheep!”
The small mouse appeared at her feet. It twitched its whiskers as if to urge her on. She couldn't stay in one spot like this for long― especially because she didn't know where the surveillance cameras would be located. She scribbled hastily, rolled the paper up, and tossed it on the floor. In an instant, the small mouse picked it up in its mouth and disappeared.
If I follow it, will it lead me to s.h.i.+on?
It was a fleeting thought. She waved it away, and took a step forward.
I'll wait here, until my child comes back to me. I'll stay here, and I'll wait. It's an easy thing to do. He's alive, and he's in the West Block. If he's alive, I can wait. Hope hasn't been cut off from me. I haven't lost yet.
I haven't lost? Who am I fighting with, anyway?
Karan smiled slightly to herself, lifted her face, and strode out of the storage room.
It had been almost a month since then. Just once, a small mouse appeared. It was brown, which meant that s.h.i.+on was still safe. She felt relieved, but at the same time, distressed. Next time, a black mouse might appear. There was nothing ensuring s.h.i.+on's safety.
She wanted to see him again. Lately, she had been having frequent dreams. In them, s.h.i.+on was still young, and she would became afraid if they weren't clasping hands with each other. I won't let this hand go. But no matter how strongly she thought so, the little boy's hand would always slip from hers as he began running ahead of her.
”s.h.i.+on, wait.”
Don't go there. It's dangerous over there, there's a horrible danger―
”s.h.i.+on!”
She would awake to her own scream. These sort of mornings had been continuing for some time. She had often moaned with dizziness, shortness of breath and headaches. But she still continued to bake, and continued to open her store for people like Lili.
Even after news of s.h.i.+on's arrest and imprisonment had been broadcasted, the att.i.tudes of the people around her hadn't changed.
The factory worker who always stopped by on his way to work to buy raisin bread and a sandwich for lunch― the college student who came once a week to buy a walnut cake― the housewife who came every morning to buy a freshly-baked loaf of bread― all rejoiced that Karan was still continuing her business.
”Whenever I eat your cakes, Madam, it fills me with a happy feeling. I don't know why, but it just makes me feel happy.”
”Not being able to eat your raisin bread'll take all the fun outta my day. It's one of the things I look forward to, so don't ya take it away from me, Karan-san.”
”You're a baker, aren't you? It's your job to bake, no matter what happens. We're all waiting, you know. Every morning, we all wait for the aroma of baking bread to waft into the streets.”
These, and so many other countless words had supported her. Although they were still far from strong, the words of others made her soul hold ground as it threatened to collapse from the distress of not being able to confirm her son's well-being.
She had borrowed their shoulders to stand, clench her teeth, and continue to bake bread and cakes.