Part 13 (1/2)

[CULCHARD, _on reflection, adopts this suggestion, and the_ ITALIAN GENTLEMAN, _after fluttering feebly about the coupe door, is unceremoniously bundled by the_ CONDUCTOR _into the hinder part of the diligence._

IN THE BERNARDINO Pa.s.s, DURING THE ASCENT.

CULCH. Glorious view one gets at each fresh turn of the road, Podbury!

Look at Hinter-rhein, far down below there, like a toy village, and that vast desolate valley, with the grey river rus.h.i.+ng through it, and the green glacier at the end, and these awful snow-covered peaks all round--_look_, man!

[Ill.u.s.tration: AN ELDERLY ENGLISHWOMAN IS SITTING ON HER TRUNK.]

PODB. I'm looking, old chap. It's all there, right enough!

CULCH. (_vexed_). It doesn't seem to be making any particular impression on you, I must say!

PODB. It's making me deuced peckish, I know that--how about lunch, eh!

CULCH. (_pained_). We are going through scenery like this, and all you think of is--lunch! (PODBURY _opens a basket.)_ You may give me one of those sandwiches. What made you get _veal_? and the bread's all crust, too! Thanks, I'll take some claret.... (_They lunch; the vehicle meanwhile toils up to the head of the Pa.s.s._) Dear me, we're at the top already! These rocks shut out the valley altogether--much colder at this height, eh? Don't you find this keen air most exhilarating?

PODB. (_s.h.i.+vering_). Oh very, do you mind putting your window up?

Thanks. You seem uncommon chirpy to-day. Beginning to get _over_ it, eh?

CULCH. We shan't get over it for some hours yet.

PODB. I didn't mean the Pa.s.s, I meant--(_hesitating_)--well, your little affair with Miss Prendergast, you know.

CULCH. My little affair? Get over? (_He suddenly understands._) Oh, ah, to be sure. Yes, thank you, my dear fellow, it is not making me _particularly_ unhappy. [_He goes into a fit of silent laughter._

PODB. Glad to hear it. (_To himself._) 'Jove, if he only knew what _I_ know! [_He chuckles._

CULCH. _You_ don't appear to be exactly heartbroken?

PODB. I? why _should_ I be--about _what_?

CULCH. (_with an affectation of reserve_). Exactly, I was forgetting.

(_To himself._) It's really rather humorous. (_He laughs again._) Ha, we're beginning to go down now. Hey for Italy--la bella Italia! (_The diligence takes the first curve._) Good Heavens, what a turn! We're going at rather a sharp pace for downhill, eh? I suppose these Swiss drivers know what they're about, though.

PODB. Oh, yes, generally--when they're not drunk. I can only see this fellow's boots--but they look to me a trifle squiffy.

CULCH. (_inspecting them, anxiously)_. He does seem to drive very recklessly. _Look_ at those leaders--heading right for the precipice....

Ah, just saved it! How we do lurch in swinging round!

PODB. Topheavy--I expect, too much luggage on board--have another sandwich?

CULCH. Not for me, thanks. I say, I wonder if it's safe, having no parapet, only these stone posts, eh?

PODB. Safe enough--unless the wheel catches one--it was as near as a toucher just then--aren't you going to smoke? No? _I_ am. By the way, what were you so amused about just now, eh?

CULCH. _Was_ I amused? (_The vehicle gives another tremendous lurch._) Really, this is _too_ horrible!