Part 18 (2/2)

Lili threw herself against the door, panting with the exaltation of mingled fear and pleasure at hurting Laura. ”Remember Nix? Remember that nice little dog you hated so much? Oh, you hated him all right. Beebo didn't have to tell me, I saw it with my own eyes. Everybody did. You did everything but kick him. And I wouldn't be surprised if you did even that when n.o.body was looking. Well, what happened to poor Nix?”

”You know d.a.m.n well!” Laura flashed, feeling trapped and desperate. ”You know as well as I do. Let me out of here, Lili!”

”He died, didn't he? Rather messily. Let's say, horribly. Such a nice little dog. You know how he died, Laura?”

”If you're trying to say I did it”

”Beebo killed him. Sliced him in half with that big chef's knife you had in the kitchen table drawer.”

For a horrified second, Laura was silent, paralyzed. She almost fainted. She actually staggered backwards and lost her balance. Lili grabbed her to break the fall and left her lying on the floor, her face buried in the plush carpet, sobbing, wailing with shock and horror. Even Lili, finally, was worried about her. She tried to snap her out of it with sarcasm.

”You could have shown a little concern when it happened,” she said, ”instead of saving it all for now. It's a little late now. Those are crocodile tears, Laura.” But they weren't, and Lili couldn't get much conviction into her voice. She bent over Laura and said, ”Stop it! Really, Laura! Don't make a scene. Oh!” she exclaimed in exasperation and alarm. ”And she accuses me of theatrics!” she cried to the railing, her hands to her temples.

After a long while Laura rolled over, her breath tumbling uncontrollably in and out of her, her face blotched and stricken.

”It isn't true, is it?” she whispered. ”You just wanted to hurt me. Lili?”

Lili, sitting on the edge of her velvet couch, with her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hands, said, ”It's true.” She gazed at Laura and there was no pose, no elegance in her. It wasn't worth the effort now. Laura was beyond noticing or caring. With her face relaxed, the lines of thirty-seven years showed around Lili's mouth and eyes. She was wondering if the startling effect her words had had was worth it.

Laura looked sick. What a bother to have to call a doctor! She shouldn't have told her. She had had a good time roasting her. She should have let her go. But there was Laura, her bosom heaving, her face a strange color, her eyes enormous. Odd, I never noticed how big they are, Lili thought idly.

”Did anyone ... really ... beat her up?” Laura said, her breath betraying her and making her gasp. ”Or did she make up the hoodlums, toolike Nix?” And she covered her face to cry while Lili answered her.

”She did that to herself. After she killed Nix. I don't know why she did it. I hate to admit it, but I guess she did it out of frustrated love. I tried to make her explain it when she told me about itand believe me, she wouldn't have if she hadn't been friedand she just said, 'Laura hated him. I thought she might stay with me longer if he was gone.' After she did it she beat herself. I don't know how. I don't know with what. She didn't say. Maybe she just whacked at herself with her fists. Maybe she used something heavy. Anyway, she did it while she was hysterical. At least, that's what I think. I don't see how she could have hurt herself that much if she hadn't been half crazy. She was mourning for Nix and she was afraid of losing you.”

Lili stopped talking, and Laura realized dimly that there had been no cutting edge in her voice for the past few minutes.

After a little while of silence Laura got up dizzily from the floor and dried her eyes. Her face had gone very white and she sat down for a minute in a chair.

”Did you ever love her?” Lili asked. ”Really?”

Laura turned to look at her, and her eyes seemed remark” ably deep and different, as if she had seen something for the first time. She didn't seem to have heard Lili.

”Did you ever love her, Laura?” Lili asked again.

”Not until now,” Laura said, and Lili stared at her.

When Laura got home, all she wanted was to go in the bedroom, turn out all the lights, and crawl half dressed into her bed. And try to make sense of her awful knowledge, try to live with it. She couldn't think of Beebo without pain.

Jack followed her into the bedroom where she sprawled on the bed sobbing. He went to her and said worriedly, ”Jesus, honey. Tell me about it.” He sat down beside her, his hands on her shoulders trying to ease her. ”Did the stock market crash?”

She wept on as if he weren't there.

”You got a bad pickle in your hamburger?”

No response.

”Your girdle split?”

She rolled over and looked at him with mournful eyes. ”Jack, this is no time to be stupid.”

”I can't say anything very bright till you tell me what's the matter,” he said.

Laura blew her nose hard. He made her feel ludicrous and she resented it. ”Beebo,” she said finally. ”Beebo. Oh, Jack.” She looked at him with red eyes. ”She must have killed your little dog. The one you gave her after Nix died.”

”Must have?”

”She killed Nix. n.o.body beat her up. She did it to herself.”

They stared at each other, Jack beginning to share her feelings.

He heaped his scorn on Beebo. ”d.a.m.n!” he said. ”d.a.m.n silly hysterical female. I thought Beebo had more sense than most women.”

”Just because she's not like most women?” Laura cried. ”Jack, you make me furious! The more mannish a woman is, the more sense you think she's got! G.o.d! Beebo's sick! She's sick or she wouldn't have done it. When I think what she must have gone through, Ioh...” And she wept again, silently and hard. ”She's no d.a.m.n silly female. You d.a.m.n silly man!”

”What is she, then?” he asked, smiling a little.

Laura turned back to the bed and muttered, ”I don't know. She's mixed up and unhappy and maybe she's still in love with me. She's miserable because of me, anyway. I know that much.”

”Isn't that touching,” Jack commented acidly. ”You have a desirable woman walloping herself and bisecting daschunds out of love for you. It must do wonders for your ego.”

Laura didn't even answer. She just flew at him, nails first, and took a wild swipe at his face. She missed; Jack was fast, and prepared. But she struggled desperately with him with her knees, her elbows, teeth and nails, until she was exhausted. She didn't last long. Lili had taken the fight out of her.

He laid her back down on the bed when she was gulping for air and went to get her some coffee.

”Now, tell me where you learned about Beebo,” he said when he returned.

After a long, reluctant pause she answered him. Her basic trust in him persuaded her, but she promised herself that if he got sarcastic again she would stop speaking to him. Permanently.

”I saw Lili this afternoon,” she whispered.

He gave a snort. ”For old times' sake?” he asked.

”To ask about Beebo,” she said haughtily.

”And she told you that romantic little tale? About carving up Nix?”

”Yes.”

”And you believed her?”

”Yes. She wasn't kidding.”

”Oh, she never does,” he said with false agreement.

Laura flipped over to face him, her face red, but he interrupted her before she could get a word out. ”Okay, she told the truth, we'll say.” He moved her coffee gently toward her as he spoke. ”And if she did it's pretty awful and it's pretty sad. And I wish like h.e.l.l that it hadn't happened to Beebo, because she's a d.a.m.n nice kid and I always liked her. I'm sorry about it, Laura”

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