Part 11 (2/2)
”Why did you do it?” Laura asked.
”I had to! I had to! I wanted to hurt youlast nightyou made me feel” and her speech was clipped again and careful”you made me want you so much, Laura. And I hate it! I hate it!”She was almost shrieking.
”Why?” Laura asked.
”Because I'm not really a Lesbian. Not like you. It's men I love, Laura. Really,” she added desperately.
And Laura felt compa.s.sion for her. ”You're sick, Tris,” she said, but she said it kindly.
”Sick?” And Tris went a strange ashy color that scared Laura. ”How do you mean?”
Laura realized then that she couldn't destroy Iris's illusion without destroying Tris. She raised herself to one elbow and brushed away the tears on Tris's cheek. ”Let's put it this way,” she said. ”If you feel like this about me, we shouldn't be together any more. In two weeks we'd drive each other wild. I know you feel terrible about last night, Tris, I can see it. I know I can't forget you, or forgive what you did. If we were living together, I'd want you and you'd hate me for it. And pretty soon I'd hate you too, for denying me.”
”I won't deny you, Laura,” Tris whispered, without looking at her. ”I promise you. If you'd just let me do it my way. Don't let it be like last night. When I feel as if I'm losing control, it's as if I were drowning, as if I were losing my sanity along with my will. It's as ifif I let it happenII'll lose my mind.” She spoke so painfully, with such evident anxiety, that Laura was touched.
”Poor Tris,” she murmured, and smoothed her hair. ”I thought I'd be pulling your hair out this morning, not playing with it,” she said, running her long fingers over the sleek black braid.
”Come with me,” Tris pleaded. ”Let me make it up to you.”
”Where are you going? Fire Island?”
”G.o.d, no!” Tris flared. ”That place! It's crawling with queers. I wouldn't go near it.”
'Tris...” Laura said, a little hesitantly. Her ear did not betray her. Tris's accent fluctuated strangely and roused her curiosity. She asked cautiously, ”What part of India do you come from?”
”Why do you ask?” And Tris's eyes narrowed.
Laura lifted her shoulders casually. ”You never told me.”
”I said New Delhi”
”Oh, yes.”
”Besides, it has nothing to do with the vacation. I'm going to a place on Long Island. Stone Harbor. It's not far from Montauk, on the north side. I have a cottage there for two weeks. It's very secluded. No one will bother us. I was there last year and it's really lovely. You'd like it, Laura, I know you would. You can swim every daywe're only two blocks from the beach and”
”Tris?” Laura stopped the almost compulsive flow of speech and startled the dancer.
”Yes?”
”Why won't you tell me about India?”
”You wouldn't be interested.”
”I'd be fascinated. Everything about you fascinates me. For instance, what are you doing in this country?”
”Dancing.”
”Where are your parents?”
”Dead.”
”How did you get here?”
”Scholars.h.i.+p.”
”Are you a citizen?”
”Laura, stop it! Why do you ask me such things? What has this to do with our vacation? I refuse to be quizzed like a criminal. We'll leave tomorrow at eight. Can you be packed by then? I've rented a car.”
”I can't even get into my own apartment,” Laura admitted. ”You fixed me up just fine.”
”Of course you can. Call the police.” Her odd green eyes flashed.
”No. Maybe Jack could get my things. I'll call him.”
”Who's Jack?”
”Jack? He's asort offiance. A permanent fiance.” She smiled slightly.
Tris snorted. ”Does he know you are gay?”
”Of course.” She would tell her no more, If Tris were going to seal her private life behind a wall of secrets, Laura could play it that way, too. ”Can I use your phone,” she asked.
”Yes. In the kitchen.” Tris followed her across the empty studio into the sunny blue and yellow kitchen and while Laura was dialing she asked, ”You will come, of course?”
”I'll tell you in a minute,” Laura said. ”...Jack?”
”Good morning, Mother.”
”Jack, I wonder if you couldif you'd mind going over to the apartment and getting my clothes. Do you think you could? I hate to ask you, but I don't dare go near her.”
”Sure,” he said. ”Did you pa.s.s your test?”
”My test? Oh.” She glanced at Tris. ”II flunked,” she said and felt a tidal wave of pity and shame all at once. ”JackI'm sorry. Oh, I'm so sorry. Let me come over”
”Come get your clothes at five,” he said. ”I'll leave the door open.” And he hung up.
Laura surprised Tris by dropping into a chair and sobbing. Tris sat down opposite her and waited in silence till she caught her breath, expecting an explanation. But Laura only dried her eyes and asked for some coffee.
Jack wasn't home when she went to pick up her clothes. She had known he wouldn't be there, and still it made her want to weep. She was in a blue mood, and even the sight of Tris, waiting for her outside at the wheel of a rented convertible, didn't cheer her up. She made several trips with the clothes, leaving most of her other possessions behind, and on the last trip she wrote him a note. It said, in part: You're the only man I would ever marry, Jack. Maybe it will still work out. Tris wants me to spend two weeks with her on Long Island. I'll call you the minute I get back. I'm crazy about her, but she's a sick girl and I've had enough of wild scenes with sick lovers. I don't know what to expect so I am leaving most of my things here. Hope they won't be too much in the way. I quit my job, by the way. Will find something else when I get back. Thank you so much for everything, Jack darling. Hope Beebo didn't give you any trouble. Don't start drinking, I'm not worth it. I love you.
Laura.
The cabin had two bedrooms, a kitchen and a living room, and a bathroom. It was furnished a la 1935, full of sand and ants, but comfortable. The walk to the beach was short and just enough to get you pleasantly warm before you soaked in the salt water.
There were a lot of other vacationers living all around themyoung couples with dozens of hollering kids, mostly. Laura watched them romping on the sand, the little ones screaming and giggling and pouring water on each other. She wondered if she could ever want a child.
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