Chapter 59 (2/2)

Fang Hua wasn’t just a piece of wood to me. For him, I was willing to fight. I gave him a determined look. “A monarch doesn’t make jokes. You have to do as you say.”

“I wouldn’t bet on something unless I was certain. I’ll have you follow me wholeheartedly into the palace.” he smiled indifferently.

Seeing his drifting sleeves and billowing robes reminded me of floating clouds and flowing waters. His high spirits and daring against that tall, erect figure made it seem as if he was confident of success. I sat for a long time next to the tomb.

If one buries the wood in the dirt, and feeds it a mixture of crushed medicinal herbs mixed with dew touched by the first rays of the morning sun…soon enough the Fang Hua Beast would be born again. Feeding it the blood of the person he loved most would preserve his soul and recover the memories from his past life.

Fang Hua, I’ve already brought that person back.

The gentle wind, the endless gra.s.s…the low notes of the qin, the evening’s setting sun. Ten years endured by that grave with nothing but the floating scent of flowers.

—

These days, I was up before daylight started to break. I’d quietly slip into the eastern rooms to open the windows and extinguish the calming incense in the incense burner. Then I’d kneel in front of the bed to call Han Zichuan’s name. His relaxed eyebrows show that he’d slept peacefully. Little did he know, I’d long taken the time while he was asleep to fly past the bamboo and into the mountains to pluck the freshest flowers and medicinal plants back into the house.

I was happy that I still had the saving grace of being able to do something for my master, Fang Hua.

Han Zichuan might not have been in the palace, but he was used to the bad habit of being waited on. Now there was no one to clothe him, wash him, or put on his shoes, but he still put careful importance on his appearance and made sure he looked presentable before leaving the room. This usually took a few hours.

Every day around this time, I’d go to the yellow earth hill by myself, staring blankly at the skeleton nestled by the tomb. My memories would flood like the tide to submerge me in an infinite sea of sadness…

In the past, it was this corpse that allowed the dead Fang Hua to revive again, but master said he couldn’t remember their past together anymore…

At this moment, my heart was very pained. Master…if you could come back to life, would you still remember me?

Han Zichuan said that Fang Hua was already a piece of wood. The wood was so black that he must have been heavily injured by sentiment, so there was probably no chance for him to reincarnate again. But I refused to believe him…master was such a good person, so how could he just leave me behind?

Contrary to expectations, Han Zichuan was very cooperative these days. He didn’t think of escaping or alerting the palace, but spent his days staring at me while I crushed herbs, petals, and morning dew together to water the Fang Hua wood. He never tried to pluck the Fang Hua wood again, perhaps…due to his bet. I was convinced that Fang Hua cared so much about Han Zichuan in his past life that he’d rather suffer and die from his feelings than take Han Zichuan’s blood to save himself. So…Fang Hua, if you don’t want me to hurt Han Zichuan, hurry and wake up.

—

Today, there was still no change with the Fang Hua wood. I dug out the cloth from the study again and studied it word by word…but couldn’t find anything. Han Zichuan urged me not to be so anxious. The silk had written that after planting the wood in the earth, a mixture of crushed medicinal herbs mixed with dew touched by the first rays of the morning sun for a month would turn the wood as red as fire, with the disposition of jade.

Today was the 17th day, but it was still a s.h.i.+ny black that lacked the warmth from before when touched. Right now it was no different from dead wood. Despite being planted in the earth, it was still cold and lifeless.

Fang Hua, I’ve decided not to wait any longer.

The silk cloth said that after the the Fang Hua wood took human form, true love’s blood was required to nourish it. Han Zichuan has a strong body, so you don’t need to worry about his health. Since you’ve been hurt so seriously, I’m worried that you’ll forget us after you wake up…

—

Han Zichuan had lost a lot of blood these days and his complexion was ghastly. So in addition to watering Fang Hua with flower and precious medicinal plants, I spent much time boiling medicine and soup for Han Zichuan to bolster his body. Every time this happened, Han Zichuan would lean quietly by the door, looking at me with a silent smile.

Fang Hua, I’ve finally realized how troublesome it is to cook for someone. The only thing I knew how to make were sweet potatoes, but Han Zichuan can’t squat on the ground eating sweet potatoes with me anymore. His health was terrible. If he just died like this, then there wouldn’t be any blood left to save you. So I taught myself how to light the stove by blowing on the flames, even though the smoke choked me to the point of tears every time and stained my face as sooty black as my childhood days.

Fang Hua, you loved to be clean, yet you always cooked me meals in the kitchen all those years, things that you’d never eat. Was it as hard for you as it was for me when you cooked the first time?

Now that you aren’t here, I can’t help but think of you everyday.

The first soup I made was a failure…but Han Zichuan drank it quite happily. The scene reminded me of my childhood when you made me my first meal: that red braised pork I still remember today as delicious.

—

Today is the 29th day, just a day short of one month. The Fang Hua wood was still completely black, with no sign of turning red.

This morning while grinding the plants in the courtyard, I suddenly felt a wave of dizziness. It took me awhile to recover. Han Zichuan said it was because I was tiring myself out, and that he wanted Little Li to come from the palace to serve me. I know he was already making plans to return to court.

This bet, had I lost it?

A stalk of wood stood in the dirt. Don’t talk about it changing form to become the previous Fang Hua, it was hard to see if it could transform into human form at all. I tasted the flavor of disappointment while Han Zichuan stood distractedly before a locked door on the western side for a very, very long time…but really, there was nothing for him to worry about.

Right now, only a tiny wish existed to console me. I had no wild wishes for Fang Hua to keep his soul or his memories as my previous master. As long as he could take on human form, as long as he could continue to live, then I’d obediently follow Han Zichuan back to the palace like how we’d agreed.

—

Today is the 30th day.

The gra.s.s around the dirt mound had grown quite a bit, while much of the flowers had withered. But that branch of Fang Hua wood stood alone in the earth as before, still and unmoving. It was only seven cun[2] tall and hadn’t changed in size from the start.

“Shao’er, the wind’s picking up,” a low voice followed the sighing breeze from behind me.

“I know.” I said with low spirits.

Han Zichuan leaned against my shoulders, wrapping his arms around my waist. His face was extremely white, but I pretended I didn’t see. He kept me in his embrace and silently studied places where I’d slit his wrist. He didn’t move for a long while, but kept holding me in a warm hug, a sorrowful look in his eyes. Despite this, he was still smiling. His light green sleeves were already dyed red by blood as warm droplets flowed down his fingers to drip onto the Fang Hua wood.

The first hit on target, while the second and third splashed onto the ground.

Blood flowed down the Fang Hua wood to sink into the earth, absorbed by the yellow dirt. And yet the wood remained as cold and black as before with no changes. The wind kept blowing as I stubbornly stared at the wood until my vision blurred.

“Can you unseal my acupoints? I’m a little weary,” Han Zichuan’s voice was very low.

“No,” I replied coldly.

He gave a faint smile and weakly pillowed his head against me, making me bear his entire weight. The warmth of his body blocked much of the late autumn chill, but his words were a little bit lonely. “You’ve always been so callous to me.”

If I really unsealed your acupoints, I’m afraid you’ll die from excessive blood flow. If you did, there would be no one left to save Fang Hua.

“Shao’er…there’s something I should’ve told you long ago,” Han Zichuan released me and gently tugged my hand, before resting his hands on my shoulders. He lowered his head to look at me, gaze earnest and intent. “You’ve used my blood as an ingredient with the precious plants and morning dew to feed him for a month. Nothing’s happened. It’s already past the time for his rebirth, so there’s no way he can take on human form anymore.”

My body began to shake violently.

Han Zichuan withdrew his hands and tugged off my headband, using it to stop the bleeding from his wrist. He looked at me again, calling out softly. “Shao’er…” His eyes bore directly into mine. “You’re still not clear on who he really loved?”

I gave him a startled look as the feelings I’d suppressed for so long in my heart began to crumble. He kept on talking.

“You’ve never had an inkling after all these days…? My blood is completely useless to Fang Hua.”

“No, he’s been hurt too deeply and that’s why he can’t take human form. He…” I stubbornly grabbed Han Zichuan’s sleeves, wanting to say more but finding I couldn’t.

Han Zichuan heaved a sigh and gave me a pitying glance. His voice was soft. “Do you know why Fang Hua agreed to come to the palace with me to treat father’s illness? Because I used you as collateral…so he was forced to act for your safety. You really don’t know? After you left the palace, your master left as well.”

I suddenly felt unable to stand, my heart aching to the point I couldn’t breathe as my eyes grew hot.

“How is that possible?” I abruptly stood up, no energy in my voice. “When I was living with him, he didn’t even want to mention your name. If it wasn’t because you hurt him, then…”

“Because after you lost your memories, you became my wife,” Han Zichuan gave me a sad smile. Every word he spoke was like a needle stabbing wounds all over my body.

Where did I go wrong…

If this was the truth, then why did Fang Hua push me away after I regained my memories? And why did he tell me to give his body to Han Zichuan after he died? Why would a person like that love me?

And yet, the man standing before me now said Fang Hua loved me…

The joy and pain that surged through my heart was almost unbearable. The force was so alive that it threatened to tear my heart apart, paining me to the point where I couldn’t breathe. Han Zichuan looked at me and suddenly smiled, eyes cool and bright.

“Shao’er, I’ll tell you another thing. The night you can’t forget–the one where we got drunk–I fell atop of Fang Hua, but all he did was mumble ‘Shao’er…my Shao’er.’”

All of my reasoning crumbled into pieces. This was the cruelest thing I’d heard in my life. I gave a dull look to the person in front of me before using all my strength to process what he had just said. These words and sentences brought me no happiness, but only pain. Someone had loved me once, but I threw him away.

“All of this…everything…” I clenched my hands, trying to stay calm. “Why are you telling me this now?” Still, I couldn’t keep my words from trembling.

“He’s just a beast. He raised you until you grew up, taught you medical skills and martial arts, and you called him your master. I’m the one who’s going to live with you for the rest of your life. Fang Hua allowed me to look after you. He begged me to take the Fang Hua wood, hoping that I’d give you a peaceful and happy life.”

“No…you know that the one I love is Fang Hua.”

“But I love you as well. I’m just the same as you…” his voice was filled with loneliness. “For Fang Hua’s sake, you’re willing to do anything.” He raised his wrist, carelessly tracing the skin full of scars with a mild gaze. “I can do that too…and what I want is to break you two apart.”

I was grieved to a point where I had no tears. He turned away, not looking at me any longer as his words were carried on the wind.

“You can spend the time you have left with Fang Hua. After a while I’ll come back…to pick up the Fang Hua wood…”

—

One single person, one solitary wood.

The wind blew past my lonely thoughts.

Our gazes met across the distance as tears flowed from my eyes.

-o-

[1] Right Fruit (正果) －zhenguo, a cultivation status in Buddhist belief that occurs right before enlightenment.

[2] cun (寸) – unit of measurement approximating 1.4inches.