Chapter 48 (Part 1) (2/2)

If I remembered correctly, when I snuck into the kitchen the pots and bowls were all covered in dust. That state of affairs was so wretched that I didn’t have the heart to look anymore. The cold stove didn’t seem to have a fire in it before, or any signs of being used to cook things. Then…where did these dishes come from?

Was it possible that this man knew sorcery?!

“What’s wrong? Your face is so pale, do you feel unwell somewhere?” He showed such care towards me. When he raised his hand, he didn’t forget how he’d dusted me off with his sleeves, and touched the bowl again.

It gave me a chill…

“Did you cook all these personally in the kitchens?”

“Exactly so.”

I raised my head, peering at his benevolent expression, the smile like someone preparing to help the needy and deliver all creatures from torment. I thought it was very suspicious. Was this person here to give me an upset stomach with his food sorcery, or trying to poison me with secret pills?

Someone who was unaccountably solicitous usually hid evil intentions.

As a result, I circled around him to a.s.sess and appraise him anew. I wasn’t close with him and upon investigation into the past…Little Li said I’d always served close by his side. While he was in the Cold Palace, I’d stolen away the emperor and caused a bit of drama before dumping him and slipping away. No one had ever made any inquiries despite his long stay in the Cold Palace. More or less, I was probably to blame.

He ought to despise me, but now he stood before me with chopsticks and bowl in hand, seemingly at a loss. I decide to wait and see. This Lord Hua, ever since I woke up…he’d acted unnaturally odd. As for the food he’d cooked personally…should or shouldn’t I eat it?

Kindness deserved a serious investigation.

Actually, I had a personality that like gentleness and feared severity. To put it in vulgar terms, I was base and cheap. When I wasn’t hungry, or when I was hungry but afraid to eat, these two types of people had two completely different ways of dealing with me.

If it was the emperor, he’d pretend not to hear all my rejections and feed me from the bowl. The more I refused, the happier he’d be to feed me. Afterward, he’d hold me in his arms and stroke here and there until I was free from worries and only half as angry. This was akin to hitting me with an impressive stick first, then making a show of conciliation to bring things under control, very similar to how he’d wrangle control with his va.s.sals.

But the Fang Hua before me was much softer. He’d set the bowl of rice aside and sat down to look at me before walking off. Somehow he returned with a big bowl of braised meat, feeling greatly pleased as he held it towards me. When I didn’t take it, he turned back to wash the chopsticks with boiling water before silently setting everything before me.

I gave it a look. It smelled completely delicious, and was even meat…

No matter how I tried to contain myself, it was hard to fight my appet.i.te. Immediately, I went into a rapture and stopped worrying about too many things. Like a self-important elder, I rolled up my sleeves and impatiently picked up a mouthful. Before I stuffed it into my mouth, the last thread of rational thought woke me up. I raised my eyebrows and peered at him, before putting my piece in his plate.

He…

…remained leaning over from there, concentrated on looking at me.

I motioned him to eat it.

He remained as before.

I say…if he didn’t eat it, how could I dare to?

Thus, I set down the chopsticks and copied the emperor, waving my hand indifferently like telling Little Li to take the food away. This wasn’t the palace, so of course there was no Little Li. Neither could I pretend to be indifferent because I really was very hungry.

As a result, Fang Hua was stupefied.  I felt dejected. After a long while, I huddled up on the chair and hugged my legs while he stared at me and I stared at the rich, oily meat.

Purify one’s heart and reduce the desires.

Protect against desire, protect against desire…

He seemed extremely unconvinced as he glanced at me. “Not eating?”

I shook my head.

He gave a doubtful interjection before standing up wordlessly, not giving me a glance before carrying away the meat and dumping it into the bamboo forest. I could only look dully towards his back.

While I was hanging my head to fantasize about creating more red braised pork, Fang Hua turned back from the forest and carefully withdrew an oil-paper package wrapped around a savory baked sweet potato.

After handing it over, he created some distance between us, lying on a chair as he rested a chin on his arms with a smile and raised eyebrows. This expression would become one of my favorites in the future, but to a person with no memories, it was only extremely horrifying.

Thus, I carefully pinched off a piece of sweet potato and held it by his mouth. His brows pressed until they were almost touching, expression intent of fearfully avoiding the morsel. I think anyone who saw his reaction would fear whatever food he offered…

As a result, I stayed hungry for an entire day despite the sight of food.

What’s the concept of starving for an entire day? It was using a large ladle of cold well water to fill the burning pain in your stomach until it stopped hurting. Even walking felt more like floating, and the inside of the stomach sloshed with water.

Meanwhile, Fang Hua had disappeared to who-knows-where. I felt my stomach as I wobbled to the outhouse. After squatting down…I couldn’t get back up. This feeling was familiar: sore thighs, sharp pain in the stomach. My brows furrowed as I glanced down. Then my hand felt there, and great…

A handful of blood.

I stared before looking towards my trouser pocket, hey…

Who helped me put a layer of cloth there?

Horror!

There was no one else in this house but me, Fang Hua, and a lousy bird. He really had the heart of a Bodhisattva who found pleasure in helping others.

…looks like he’d seen through me.

—

I dizzily lifted my pants, head lowered as I used the door to support me and walk out. After figuring out what was the matter, my body felt a lot better. A glance around revealed no water in sight, so I could only wipe my hand on my robes before accidentally spotting a stunned Fang Hua looking at me from below a tree.

I instantly grew vigilant, body straightening like a ramrod as my legs clamped together. With these excellent guarding preparations, I finally propped my hand against the tree and played the part of a profound thinker, eyebrows knitted. “Do you need anything?”

I lifted my eyes to look. He seemed constrained and took a while before fis.h.i.+ng out a proper cloth pad from behind his back, fingers shaking as he held it in his hands. I gave a careless look and said simply, “What’s this thing?”

“I guessed that you’d need this, so I prepared it for you.”

I nodded and he happily handed it over, but I didn’t take it. Instead, I casually took his robes to wipe my hands. He shook, but endured it without avoiding me… Heaven knew what he was thinking, chances are he probably wanted to castrate me. My blood had dirtied his violet robes, yet he still looked at me with the same sincere expression as before. I gave him a frank look in return, not speaking.

The base of his ears slowly grew red as he spoke. “I made a record that it’d come today, but I didn’t expect to pick you up from my doorstep, or that you’d even return…so I didn’t have time to prepare anything.”

That’s right, my period had come.

But how would he know? Not to mention, this record of his had other miscellaneous things, he sure had free time…wait, it couldn’t have been that while I was in the palace…sweats, this previous Master of mine sure was intimate, he even took the trouble to track little things like this for his servants.

“I learned how to tie these things so they won’t fall off, I can help you.”

I pushed away his hands. “No need.”

Seeing his desolate expression, my heart felt a little strange, so I added another line. “Much thanks.”

He didn’t speak, and I walked off. I didn’t stop until I was far away, but couldn’t stop from looking behind me. A long way off, his form stood slim and graceful beneath the tree. The expression on his face…

How to say it, it was indescribable. More miserable than simple loneliness, and somewhat out of sorts.

Original and most updated translations are from volaretranslations.