Chapter 48.2 (Part 2) (1/2)

Chapter 48 (Part 2) Original and most updated translations are from volaretranslations.

I’d never seen anyone with an expression like that. For a moment I was alarmed, clutching my chest as I gently sucked in a breath. All I wanted to do was to leave him quickly, the farther the better…but the yearning gaze in his eyes was like a curse before my gaze. Though the distance between us was large, I could still faintly discern his words as they drifted towards my ears.

【 I can’t get back the life from those first days. I’ve already missed my opportunity. Why is it that even now, I’m never given a chance? 】

I stared blankly before raising my hands to cover my ears. What was the matter, was I so hungry that I was hearing things now? Flabbergasted, I looked at him. He was clearly a long way off, and his lips hadn’t even moved, but his voice had clearly sounded next to my ears, heartbroken and depressing…

The grief in my heart was followed by a numbness in my limbs that filled the air. The scene before me seemed to s.h.i.+ft, and I closed my eyes. When I opened them again, another wave of dizziness. .h.i.t me. My body couldn’t hold out and my legs gave way before me. I fell to the ground, hand trying to reach for something but finding nothing to hold onto. Haziness filled my vision as I saw his panicked yet helpless expression.

Very good, even a cold and cheerless person like him had moments of unrest within his heart, very good…

As it turned out, the feeling of hunger could cause a person to faint. Before my eyes, everything grew dark.

—

A fragrant aroma greeted me as I regained consciousness. It was already evening in the skies as I lay on the bed feeling nothing but hunger. My whole body was curled up, lightly sniffing the aromatic bedcovers. Already at my limits, I lifted up the fabric and started chewing.

The door to the room suddenly opened as Fang Hua helplessly appeared by my side, holding a bowl as he looked at me. His face carried an exhausted melancholy that had pervaded his mind and body. Looking as cold as snow, he crouched by my side as if begging, a hand extending a spoon my way.

I blanked out, a corner of the covers still in my mouth.

He seemed stunned as well, but didn’t laugh, only quietly tugged the object out of my mouth. A hand smoothed out the fabric, still damp with my saliva, the fingers slim and pretty. But nothing could smooth out the worried cramping of his brows…

“Foolish, how could you be afraid of eating the things I’ve made? Are you worried I added things inside? How could I poison you?” He picked up the spoon again and got a bit of rice. Seeing I had no response, he grew troubled. Head lowered, he gently blew across the spoon, complexion paler but still wearing a smile. “Be good…eat a little.”

I stared blankly at him.

“If you won’t eat, I can make other things,” he said in disappointment. But I grabbed him in response, hand knocking against the bowl of rice. It smelled delicious…

Atop the white rice grains lay an entire fish, its body covered in a dense and creamy sauce. The meat and blood had been cooked until tender and soft, and small bits of scallion were scattered on top.

There was clearly tasty meat here, so why did he first scoop a spoonful of rice? Also, what kind of person ate fish with a spoon? My heart had softened long before, but I still wanted to nitpick. I gave a slow push, one hand rubbing the knee of his robes as I glanced at his bowl with a soft reply. “The dishes from the imperial palace are much tastier.”

“I’m sorry…”

I hmphed through my nose, unwillingly seizing the bowl from his hands before wolfing the contents down.

He smiled.

Embarra.s.sed, I picked out a fish bone. Seeing no chopsticks in sight, I pinched a piece with my fingers and looked at him. “I can’t eat this much, do you want some?”

As a result, he did as asked and sucked on a few mouthfuls. I picked up some more, and he ate as before in silence. But those elegant brows slowly wrinkled, and that face grew deathly pale. Rising to his feet, he covered his face with his sleeves before running outdoors and throwing up.

Shocked, I turned over my stained and oily hands, not sure whether or not I should wipe them. He actually turned back and gave me a serene smile, saying weakly, “Please don’t mind me, I’m just not used to or enjoy eating such strong foods. There’s definitely no poison…urk…”

Facing this, I was speechless.

I lowered my head to study the fish. It was full of thorns and looked rather ugly, but the taste was fresh and tender…with food here, I didn’t have to drink well water anymore…it really was a joyous occasion. While I was settling into my happiness, Fang Hua was experiencing exceptional sorrow.

—

This was how the day pa.s.sed. Fang Hua didn’t ask about my name or my origins, or why I’d be in front of his house, as if I’d fallen prey to a plot. He seemed completely indifferent yet well acquainted with everything about me, taking the trouble to try hard and look after me.

This feeling was very bizarre. At morning the next day, I carried a bamboo rocking chair to the walkway and sat down with my hands behind my head, eyes closed, enjoying the wind as it rustled past bamboo leaves, carefree and relaxed.

Perhaps it was because my eyes were shut so all I could see was darkness, but my hearing was unusually sharp. There was a melody floating within this breeze…that qin sound was melodious as water-splashed jade, particularly pleasant to the ear like sounds of nature.

It was also very familiar…

Lying on the deck chair, head pillowed on my hands, I listened closely with my eyes shut for a while with my finger tapping out a rhythm…before I couldn’t resisting humming along. It seemed as if every beat and tone in this song had been carved deeply into my heart, like it used to be a part of myself.

My eyes flew open, pupils crystal clear as I went to search for the song…

Yet suddenly, I sensed someone staring at my back with rapt attention. Alarmed, I turned around. The wind kept blowing through the sea of bamboo, their leaves caught in a prolonged heave and surge. Vaguely, I could see a small pavilion within the forest. A pale violet silhouette was sitting upright, wearing long robes with wide sleeves as he played the qin.

The first rays of the morning sun shed their radiance in torrents upon the earth…his body seemed covered with a layer of golden light, fingers alit with a gentle light.

What a scene.

I lifted my robes and bent forwards to run over, pus.h.i.+ng aside the irksome bamboo to spy on him. His head was lowered as he played with single-hearted devotion, a small pot heating slowly by his side. Slow trails of light smoke, infused with the faint scent of medicine, floated up into the air. Those calm and collected features coupled with those smiling eyes to join an upturned mouth as he waved a hand.

Abruptly, the music changed. Though the melody remained the same, the key was a bit odd. My eyebrows minutely furrowed, caught in a moment of stupefaction as I gathered my robes and sleeves to stare at Fang Hua playing the qin. I took a step forward and bent over to press his hands in place.

“That’s wrong.”

He smiled at me as if he long antic.i.p.ated that I’d come, gracefully stilling his fingers before making a gesture of invitation. “Then, please grant me your instruction.”

I wasn’t polite at all, but sat down to sit next to Fang Hua, raising my eyebrows at him. Stretching out my arms, I dangled my sleeves a few times to expose my hands, bowing my head to a.s.sume a yielding manner before imposingly resting my fingers over the strings.

Eh, how do I play this?

Squinting slightly, I tried to remember.

My fingers suddenly turned nimble as they began to move. The parrot on his shoulder gave me a look full of curiosity before hurriedly leaving him for a corner, eyes whirling as he stared at me.

I pretended not to notice.

He looked at me very quietly, loose hair drifting lightly by his jacket. A few fragrant strands floated to my cheek…an indescribable aroma that was identical to the one from his body, like the scent of flowers mixed with bamboo, as well as the faint smell of medicine.

I couldn’t help but lose my concentration. Yet even though I was thinking of something else with my thoughts floating in the wind, my fingers never stopped plucking at the strings. The melody flowed out like spring water, jubilant and cheerful, but the music was laden with grief.

What was going on? There was too much I didn’t understand about the memories of this body. The more I played this song, the more I hurt…

Lowering my voice to suppress my unease, I lightly replied, “I think it should be played this way.”

“Is that so.” He smiled, eyes soft and gentle. He’d gotten very close to me…no, it should be that I’d unconsciously drew closer to him until my breaths were against his hair. My heart was pounding as I peered at him. His gaze seemed to look at me with profound meaning. I followed it to examine myself, where I’d pressed against his waist to take advantage of the qin.

Heart thumping wildly, I quickly withdrew my hands, saying in a low voice, “I’m sorry, I’ve been excessive.”

He only smiled without speaking and scooted over.

Panicked, I quickly stood up but didn’t get my bearings. My body fell backwards onto something soft as he held me and drew closer. a.s.suming the posture of plucking a string, he spoke a string of words that sounded like streaming water by my ear. “I learned this song by ear. Then, I happened to meet you by accident…I just wanted to change the heavy sorrow that used to be part of this melody.”

I looked at him, astonished and unconvinced. “Who wrote this song?”

He touched the qin, looking a bit lonely. “There was a person named Zang, styled Hua, who used to play this song every time he appeared in the jianghu. I’ve only heard it once before.”

“Your enemy?”

He looked at me and laughed, but didn’t answer. Only a fingertip hooked around a string as he raised his hand, playing with a lonely expression.

“I ask the world how many sorrows it held

A single evening brought autumn to the 8,000 year jade

Why not wander instead to distant lands

Reckless and unbridled in the jianghu

Until this life ends?

The idler drinks a flask of wine alone

Leaving behind vast sorrows and joys.”

He slowly looked at me and spoke the last two lines very quietly, almost too softly to hear.

“…youth is free, but spring is hard to find[1].”

The medicine must have finished boiling by now, because the steam had rose to rattle the cover, momentarily breaking my concentration. I stared at his face as his words pa.s.sed by my ears like wind. I wasn’t sure why, but my gaze kept drifting to the mole by the corner of his eye. Right now, my heart was aching, and I softened with the wish to reach over and…stroke it.

Was it imagination, or did the color of this teardrop mole look darker than yesterday?

Suddenly, the parrot on the side began to make a racket. “Hothothothot.”

I quickly retracted my rebellious hand, supporting my hands against the table as I looked over. Green Feathers was currently flapping and flying above the lid of the medicine pot, comical and cute. I couldn’t help but laugh, looking up to see Fang Hua’s gentle gaze before hastily avoiding his eyes. My hands randomly reached for the qin as I thought of something to say.

“Youth is free, but spring is hard to find…these lyrics are very particular.”

“Do you like the changes I made?”

I gave him a flabbergasted look, but still he smiled wordlessly, and the expression in his eyes was something I didn’t understand. For a while, neither of us spoke. It was very quiet in the pavilion.

A helpless laugh suddenly burst out from beside me. Fang Hua poured himself a cup of tea, staring at it as he drank. It was a long time before he asked, “Have you lived well these past years?”