Chapter 41 (1/2)

Chapter 41 Orginal and most updated translations are from volaretranslations.

I felt on the verge of falling apart.

None of the other rooms were to Han Zichuan’s satisfaction, so now he was using mine. I lingered for awhile in the courtyard before shrugging my shoulders, ignoring the resentful stares behind my back from his men as I headed to the main hall.

The door closed, and the air in the room turned icy.

All the residents of the household were already awaiting me inside as I gave them an embarra.s.sed smile. Little Sixth suddenly rose to his feet, blowing away the heat from cup of tea before handing it to me. He even earnestly raised his sleeve to wipe away the cold sweat that had broken out across my forehead. Yet the more he rubbed, the more my throat felt blocked up.

This is what was called a guilty conscience.

First was in a chair at the head, holding the lid of his teacup as he sat deep in thought, in no rush to try his drink. Fifth sat the furthest away on the side, slumping in his chair as he hugged the broken flute. His eyes seemed filled with icy resentment before they swept my way.

“Master, are you cold?”

“No, not cold.”

“Then is it too hot? Look at how much you’re sweating…” the Poison Prince sprawled casually over a chair, waving his garish purple sleeves. “Let’s fan our Master more, it’d be best if the wind whipped her to death.”

Did I provoke you or something? Offend you somehow?

Fourth was busy with something on the side, brus.h.i.+ng the mole by his eye with a secret smile as he narrowed his eyes to glance over. He picked up a piece of paper that had been held together with plaster and handed it to First. That paper…it was so familiar. Wasn’t it the same one that Han Zichuan tore in half?

The game was up.

First put aside his tea and swept his gaze over the painting in his hands. Second couldn’t keep still, but stuck his hands in his sleeves as he stood behind him, speaking softly. “The mole looks like Little Fourth’s, the eyes like Little Fifth’s. The figure and bearing are even more enchanting than you, the eldest, while the expression is a bit like Little Third’s. Who exactly is in this picture?”

This painting had been splashed with wine into a spotty mess, but they could still distinguish these similarities…how impressive. I kept my head lowered and continued to pretend I was deaf. First slowly lowered the paper to the table. His movements were gentle, but the entire table had started to shudder…

“Who was it that came tonight?” his voice was cool and crystal clear.

I grew a little braver as I rose to meet his eyes. “Uh…you’re the one who received the guest, you don’t know who he is?”

“Don’t get smart with me. He was looking for you, not me, and I couldn’t ask him much under the circ.u.mstances.”

Oh…so you’re asking me instead.

As soon as he glared, I grew weak and bowed my head, adjusting a corner of my robes in an unnatural fas.h.i.+on. My answer came out like a mosquito speaking. “A personal enemy.”

“How big of a grudge do you have with him? As soon as the two of you met, there was holding and hugging.” I felt a chill as his hand slammed the table, freeing a layer of dust. A small section of the wood chipped and fell off. “You never told me your personal enemy was the current reigning emperor.” He was so angry, his whole body was trembling.

“Well, you never asked. Not to mention, this isn’t something all that great,” I shrugged my shoulders, picking up the fallen piece of wood and blowing on it a few times before pressing it back onto the table. From a distance it almost looked…as whole as it was before. “You should know life will be harder now under the emperor’s eye. Economize where you can, and don’t break things as you please when you’re in a temper.”

He glared at me again.

I smiled. “Of course, if you want to go back on your promise now and scatter, you can still divide up the goods in this house. None of you will be shortchanged.”

The young Fourth Prince actually snorted, his mole attractive as ever. “The things in this house were all bought by First or myself. How could we let you take charge of handing them out?”

“Like h.e.l.l we’ll split the goods,” the Poison Prince was unusually composed. He had held himself back before bursting out now.” An esteemed guy like me isn’t lacking for anything.”

“We’ve all been saying, we’ll go wherever you go.” Second stood before me, deftly clutching my sleeve to grasp my hand beneath the cloth. My heart softened.

First stood up, waving his sleeves as he issued some orders. “Little Second, Little Third. Guard the front and back doors and don’t let a certain person escape tonight.” He held his hands behind his back and leisurely strolled off, not even sparing me a glance.

“And also…” I spoke up again, even though my next words would ruin the atmosphere. There was no other way around it, though, I couldn’t figure it out myself. My voice lowered as I muttered, “Where do I sleep tonight?”

“Any one of you that dares to shelter and serve Master tonight will be dealt with family law[1],” First spoke in spite of his gloominess, before stepping out the door. Under the flickering lamplight, I watched him leave in a daze. By one side, Little Sixth tugged on my clothes until I regained my senses and smiled. Though he couldn’t speak, I could tell he was alarmed and very uneasy.

I reached out to caress his hair. “I’m not going anywhere. It’s all right…don’t worry about me.”

Since the emperor had caught me, there was nowhere to run. Five years of living in the jianghu had been rather lonely. Whenever I saw someone who resembled him, I would have an urge to bring him with me. Year after year, this went on until I took in more and more people. Han Zichuan wasn’t wrong. From the very beginning, I had no way to forget that person…

Being able to raise the young Princes by my side meant I could look at them everyday, and pretend I was back in my happy life at the house. Beautiful days would pa.s.s by my eyes as if Fang Hua was still by my side, looking after me, living a peaceful and comfortable life.

In this way, I convinced myself that I was living well, even if I was alone.

—

Too many things had happened tonight for me to go back to bed. Besides…there was no place for me to sleep. Every single one of them had cut me off, not even leaving me with spare covers as they walked off, yawning. The last one even shut the doors of the main hall behind me.

I sat on the stone steps to the hall for a long time, but couldn’t decide where to go. Technically, we had guest rooms in the residence, but they were only guest rooms in name. n.o.body had disturbed me for years, so those few worn-out rooms had never been tidied up. The floorboards were all rotten, and we didn’t even have bedsheets. I couldn’t exactly go to sleep hugging a bundle of dry gra.s.s for warmth, that felt a bit too pathetic.

I rested a chin in my hands and knitted my eyebrows, thinking over First’s parting words. What did he say? Something about…‘any one of you that dares to shelter and serve Master tonight will be dealt with family law’?

Hey!

I slapped my thigh. ‘Any one of you’ didn’t include himself. Like I said, his words were sharp as knives but he had a heart like tofu, so he definitely couldn’t bear to see me freeze. Visibly pleased, I groped past the doors in the darkness until I saw the only point of light coming from his chambers. Looks like he really wanted me to keep him company…why not tell me earlier?

I quietly pushed open the door. By the pale yellow lamplight, a person sat at his table, robes draped over his shoulders. He seemed to be studying something. That figure and the slope of his shoulders…I stood by the threshold, a little stunned.

He didn’t look back, but only said softly, “You were finally willing to come back…”

Hearing his voice, and the desolation in his tone, my mind seemed to burst inside, the events of the past and present mixing together. My eyes grew hot, and I rubbed them with my sleeves, walking over to embrace him. Tears poured from my eyes as I buried my face between his shoulders.

“Master?” First trembled as if frightened. It was his first time speaking so respectfully, as if he was at a loss.

Yifu…

“Call me Shao’er.”

He fell silent and stiffened, a bronze mirror reflecting a tender, indescribably sorrowful expression on his face. The loneliness emanating from his being was so much of the same, sinking into my bones and marrow. Yifu, I miss you very much. Why can’t I forget you even after all these years?

His voice was steady as he spoke, word for word: “Shao’er.”

My heart shook, and my arms held him with considerable strength. His warmth was unfamiliar and he lacked that nostalgic scent, but his figure and voice were identical. First turned around, but I awkwardly lowered my head and just held him tighter.

“Don’t move… Just let me hold you for awhile, even if it’s just a moment longer.”

First, I’m sorry.

This really was the last time. I had tried so hard to forget that person, but how could you forget a memory seeped into your very marrow? Perhaps something had injured my state of mind, because qi suddenly started churning wildly within my chest, causing me pain. I only kept holding on, forcing myself to ignore the chaos inside my body as I embraced his warmth.

“Shao’er,” he couldn’t discern my struggles, but only spoke softly. “What exactly is the relations.h.i.+p between you and that personal enemy of yours?”

“Are you jealous?”

He didn’t reply.

Very good, you knew how to be jealous. My good yifu would never be jealous on account of me.

He would only say, ‘Shao’er, let Zichuan have his way for a while.’

He would only say, ‘It’s Zichuan and I that are going, not you…we can’t bring you to the palace.’

In a flash, I held onto his shoulders, softly rubbing my cheek against his robes. “Tell me, yifu, should I enter the palace this time?”

He tugged my hand, brows knitted as he asked me, “Who exactly are you taking me for?” The papers on the table rustled, my painting among them an enchanting sight beneath the candlelight. “He, was he the reason you took us all in?”

My eyes widened, then curved into a smile. “If I say yes, would you accept it?”

He carefully studied me before listlessly releasing my hand, laughing in spite of himself. There was a sense of giving up in his tone, and a bit of loneliness. “Master, things that need to be resolved should still be resolved. Even if you stop thinking about it, some things can’t be forgotten as old dreams…”

“If he’s in the palace, then you should go.”

—

Early morning, when the skies were still dim.

A covered carriage was waiting by the front gates. Before it stood a middle aged man who looked to be a high-leveled expert that bowed politely as he spoke. “Fellow Princes, your servant is here on his master’s orders to receive the lady.”

The atmosphere around the breakfast table was oppressive. The Poison Prince, who had been silently eating his food, slapped his chopsticks on the table and grumbled, “Even if you guys don’t eat, our Master should. What’s the rush? Careful I don’t feed you poison.”

I took a bite of my meal.

“Little Third, don’t frighten him. Sixth, give Master more porridge.”

Ah…

More food?

I timidly glanced at Little Fourth, who had given out the order. Ever since he had sat at the table, he’d only moved his mouth and not his bowl. At most he’d wave his chopsticks around with his head bowed, as if trying to do a divination. I quietly decided to keep eating.

“Master, eat more. I added special ingredients to this porridge and these side dishes,” Little Second added from the side. I did a spit-take, and he quickly rose to wipe the mess with his sleeves.