Part 11 (1/2)

13.

Hayden I read her comment again. I didn't expect it to have changed-I was just hoping I'd read it wrong.

'I'm going to be handing some of your work over to a colleague, Hayden.'

Nope. Still pretty much the same. 'Some?'

'All.'

Great. The first time I get fired, and it's by my a.s.sistant. I felt a dull pain in my head-probably the bruise to my ego. Too bad my a.s.sistant couldn't get me an aspirin. Too bad I no longer had an a.s.sistant. Because she'd just fired me.

No, hurt psyche or not, I had no intention of being fired, especially without a logical reason. Granted, logic and reason didn't seem to be coming as naturally as they once did.

d.a.m.n it, I needed something a lot stronger than aspirin.

I considered asking her why but knew she'd have an excuse ready, one that had nothing to do with the truth. So why bother demanding she lie?

'Whatever I've done or said to made you uncomfortable was wrong. If you tell me what it was, I won't do it again.' There. To the point. Open-ended. And much harder to lie about.

'Nothing.'

'But...?' ”Don't leave it like that, Sira. Come on.” 'If I'm being fired, at least tell me why.'

'You're married.' Well, she definitely hadn't lied. She must just think I'm a dirty old man or something. I wasn't sure how many bruises my ego could take in one day from this particular woman.

'You can't fire someone for being married. It's illegal.'

'Don't make me say it.'

Say it? We weren't saying anything. We were tap-dancing with words. 'Can we please discuss this on the telephone?'

'Definitely no.'

I hated this. Hated having to be careful with my word choice, of not only trying to translate what I was feeling-something I was already confused about-into words on a screen. With no inflection, no emotion, they were just letters strung together that were too easily misunderstood.

'I'll make sure you get the best a.s.sistant we have. The second best, anyway. :)'

No. That was unacceptable. I wanted the best. I wanted her. 'We don't have a traditional marriage.' s.h.i.+t. Why did I write that? What was I suggesting?

'Are you swingers? Like, an open marriage?'

I blew out a breath. I'd never had to explain it. Never discussed it with anyone, including Clare until very recently. So what could I say to make Sira understand? Clare and I had more of a one-way door marriage. And until now, I'd been fine with it. I had a job that kept me overly occupied and a nice home. And when that wasn't enough, I had my right hand and lots of long showers. Not exactly what dreams were made of, but no one could say every aspect of their life was perfect. Cosmically speaking, I was still way ahead. I had more success than I had a right to.

On second thought, it was probably better that we not meet in person. If we did and it wasn't absolutely horrible, the world would probably collapse or start turning in the other direction.

'Our marriage is complicated.' In many ways. 'But I won't betray my vows.' I'd signed a contract that I would never break, regardless of what, or whom, Clare did. 'That's not what I'm asking you for. This has absolutely nothing to do with my marriage.' Although it wasn't totally off in left field, if I were honest with myself. Which I used to believe I always was.

'I'm SO embarra.s.sed right now. I didn't mean to suggest that you would or that you were even thinking of me in that way.'

'There's no need to feel embarra.s.sed.' Because I was thinking of her in that way. Knowing it was wrong for everyone and doing it anyway. 'My fault for not expressing myself clearly. Which is why I wanted to speak on the phone.'

'I hate talking on the phone.'

I ran my hands over my face. This was useless.

A few seconds later, my cell phone rang. d.a.m.n it. I answered without looking, still staring at the screen, wondering if there was another way to convince her.

”Bennett,” I grumbled.

”It's...Sira.”

”Oh!” I looked up, obviously forgetting how the telephone worked, as well. I'd turned back into a teenage boy-complete brain malfunction as soon as a pretty girl started speaking to me. ”I... How...” Could I have forgotten how to talk on the telephone?

”Should I call you back on your office line?”

”It's fine. I'm...” Christ. Really? When was the last time I'd felt this inept? This ridiculous? I'd asked if we could speak on the phone, and now I was proving myself incapable of doing it. I cleared my throat. ”Wow. Please forgive me if I've ever said anything that made you feel as awkward as I do right now.”

”You're feeling awkward?” Thankfully, her laugh was light and not anything more humiliating.

”I'm glad someone's enjoying it.”

”You're a lot different than you seem on your LinkedIn profile. You might consider updating it.”

”To say what?”

”That you're human. Not always sure of yourself.”

”I usually am. Luckily, you're the only one who brings this out of me.”

Her laugh stopped. ”About that...Hayden, look.”

I've seen enough movies to know the next thing she said wouldn't be good.

”I think it'd be better if we stop working together. I was joking about that 'second best' thing. I can find you someone else, someone just as good as me.”

”I don't want anyone else. I want you.” I'd like to think my comment only created the silence it did because she misunderstood it, because she'd thought I was referring to something other than just the way she worked. I'd like to think that. But I couldn't. Because it wasn't true.

”I can't...I can't do this, Hayden,” she said finally. ”It's not even about your marriage. It's more that......I'm incredibly tempted to do something I shouldn't.”

”If you understood my situation-”

”Your situation doesn't matter. It's our situation that's the problem. For me. And the best way to deal with that is to remove myself from it.”

”I don't want you to.”