Chapter 34.1 (2/2)
Fang Chi patted the sides of Gao Zhun's legs. ”Do you have your car keys with you?”
”No.”
Gao Zhun turned, wanting to burrow into the other man's arms, but Fang Chi twisted him around by force and pinned him to the door. ”Remember to bring them tomorrow.”
The front of Gao Zhun's suit was smeared with grime from the car. ”My clothes…”
”A rapist wouldn't care about what you're wearing.” Fang Chi was deliberate in his roughness. ”Now, think of me as that man. Imagine that I'd appeared behind you without warning, ready to a.s.sault you.”
Gao Zhun trembled; it was very clear that he was already immersed in the horror of the unfolding scenario. Uncontrollably, Fang Chi's eyes ran down the other man's straightened spine, sweeping over his narrow shoulders and tiny waist before reaching the swell of his a.s.s under the hem of his suit. ”He…” Fang Chi swallowed. ”He grabbed your neck, is that right?”
Gao Zhun nodded, so Fang Chi reached out with his right hand and clasped the other man's nape. Lightly. ”Like this?” he asked, not daring to exert any force on the other man. But Gao Zhun began twisting a little, trying to shake off the constraint around his neck, and Fang Chi strengthened his grip in response. ”Back then, were you… writhing like this as well?”
”No…” Even Gao Zhun's voice was quivering. ”He was very fast and shoved me into the car before I knew what was happening.”
Fang Chi was enraged all of a sudden, though he could not tell for sure what he was feeling right now - fury or jealousy. Pain, sharp and urgent, tore at his gut as images of that night played out in his mind. He saw a man in a baseball cap grip Gao Zhun by the neck and force him into the car. He watched the man straddle Gao Zhun, riding him, tearing at his clothes in a frenzy, raining blow after blow on his body… Fang Chi's heart ached to its core. He hurt so much for Gao Zhun that he could not help but throw his arms around the helpless man before him.
”Ah!” Gao Zhun cried out in fear, but Fang Chi did not let go. ”He didn't do this,” Gao Zhun whimpered, twisting and struggling. ”Don't…” Yet, imagining himself to be the rapist, Fang Chi began tormenting the man in his arms. Like a beast determined to ruin a powerless woman in his grasp, he ravaged Gao Zhun's body through his clothes, groping every inch of his s.h.i.+vering flesh with insatiable hands, yanking hard on his fragile nerves with every move.
”No! Please… let me go!” Gao Zhun begged between sobs. ”Can we stop this training? No more. Please… no more…” But this was not training at all. This was nothing but Fang Chi's whim to toy with the other man. A single impulse thrilled through his entire being: he wanted to take things further, to flip Gao Zhun over, devour his lips, pry his body open…
Just as Fang Chi was losing himself to his desire, however, a young couple emerged from the elevator lobby. They pa.s.sed by, bantering, but froze in their tracks when they heard Gao Zhun's cries for help and saw what Fang Chi was doing. The couple gaped at the men, stunned in astonishment. Panting, Fang Chi released Gao Zhun, straightened himself, and ran a ragged hand through his own hair. The young man put down the plastic bag in his hand, darting his eyes between the two men by the car. Then, in a wary tone, he confronted Fang Chi, ”What are you doing?”
”I…” Fang Chi found himself at a loss for words.
The young woman took out her phone. Lowering her voice, she asked the man beside her, ”Should we call the police?”
Although Gao Zhun had buried himself in Fang Chi's arms, stricken with shame, he stirred immediately at the mention of the police. ”No, don't call the police,” he entreated in a tiny voice, peering up from the embrace. ”He's my doctor.”
The couple did not believe him in the least. Inching towards the car, the couple continued to coax, ”He was a.s.saulting you, wasn't he? Don't be afraid of his threats. We can help you.”
”No, you're wrong.” Gao Zhun, guarded and hostile, stepped in front of his therapist as if the couple were trying to take Fang Chi away from him. ”Go away! Mind your own business!”
Gao Zhun's emotions were spiraling out of control. Fang Chi pulled him back. ”I'm indeed his doctor - his therapist, to be exact,” he explained to the two kind souls. With an air of sincerity, he continued, ”We're in the middle of a behavior therapy session, but I'm very heartened by your willingness to step out in a situation like this. Thank you. Your actions will help many others in distress.” He easily convinced the young couple with ease: he looked so trustworthy, and his manner was so impeccable in its frankness that there was no room for any doubt.
After politely saying their goodbyes, the couple left. Frightened out of his wits, Gao Zhun clung on to Fang Chi's clothes and refused to let go. ”Will they guess… guess that I was r-ra…”
”No, they won't,” Fang Chi soothed as he took the other man into his arms again. ”They'd think it was a mugging.”
”No…” Gao Zhun remained inconsolable and unconvinced. ”My voice… I sounded really weird!”
At this, an inexplicable sense of agitation rose within Fang Chi. ”Even if they thought we were gay, so what?”
Stunned, Gao Zhun stared blankly at the other man. ”They thought we were…” He paused, biting back the phrase that had come to him out of the blue: ”an item.” A blush bloomed over his face at the very idea. He had never thought of them this way - never thought that he could be ”an item” with Fang Chi. Foolishly, he asked instead, ”Can we…?”
The question rendered Fang Chi speechless. He could only stare back at Gao Zhun, their gazes locking together in silence for a long, heavy moment.
Footnote:
In vivo exposure therapy: A form of behavior therapy and desensitization, more commonly known as flooding therapy. It is a technique used to treat phobias and anxiety disorders, including PTSD. Based on the principles of Pavlov's cla.s.sical conditioning, flooding compels patients to alter their behaviors (i.e. reactions to and feelings about the trauma) by exposing patients to their most painful memories. Under controlled conditions, with the aid of relaxation techniques, patients undergo their traumas repeatedly with minimal a.s.sistance from their therapists, until their feelings are replaced by feelings of relaxation. Though proven to be effective in many instances, repeated exposure is often scarring for the patient.
Although flooding therapy aims to condition a patient's emotional and physiological responses to trauma, Fang Chi's behavior in this chapter should not be taken as an accurate ill.u.s.tration of the technique. His redirection of blame onto Gao Zhun, as well as the pleasure he gains from the exercise, are both ethically questionable.
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