Chapter 22.2 (1/2)
Deep in the Act
Translator: Kotoni
Editor: Isalee
First Published on Chaleuria
Chapter 22.2
Gao Zhun was still on the phone, listening to the ongoing debate about the prices of several Qing dynasty textiles, as he watched Fang Chi take out his card holder. Before his eyes, Fang Chi's long fingers flicked the case open with a click, revealing the snow-white cards within. With practiced ease, he pulled out a single piece for the youth - just as he once did for Gao Zhun, with the same voice and gesture, saying: Nice to meet you, Mr. Gao.
Gao Zhun struggled to breathe.
The youth took the card, not forgetting to glance lightly at Gao Zhun again as he slipped it into his pocket. Then, waving his test strip, he remarked in a cheerful voice, ”Oh it's negative.” Having gotten his results, he bade Fang Chi goodbye with natural ease and tossed his strip into a bin in the corner on his way out.
The call ended a while ago, but Gao Zhun had no idea what he said or how it ended. For reasons he did not understand, he began ignoring Fang Chi, no longer willing to listen to anything he had to say.
”What's wrong?” Fang Chi asked as he tried to reach for Gao Zhun's hand, but Gao Zhun avoided his touch neurotically. When he tried to look at Gao Zhun's test strip, he was once again met with rejection. Gao Zhun even moved away to the next seat, putting an empty chair's distance between himself and Fang Chi.
The onlookers t.i.ttered amongst themselves, chattering in excitement at the scene before them, ”… lovers' tiff… he got jealous…”
Fang Chi heard them, and an inexplicable rage rose within him. ”Mr. Gao… Gao Zhun,” he called out as he moved into the seat next to Gao Zhun, ”look at me.” But the other man kept his head averted, so Fang Chi tugged at his arm and continued, ”Are you afraid that they'd think… we're in that sort of relations.h.i.+p?”
Of course not - Gao Zhun replied in his mind, though he refused to utter a single word. Fang Chi was almost hugging him now. ”Did they say something?” He lowered his voice, ”Look at them - they're all alone. Not one of their lovers or so-called boyfriends is here with any of them. But you have me, and they're jealous of you.”
At this, Gao Zhun finally turned to look at the other man. What are we, then? - he wanted to ask, but could not bring himself to say it out loud. Thinking that Gao Zhun was starting to loosen up, Fang Chi took the test strip out of his hand. It was marked in red with a single control line.
”Negative.” He heaved out a long sigh, with a profound sense of relief that made it seem as if he were the one who had taken the test. ”You're safe.” Gazing at Gao Zhun with deep feeling, he repeated himself, ”You're safe.”
Gao Zhun did not know how to face him anymore. Although he cherished Fang Chi's loving care with his entire being, he resented the man's artful ability to please everyone around him. Suddenly, it became clear to him that he wanted this man - he wanted the man to belong to him, and him only.
He got to his feet. Before Fang Chi's eyes, he walked away in silence, headed for the door, and left on his own. Fang Chi was stunned. Coming back to his senses several moments later, Fang Chi dashed after him, calling out his name. But Gao Zhun did not respond. He plunged into the milling crowds at the subway station, and Fang Chi followed behind him, confused by the sudden distance he had put between them. They waited on the same platform and entered the same carriage. Yet, even as he began shaking with fear, Gao Zhun continued to reject Fang Chi's touch.
More and more people boarded the train, pus.h.i.+ng them further and further apart, until Gao Zhun was lost in the surging crowd. The thought of Gao Zhun forcing himself to endure his surroundings all by himself was too much for Fang Chi to bear. He had always been courteous, but now, he could not care less about rules and propriety. Taking full advantage of his height, he began shoving his way through the densely-packed crowd. Amidst much complaint from the people around him, he made it back to Gao Zhun's side again.
Sensing Fang Chi's presence, Gao Zhun lifted his reddened eyes and stole a timid glance at the other man. He needed Fang Chi, but he did not dare say it aloud. Fang Chi sighed in resignation. Then, he reached out and enveloped Gao Zhun with his arms.
This was a short-lived intimacy; they reached their stop before long. They did not exchange a single word on their way back to Gao Zhun's estate from the subway station. As they were about to part at the gate, however, Fang Chi asked with worry, ”Would you like me to walk you back to your apartment?”
Gao Zhun replied with a silent shake of his head before heading towards his home, all by himself. As he walked, his nose began to feel funny; it seemed that tears had begun falling from his eyes. He desperately wanted to turn back and tell Fang Chi to stay: Walk me home - please, don't go. But the words were caught in his throat, and they choked the life out of him bit by bit.
Reaching his apartment block, he opened the door and wiped away his tears. As his eyes fell on the metallic mailboxes along the wall, he noticed that his was already full, and its contents seemed like they were ready to spill out of the slot at any moment. He collected his mail, took the elevator upstairs, and finally reached his apartment. He scanned through the pile once he was home. Besides Linlin's credit card bills, which made up most of his mail, there were some doc.u.ments, several journals, and a small letter without a stamp or postmark.
He opened the letter in puzzlement and was surprised to find that it was written by hand. The writer did not have beautiful handwriting, but a certain sense of warm sincerity pervaded every stroke. ”Dear Mr. Gao,” it began: