Chapter 22.1 (1/2)
Deep in the Act
Translator: Kotoni
Editor: Isalee
First Published on Chaleuria
Chapter 22.1
Fang Chi and Gao Zhun made arrangements for the test. They discussed where to go - the community hospital or the disease control center1 - and when to meet. Given Gao Zhun's fear of running into familiar faces, they agreed to meet at the subway station after the morning rush hour. It was nine thirty now, but there were still many people on the train. With watchful care, Fang Chi made sure that Gao Zhun stayed close in front of him throughout the ride. He kept a gentle, rea.s.suring hold on Gao Zhun from behind, and s.h.i.+elded him with a light embrace whenever the train became too crowded.
The train rocked from side to side as it moved along. They felt the warmth from each other's skin through the thin fabric of the s.h.i.+rts between their bodies, but Gao Zhun remained unaffected by their proximity. His mind was thrown into chaos and driven to distraction by a single word: AIDS. It was all he could think about. It kept him awake through the night. The fear he had felt in the wake of the s.e.xual a.s.sault was nothing in comparison to the sheer terror that consumed him now. Discrimination, terminal illness, death - fragmented images from awareness campaigns he had seen in the past flashed before his eyes, trapping him in a living nightmare from which there was no escape.
As if he could sense the paralyzing fear in the body before him, Fang Chi lowered his head. ”Don't be scared,” he murmured, his breath hot against the skin behind Gao Zhun's ear, ”I'm here with you.”
Gao Zhun felt his heart seize, clenching and twisting so hard that he was on the brink of tears. Then, giving in to his desire, he leaned backwards and collapsed against the chest behind him. After most of the pa.s.sengers alighted at a major station, Fang Chi guided Gao Zhun toward some available seats. They sat down together, shoulder to shoulder; in contrast to the s.p.a.ciousness of the seats, their closeness seemed somewhat unnatural and odd.
Although it was not cold in the train, Gao Zhun could not stop s.h.i.+vering. ”If the test results come back positive…” he said weakly as he turned to Fang Chi with a face that seemed to have frosted over with ice-cold despair, ”just leave me and let me die.”
It was unbearable for Fang Chi to hear such words from him. He reached over and grabbed the stiff hand resting on Gao Zhun's knee. He slipped his fingers through Gao Zhun's, locking their hands together, and began rubbing back and forth. Some pa.s.sengers noticed immediately. Others even began whispering amongst themselves. Gao Zhun pulled away a little, but Fang Chi held on. ”Let them think what they will. I only care about how you feel.”
Hand in hand, they held on firmly to each other for the rest of the ride, until the cuffs of their sleeves became soaked with sweat. When they reached their stop at last, Fang Chi had to help Gao Zhun get to his feet, almost as if he were scooping the other man up in his arms.
The disease control center was a three-story building located several hundred meters away from the subway station. People of all kinds could be seen streaming in and out of its relatively modest premises. The clinic for HIV testing was a large room on the second floor, with doors that were always kept shut from the inside. Fang Chi supported Gao Zhun by his shoulders and watched him take two deep breaths. Then, he opened the door for Gao Zhun and entered the room with him.
The room was white, with a row of yellow plastic seats running along its pristine walls. Half of the seats were already taken up. Most of the occupants in the room were young men. Within moments, the pair became the focus of attention. Numerous gazes fell upon them: some were sympathetic, filled with understanding for their common plight; some were indifferent, desensitized to the point of numbness; others were mocking and malicious, unabashedly reveling in the joy of schadenfreude.
Gao Zhun was overwhelmed with fear, so terrified that his vision had begun to blur. Fang Chi held him up by the waist and helped him into an empty seat at random. ”Wait here. I'll go look for the doctor.” But Gao Zhun clung to his sleeve, refusing to let go. ”It's alright,” Fang Chi coaxed with patience, ”I'll be back in a minute.”
When Fang Chi's sleeve slipped from his grasp, Gao Zhun felt as if the world had collapsed all around him. Useless, helpless tears welled up in his eyes, quivering and threatening to fall at every flutter of his lashes. Seated next to Gao Zhun was a tall, slender youth dressed in a brightly-colored sweats.h.i.+rt, sporting a fas.h.i.+onable root perm. With a mixed expression on his face, the young man observed Gao Zhun out of the corners of his eyes, stealing glance after glance at the older man from the side.
Fang Chi returned very soon, just as he had promised, holding something in his hands. Ignoring the crowd in the room, he headed straight for Gao Zhun and squatted down before him. ”Give me your hand.” For some inexplicable reason, they became the center of attention once more; all eyes turned in their direction, flas.h.i.+ng with amazement and envy.
Fang Chi remained unaffected. He pulled out some wet wipes from his pocket and began cleaning Gao Zhun's ring finger with care. After that, he opened the packet in his hands and took out its contents: a test strip and a sterilized needle. Up to this point, Gao Zhun had been watching Fang Chi's ministrations blankly. But when Fang Chi was about to p.r.i.c.k his finger with the needle, he pulled back his hand all of a sudden. ”No,” he protested as he tried to s.n.a.t.c.h the needle from Fang Chi, ”I'll do it myself.”
Fang Chi paid him no mind and avoided his grasp with ease. ”It'll be over before you know it. It won't hurt at all.”
Yet, Gao Zhun remained persistent and continued to keep his finger out of Fang Chi's reach. At this point, Fang Chi finally understood: Gao Zhun, frightened by the tiniest possibility of infecting him, was trying to be as cautious as he could. Even though his heart could not help but melt at the thought, Fang Chi hardened his expression and ordered, ”Your hand. Now.”