Chapter 18.2 (1/2)
Deep in the Act
Translator: Kotoni
Editor: Isalee
First Published on Chaleuria
Warning: Contains descriptions of rape and trauma.
Chapter 18.2
”I didn't dare to. More than what he was doing to me, I was afraid of being seen. I was terrified that someone would see him riding on top of me…”
”So you chose to put up with it?” It was rare for Fang Chi to lose his temper during treatments, but now, in this very moment, he was visibly enraged. ”You just allowed him to lie on top of you and…” - he stopped and forced himself to swallow the rest of his sentence as he struggled to rein in his emotions. When they were in check once again, he changed his question, ”Were you facing each other at the time?”
Gao Zhun could not believe his ears; he could not believe that Fang Chi would ask him such a thing. ”Are you really trying to help me?” A deep sense of humiliation welled up from the very core of his being. Consumed by anguish and bitter resentment towards his misfortune, he spat, ”Or are you just curious about how I was raped by a man?”
”I just want to understand your traumatic experience in detail.”
”Fine!” Gao Zhun's voice rose sharply as he lost all control of his feelings. ”He screwed me from the front. I opened my legs like a woman. He threw one of my legs over his shoulder and kissed me as he f***ed me. The marks stayed for more than half a month. Are you happy now?”
”I'm not!” Fang Chi threw down his pen. His notepad slid off his knee and scattered its pages all over the floor. ”I also want to know if you felt any pleasure during the rape! Did you moan? Did you come?!”
Gao Zhun sprung up from his chair, staring at him in shock. ”How did you know…” He clamped a hand over his mouth in obvious panic. ”I didn't want to. I…”
Fang Chi got to his feet as well, hating himself for his recklessness. ”I'm sorry. I was too anxious and rushed too quickly into things. Let's go freshen up for now, okay?”
Supporting Gao Zhun by the shoulders, Fang Chi began leading him to the washroom. Blankly, Gao Zhun drifted forward under the direction of Fang Chi's gentle pushes. After a few steps, however, he whipped around all of a sudden and crashed into Fang Chi's arms like a bird with pinioned wings. Overwhelmed with despair, he pleaded, ”Don't look down on me. Please. I beg you. I beg you, please don't…”
Fang Chi closed his arms around Gao Zhun with care, as if he were holding a bouquet that was still wet with dew. Then, without thinking, he tilted his head and kissed the temple that nestled against his cheek. He did not know why he did it - nor did he understand why it felt so natural, so right. He tightened his arms, pressing Gao Zhun further into his embrace, imprinting the shape of the other man's body on his own. ”I won't let you go.”
He accompanied Gao Zhun into the washroom. He watched as Gao Zhun wept into the sink, tears falling from his eyes as he tried to wash his face. Fang Chi felt his heart ache as if its flesh was being gouged out by a razor blade. He tugged a towel off the rack. Pulling Gao Zhun back by his elbow, Fang Chi began wiping his face with a featherlight touch. ”Are you able to continue?”
Gao Zhun nodded. After a brief frown at Fang Chi, he hid himself once more in the safety of Fang Chi's arms. ”It was really painful at the beginning. He was so strong. Every thrust hurt so much, as if he was ramming all the way through my gut and up to my chest. But, slowly…” His voice became m.u.f.fled as he continued, ”I… I began to feel good… really good… inside my a.s.s. It's nothing like being with a woman. I must have lost my mind!”
This time, Fang Chi wrapped his arms around Gao Zhun with some hesitation. It might be better to continue the topic in separate chairs, he thought. Yet, despite his numerous considerations, he could not bring himself to interrupt Gao Zhun. ”Tell me how you felt.”
”I could hear myself moaning…” Gao Zhun melded himself against Fang Chi as his arms clung to Fang Chi's back. ”I was just like a woman from that kind of movie… I think I might have hugged him, but I couldn't help myself!”
Gao Zhun's body pressed into Fang Chi's chest, and Fang Chi felt his chest burn at the touch. It was as if they were completely naked in each other's arms; even the slightest movement from each other felt so vivid and real. ”How long did it last?”
”I don't know.” Gao Zhun bent his neck and buried his head against Fang Chi's shoulder. ”It was as if I'd become an animal.”
”Did he wear a condom?” Gao Zhun shook his head. Fang Chi lifted Gao Zhun's chin and forced the other man to look up at him. ”What happened in the end?”