Part 8 (1/2)

”Ten or so, I would imagine. Old enough to know what was going on and certainly old enough to feel put out by his Da.” There was an uncomfortable pause as Milly judged just how much history she should divulge about the Laird's upbringing and family squabbles.

”But, as for yer dress la.s.s, Devon bought this for ye,” Milly steered the course of the conversation back to less troubled waters. ”That was his other condition to his brother. He wanted you to have a proper wedding, in Kirk, with a dress so that ye might feel that this wedding was wanted.” Milly looked up at me, searching for my response. It was clear that she had quite a soft spot for Devon, having known him all her life.

”Oh, I didn't know.” I looked down at the dress. It was beautiful, and quite extravagant. It was made of the deepest blue satin fabric, a color that accentuated my pale complexion and auburn hair perfectly. What surprised me the most was the fit. The dress fit me like a glove. The simple elegance of the gown was understated. There was no beading or ruffles, remittances that suited me perfectly. The neckline was wide cut into a low boat neck. The bodice was fitted, with laces at the back of the dress to bind it tightly to my body, causing my b.r.e.a.s.t.s to peek out seductively atop the neckline. I loved the dress and I couldn't help but feel beautiful. Somehow I knew that Devon had picked the dress out himself, knowing that it was perfect for me. I was quite taken aback by his care for my feelings.

”Why didn't anyone tell me that he bought this dress?”

”For one, ye didna ask. Secondly, that's how Devon is la.s.s. He's generous to a fault, often beyond his means. When he bought ye the dress, he wasn't looking for appreciation from you. He was making an offering of good will. Or at the very least, an offering of what might be between the two of ye in time.”

My hand rose to the satin bodice and I felt a glimmer of hope about my future with this man that was soon to become my husband. Any man that cared about something as simple as a wedding dress, knowing how much such an object would mean to a woman on her wedding day, was surely a good one.

”Ye look lovely, la.s.s.” Milly stood back and admired her masterpiece.

”Thank you, Milly,” I said as I forced a smile. I had been pinched, prodded and fluffed, but begrudgingly, I had to admit that I felt pretty in this dress, my wedding dress. Milly had done well. My dark auburn curls had been pinned up and fell loosely about my shoulders. The dress fit me like a glove, and accentuated my small waist perfectly. With each breath, my b.r.e.a.s.t.s rose and fell above the low neckline. The cut of the dress showed them off to their best advantage.

”Will there be anything else ye need?” Milly asked, reaching forward to smooth the satin skirt one final time.

”No. No thank you. I'd like to be left alone for a few minutes if you wouldn't mind?”

”As ye wish la.s.s. I ken the nerves that a la.s.sie feels on her wedding day.” Milly turned and left the room, pulling the chamber door closed behind her.

I walked to the small window that looked out over the chapel garden and leaned my cheek against the cold stone wall. I closed my eyes and focused on the coolness of the stone, focusing my thoughts inward. My breath was steady and I felt the warmth of each breath as I slowly exhaled. I calmed my racing thoughts with the rhythmic nature of my breath. In and out, chest rising and falling. I would need every ounce of my composure to get myself through today. Every fiber in my body was screaming for me to run, to find a way out of this situation. I willed my body to be calm, to accept this situation, and to think rationally. I am strong. I can get through this. This wedding was the best chance that I would have at securing safety for myself. Devon would bring me safety. He had promised to give his life in order to keep me safe.

I felt as though my life was dangling by a string. A string which bound me fragilely to my old life. I was like a droplet of water at the end of this string that was stretching from the pull of gravity, the pull of this world that I was about to plunge irrevocably into. The more I tried to pull at the string, to grasp the shreds of the life that I had before, the stronger I was pulled into my present life. Every cell in my body was tense with the understanding that I was about to step boldly, albeit unwillingly into this new world when I had agreed to take Devon McClain as my husband.

There was a quiet, hesitant knock on the door. I jumped, startled from my thoughts and did my best to compose myself for the trial that I was about to face. I let out a final, calming breath and turned as Milly opened the door to the small chamber.

”They're ready for ye, la.s.s,” she whispered, smiling with encouragement.

I walked towards her, standing strong and proud. I refused to give Collin the satisfaction of dragging me to the alter. Unfortunately, my body was not totally in agreement, and I was unnerved by the shakiness of my legs. I clasped my hands together to calm their shaking. With my chin held high, I walked out the chamber door to meet my groom.

Collin was the first to see me in the doorway of the chapel and he announced my presence by clearing his throat to draw the attention of the others. There were three men standing at the alter of the church. The rest of the chapel was silent and empty. I was disappointed not to see Leti, having a.s.sumed that she would be here today. Milly stood beside me in the doorway, silent and firm, her hand resting lightly on the small of my back, ready to propel me forward if the necessity arose.

As I stepped forward into the chapel, Devon turned around and his eyes locked with mine. A nervous smile spread across his face as he held my gaze. He was resplendent, fully decked out in Highland regalia. His presence took my breath away, causing a hitch in my step. This man was beautiful, a real life warrior. I focused on him as I continued forward. His hair was loose about his shoulders and he was cleanly shaven. His outfit was no doubt his formal best. A white billowing s.h.i.+rt was underneath his crimson kilt, which was gathered about his shoulder and secured by a ma.s.sive broach. His green eyes held my gaze and although the smile had faded from his lips, I felt as though he was focusing on me in the same way that I was focusing on him. Both of us clinging to each other to remain composed in this precarious situation.

I walked mechanically down the aisle of the small chapel, feeling Milly's hand ever present on my back. When we reached the alter, the pressure applied to my spine became more firm, insistent. Milly almost pushed me forward, causing me to crash back to reality and realize that indeed, my legs had been locked in place in a final effort of refusal to this unbelievable turn of events. Devon reached out a hand to steady me, as if sensing that I was about to bolt for the door. His touch calmed me and I held on to his hand for dear life. He gathered me up next to him and we moved as one body forward to stand in front of the priest.

The priest was a small man, round about the middle, clothed in a black robe. There was a small leather bound bible in his hands. He was middle aged, but his small stature made him look like a child next to Devon and Collin despite the fact that he was almost completely bald. His eyes darted between Devon and me nervously, giving me the impression that he was aware that the bride and groom were reluctant partic.i.p.ants in this ceremony. He smiled warmly and opened the small Bible.

Despite my best intentions to remain stoic, my knees felt weak and I thought I might pa.s.s out. My mind tried to stray from my present circ.u.mstances, reaching towards the solace of the blackness. I willed myself to breathe and continued to focus on the rhythmic movements of my chest as the breath moved in and out of my body. Devon sensed my unease and I felt his grip on my hand strengthen, and I was supported by his other large hand against the small of my back. The words of the priest became a haze, as my mind ran for refuge from this nightmare.

”Do ye have a ring, lad?” the priest questioned.

”Och, aye, let me find it,” Devon said, as color flushed his face. He dug frantically in his sporran, pulling out bits of string and coins until he came across what he was looking for. ”Here is it!” he exclaimed, smiling sheepishly at me. ”Sorry, I thought I'd lost it for a second.”

He reached for my left hand nervously, stroking his thumb across the back of my hand in a.s.surance as he slid the silver band onto my ring finger. Devon's eyes met mine as he held the ring in place at the base of my finger. I began to panic as he slid the ring into place, feeling a cool sweat break out across my body.

”Yer fingers are smaller than I'd thought, la.s.s. We can trade it for one that fits,” he said as he closed my hand into a fist so that the ring wouldn't fall off. He wrapped my fist in his own hand and raised it gently to his lips, planting a light kiss on top of the ring. I felt the warmth of his lips in contrast to the coolness of the ring, both felt new against my skin. He whispered something very quietly in Gaelic as he drew his lips away from my hand. I had no idea what he had whispered and made a mental note to ask him later. Nonetheless, I was touched by the sincerity of his gesture and I was able to regain my facade of control.

”Ye may kiss the bride,” the Priest said, closing the bible and starting at us expectantly.

Now it was Devon who fought to remain in control. He wasn't sure if I would pa.s.s out or run for the door. Still holding my hand in his own, he moved towards me slightly, unsure of how to proceed. I met him halfway, looked into his eyes and reached my right hand up behind his neck. I summoned all of my courage and pulled his head towards me, capturing his lips into a kiss. He let out a small sound of surprise, I had caught him off guard. His hand squeezed mine as he returned the kiss pa.s.sionately, not dissuaded by the clearing of his brother's throat in clear disapproval. There was an ever so slight growl of satisfaction deep in Devon's throat as he broke the kiss and looked into my eyes.

”My wife,” he whispered, the corner of his mouth turning up into a slight smile. He kissed me again chastely on the lips and then I felt the pressure of his hand increase on the small of my back. ”Let's go,” he whispered, supporting me as we walked silently from the chapel, leaving his brother and the priest without a word.

We were still holding hands as we exited the chapel and walked into the late afternoon sunlight. I squinted as my eyes adjusted to the bright light, realizing how dark it had been in the small chapel. The late autumn air was cool against my skin. It was a welcome change to the stuffy interior of the chapel. The cool air hit my skin in a rush, refres.h.i.+ng my senses.

Devon let go of my hand and began untying Stanley's reins, which had been secured to the low hanging branch of a nearby tree. He deftly swung himself up into the saddle and reached his hand down towards me in invitation. I took his hand and before I knew it, he had me gathered up and settled across his lap. I slid one arm behind his back and slid my other arm around his waist.

”Doona be worrit, la.s.s. I won't let ye fall off,” Devon said, sensing my unease. ”Yer as tense as a board.”

I tried to relax, finding it difficult to release the tension from my muscles and settle against Devon's firm thighs and chest. I was married to the man, but still found the necessity of our immediate bodily contact a bit unnerving.

Devon clicked his tongue and Stanley spurred into motion. The great horse was ready for some exercise after being tethered to a tree all afternoon. I felt Devon pull back on the reins, slowing the stallion to a comfortable walk, which was much better for my frazzled nerves. The last thing that I needed today was to be thrown from a horse.

”I'm not sure what tae say now, Kate,” Devon started. ”I'd wondered what today would feel like, how we would both react and what I would say tae ye after. Funny thing is that I canna think of anything tae say,” he chuckled. ”It's a rare day when I'm dumbstruck, but I must admit I'm at a loss.”

”You don't have to say anything. I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around it too,” I replied.

”When I was getting ready this morning, I wondered if I would feel differently, ye ken, feel differently after we were wed.”

”So, do you?”

”This morning, I didna think that I would. But now, I must admit that surprisingly, I do feel differently. I can't really describe it, but I feel like ...” he trailed off in thought, trying to put his feelings into words for my sake. ”Remember when I was trying tae explain how it is that I feel about Leti, how I ken that it's my job tae protect her?”

”Yeah, I remember,” I said, remembering our conversation on the picnic blanket.

”It's sort of like that but more intense. I've never had someone that's been completely mine, ken? Besides the odd horse or dog, mind ye.”

”So you're comparing having a wife to owning a horse or a dog?” I said, confused.

”Och, no, la.s.s! That's no what I meant!” he said, embarra.s.sed. ”It's more that I have this overwhelming desire tae keep ye safe. Tae wrap ye up in my arms and hide ye away from anything that might bring ye harm,” he explained, holding me close against his chest.

”That's sweet,” I said, resting my cheek against his shoulder.

He wants to protect me.

”You have no idea how much that means to me. It's been a long time since I've felt safe,” I confessed, feeling the sense of security that Devon provided wrapping around me like a warm blanket.

”I'll protect ye with my life, Kate,” he vowed, kissing the top of my head.

I closed my eyes in response to the thrill of his touch and his words.

Finally, I'm safe.

I nestled up against his chest, enjoying the warmth that emanated from his body, and continued trying to express my emotions. ”I feel differently too, Devon. I thought about how being married might feel this morning too. Growing up, I had always wondered what it would feel like, to be someone's wife.” The words felt strange immediately as they left my mouth. ”I just feel better knowing that I'm not alone now. There's the two of us, together,” I said, feeling vulnerable, admitting my true emotions to this man that I hardly knew.

”I like that. You're right. There's the two of us now. Ye ken that this is my home, my Clan, but I know what it feels like to be alone,” Devon confessed. ”I don't have much tae offer ye, but if there's one thing that I can give ye, it's protection. Protection is what I do. It is what I have been trained tae do my whole life. Believe me, that if there is anything that I have ever fought for, anything that I have ever protected in my life, it will be you, Kate. Nae, protection is something that ye shall never be worrit about again.”