Part 27 (1/2)

My mouth went dry at Susie's words. My heart instantly started racing behind my ribcage, and I had to breathe through my mouth, because I thought that at any moment I might pa.s.s out.

”Gone?” Bella finally spoke. ”What do you mean, gone?”

”Came in at eight this morning to see me,” Kevin said, putting his pen down on the desk. ”Told me she was taking an extended break with immediate effect.”

”For f.u.c.k's sake!” Bella threw her hands up in the air and shot a look at me.

”Precisely.” Susie pulled a face.

”And, what?” Bella said wearily. ”She's just upped and offed, has she? Without a thought for any of us?”

”Apparently so.” Kevin leant back in his chair and rubbed his hands over his face.

”Can she...can she do that?” I finally managed to croak.

”No,” Kevin said bluntly. ”She can't.”

”So...?” I looked at Kevin numbly.

”I told her she was in breach of contract,” Kevin said. ”She told me that she was due some holiday, that she'd cleared it with her agent, and that she was going now.”

”And has left us all up s.h.i.+t creek,” Susie piped in irritably.

”So it means we have to rewrite all of Jasey's scenes for the next two weeks, which the writers upstairs,” Kevin said, jabbing his pen upwards, ”are absolutely delighted about, as I'm sure you can imagine.”

My head was swimming. Elise had gone? Gone where? ”But she hasn't quit, as such?” I asked. ”She's just taking some leave?”

”Who knows?” Kevin sat back in his chair, a weary look on his face.

”Did you have any idea she was going to do this?” Susie asked me harshly. ”Because if she talked to you about taking unplanned holidays right in the middle of filming, we sure could have done with knowing about it sooner than this, Holly.”

”No!” I said, aghast, looking frantically from Bella to Susie to Kevin. ”I had no idea!”

My breath was coming in gasps, making me hyperventilate. I needed to find Elise, wherever she'd gone to, and convince her-no, beg her-not to leave. I knew what it was all about, of course I did. She'd freaked out over everything, and it was my fault. If only I'd kept my big mouth shut and not pushed her about everything, then it would all still be okay.

”Of course she didn't know,” Bella said hastily. ”Look at her! She's as shocked as we are.”

”I have to go.” I sc.r.a.ped my chair back noisily and lurched to my feet. ”I have to go and find her.” Ignoring Susie frantically calling me back to her, telling me I needed to stay around the studios, and Bella following me to the door, trying to stop me, I stumbled from Kevin's office, slamming the door behind me louder than I needed to. Half walking, half running back down the corridor and out to my car, I fished my phone out of my bag and rang Elise, knowing with a sinking heart that the chances of her actually answering were slim.

Where the h.e.l.l was she? More importantly, how did she think this was an okay thing to do? To just up and leave PR without so much as a word to me? And what about breaching her contract? I thought she'd been happy playing Casey. How could she just give up on her character like that? Angrily wiping tears from my eyes, I fumbled the keys into the ignition of my car, fired it up, and sped out of the studio car park, braking sharply to avoid a cat crossing the road and stalling my car in the process. Swearing and banging my hands against the steering wheel in frustration, I started the engine again and rammed the car into gear, my tyres screaming as I raced down the road towards Elise, wherever she was.

I arrived at Elise's apartment choking up with rage, anger, hurt, betrayal-you name it, but the second I pulled into the small communal car park and saw her car parked up, I began to relax a little. I pulled in beside it just as a thought struck me: perhaps she was leaving PR for the sake of us. Maybe everything I'd said to her the day before had sunk in, and she'd decided she didn't want to hide our relations.h.i.+p after all. Perhaps she'd done it to protect me-to protect us.

I killed my engine and sat back in my seat, puffing my cheeks out, my heart beginning to slow down again. Would Elise really have done that? I glanced up to the fourth floor of the apartment block-Elise's floor-and thought about what I'd say to her. If she had left the programme because of us, then it was up to me to persuade her to come back, despite everything I'd said to her. Jasey was more important right now for both of us. We'd managed to keep our relations.h.i.+p a secret for long enough already, and I was sure we'd manage to carry on seeing each other in secret until we both felt the time was right to go public.

Following another person in, I entered the lobby of the block and took the lift to the fourth floor, tidying my hair on the way up and wiping at my eyes with a tissue. I didn't want Elise to know I'd been crying; I didn't want her to think I'd panicked and didn't trust her, if the simple answer to her leaving really was that she'd done it to protect me and save our relations.h.i.+p.

I rang on Elise's door, but the look on her face when she saw me standing there didn't exactly fill me with confidence, and every comforting thought I'd had in the lift up to her floor immediately left me again.

”I thought you were the taxi, maybe,” she said bluntly. She held the door open slightly to allow me in, shot a look around the hallway outside, then shut the door again.

”Taxi?” I asked, wandering a short way into her apartment and looking around. The irony that this was the first time I'd ever visited her apartment wasn't lost on me.

”You've heard, then?” she said, ignoring my question. She leant against the door, not following me in.

”You could say that,” I replied. ”Kevin rang me in a complete panic and summoned me over to the studios straight away.”

Elise looked at me.

”So, want to tell me what's going on?” I asked. ”And why you didn't think to tell me you were having yourself a little holiday?”

”Because I only decided last night,” Elise said simply, looking down at her feet. ”After I got home from yours.”

”Why did you do it?” I asked. ”Are you leaving because of me? Because of us? Or just because of you?”

”Because I need some heads.p.a.ce,” Elise said, lifting her head to look straight at me. ”Like you, I can't handle all the creeping around, all the pretence.” She put her hands in her pockets. ”And, like you, I feel as if this has all been a lie.” She paused. ”But, unlike you, I could have lived with that.”

”This is all to do with me telling Bella, isn't it?” I said. ”Bit of a knee-jerk reaction, though, isn't it? Cutting off your nose to spite your face and all that?”

Elise studied me cautiously. ”I can't give you what you want,” she said. ”I want secrecy, you want openness because you can't pretend to be someone you're not.” She took a deep breath. ”But that's what we do for a living, Hol! We make out that we're something else, just to please people.” She put her hands in her jeans pockets. ”I've done it all my life-it's all I know how to do,” she said, looking up and catching my eye. ”You can't change me.”

”So, what?” I shrugged. ”You're just going to go, are you? Give up on me?”

”Isn't that what you've been planning to do with me?” Elise asked. ”I know you've not been happy. I know you've been having this moralistic argument with yourself for days.” She rested her hip against the back of her sofa. ”So what do you do? Stay with me and have this fictional life you don't want, or leave me and be true to yourself?” She pulled herself away from the sofa and walked away from me.

”So you're getting in there first, is that it?” I said to her retreating back.

”I just need some thinking time, Hol,” Elise said, robotically picking up her coat. ”I feel like I can't breathe at the moment.”

”Where?” I asked. ”Where are you going?”

”Back to the States,” Elise replied simply. ”I have a friend out there,” she said. ”I already called him. Said I could crash at his place until I get myself sorted.”

The colour drained from my face. I reached a hand out and leant against the back of her sofa, feeling faint. ”Him?”

”Him,” Elise repeated.

I stared at her, my mouth dry, my heart thudding in my neck. ”Don't I mean anything to you?” My voice was thick with emotion. ”Okay, so I've fought with myself over what to do, I've thought about calling it a day, but you know what?” I took a deep breath, my voice wobbling, ”I thought you were too important to me to just give up on you like that.”

”You know you mean everything to me!” Elise said. ”I just think this is for the best for now.”

”For who?” I asked. ”You or me?” I gripped the sofa harder. ”And what about Jasey?” I asked feebly. ”What about the programme?”

Elise shrugged.