Part 17 (1/2)

”f.u.c.k...” Again, she dropped her hands from my face and stepped back, this time taking two or three steps away from me.

”Cut!” Stuart's voice rang out.

”Elise.” I reached out and took her hand, giving it a squeeze. ”It's okay.”

”It's not,” she said quietly, dropping my hand. ”I don't think I can do this.” She turned and walked a little way from me, just as Stuart came over to us.

”Everything all right?” he asked, glancing down at his filming schedule.

”Fine, Stu,” I said, looking over his shoulder towards Elise. ”I think she just needs five minutes, okay?”

Stuart frowned. ”Okay, five minutes,” he said, walking over towards the lighting guy to speak to him.

I wandered to Elise, still standing some way from me. She was hugging herself, staring down at a small beetle that was making its way unevenly over the earth by the trunk of the tree.

”Look at that,” she said, pointing down to it. ”Keeps falling over on his back, but then just wriggles his legs a bit, then gets up and carries on like nothing's the matter.”

”Are you okay?” I said, from just behind her.

”Yeah,” she said. ”I'm just...tired, I s'pose.”

”It's been a long day,” I agreed.

”Very.”

”You wanna talk about the scene?” I asked. ”We've pretty much sailed through all the other stuff.”

”The scene's fine,” Elise said wearily. ”I've no problem with the scene. I just needed a breather.”

”Cool,” I said, watching her closely.

I watched her take a deep breath, mentally composing herself, then lift her head slightly higher.

”Ready when you are, yeah?” she called to Stuart.

I followed Elise back to our marker by the tree and stood in front of her, taking her hand again, ready to shoot.

”Scene two, take three!” a voice, this time not Stuart's, called out to us.

On our cue, we leant towards one another. Elise looked from my eyes to my lips and to my eyes again, sparking countless emotions inside me that I tried desperately to blot out. I wanted to cup her face in my hands, kiss her tenderly, to taste her lips on mine again. I wanted to kiss her again as Elise, not as Casey, and kiss her properly, lovingly, gently. Like I totally meant it. I was so close to just giving in to everything, wanting to wrap my arms around her and kiss her like I'd kissed her in the dressing room. I wanted her to respond the same way she had, knowing that she had to be thinking the same thing.

But neither of us could.

This time, it was me who pulled away just as our lips were centimetres from one another's, pressing my lips together hard, then pulling my hands irritably through my hair, making Laura immediately come over to me to tidy it up again.

”Thought I was going to sneeze,” I mumbled unconvincingly to Stuart as he approached me. ”Sorry.”

”Shall we try again?” Stuart said patiently as Laura moved away from me again. ”Their kiss has to mean everything, so no holding back.” He put his hand on my shoulder. ”Kiss her like you really mean it, Holly.”

I glanced at Elise, standing close to me, staring down at her nails. When she sensed me looking at her she slowly looked back up at me, a strange expression on her face.

I stared back at her, neither of us wanting to be the first to look away. Finally, I dragged my eyes from hers and focused on our marker in the gra.s.s by our feet. If I kissed her like I meant it, then she'd know all about it, and so would every other person on the set. I watched as Stuart walked away from us and stood next to the camera, holding his hand up and giving us our cue. I took Elise's hand once more and looked directly at her as Stuart called out some instructions a little way from us.

The second I heard Stuart call, ”Action!” and with my head pounding and my breath coming faster with every second, I leant in towards Elise, placing my hand on her neck, pulling her closer to me.

”Kiss me like you really want me,” she whispered to me, so quietly I could barely hear her. ”I want you to.”

I dragged her to me, pressing my lips hard to hers, kissing her hard then soft, hard then soft, running my hand round the back of her neck to pull her even closer to me. She fell into me, her body soft against mine, her arms tight around me, her hands on my back, sending icicles up and down it.

We kissed for what seemed like ages, Elise kissing me back as hard as I was kissing her, just as she'd done back in my dressing room, this time so pa.s.sionately and forcefully I felt faint.

Finally, we heard Stuart yell, ”Cut!” and give us a thumbs up. I pulled away from Elise in an instant, stepping back from her and dropping my arms from her.

”Like that, you mean?” I said.

Chapter Seventeen.

The scene had to be greatly edited, of course. Okay, so I know Stuart had said for us to give it our everything, but somehow I don't think he meant quite as much as we did. After I'd kissed her-like I really wanted her-I'd stumbled away, leaving her still standing under the tree. I didn't need to turn round to see what her face was like; I just knew. I hadn't been professional. Giving in to my longing for her like that had been totally unprofessional but totally unavoidable at the same time.

I wasn't due to film with Elise again for another two days, but if I thought the time away from her would help settle my mind and give me head s.p.a.ce in which to think about things, I was mistaken. And that was all thanks to Grace.

Grace had flown to Ireland the day after she'd gate-crashed my afternoon with Elise at the cafe and had spent some time at her parents' cottage in Cork. Now she was coming back to London for a while, staying with an old friend of hers, and looking for work in the capital, which was all well and good, if only she'd stop texting me relentlessly to tell me of her plans. Her messages talked about the same stuff that she'd said to me when we'd talked in my car: that she missed me and still thought about me often and wanted to get together while she was in London.

I replied to a few, telling her I was busy-which was true-but she still kept messaging me. Her texts became increasingly flirty as the days wore on, despite me answering them with barely two words sometimes. It confused me all over again. Her texts suggested that she really meant everything she was saying, and that she genuinely had missed me, and truly did want to hook up with me again. They nearly drove me mad, churning stuff over and over, making me think that maybe, just maybe, she really did mean it this time.

I was reading one of Grace's texts for about the third time when I finally saw Elise again. I was on my way to the green room for a ten-minute chill, walking and reading Grace's message at the same time, when I pretty much walked straight into Elise as she came around a corner. We had one of those awkward moments where you look at each other for a second, which feels like a minute, before one of you speaks.

”Hey,” I finally managed to say, hoping she'd reply and not totally blank me. I hastily stuffed my phone into my trouser pocket the moment I saw her and stood, gawkily, in the middle of the corridor.

”Hey,” Elise said. ”How are you?”

”Good,” I replied. ”You?”

”Mm.” Elise nodded. ”Good, too.”

We stood in uncomfortable silence for a few seconds, the memory of what had happened the last time we'd seen each other hanging between us uneasily.

”I...uh...I was going to get a coffee, actually.” She nodded her head in the direction of the canteen. ”You fancy it? Canteen c.r.a.p today, though. No time to escape!” She looked exaggeratedly at her watch and shrugged.

Relief washed over me at the fact she hadn't snubbed me and, even better, still wanted to hang out with me.

Despite that, I still found myself turning her down. ”I don't think that's a good idea, do you?” I said. ”I'm trying to keep it professional-on your wishes-so maybe hanging out together between takes isn't going to help.” I held her gaze. ”It didn't help the other day, did it? Up at the park?” My stomach flipped over at the memory of kissing her under the tree.

Elise's face fell. ”Please?” she said quietly. ”We can still hang out as friends, can't we?”