Part 17 (1/2)
10 DECEMBER 2009, PHILIPPINES
This small island nation has already produced several of the most ill.u.s.trious Darwin Award winners. In 1999, National Bureau of Investigation agents snuffed their candles when they sneaked a smoke in a room full of seized explosives. In 2000, an airplane hijacker robbed pa.s.sengers then bailed out with an untested homemade parachute. Talk about drop-dead funny! Now the Philippines have produced that rare oddity, the Double Darwin Award.
We begin with Francisco C. and Ronaldo C., two businessmen who own restaurants adjacent to each other on Apacible Boulevard in Batangas. One has partially blocked the door to the other's establishment, and this does not sit well. Tempers erupt. Heated words are exchanged; a fistfight breaks out! But bystanders pacify the fighters, and the situation is defused.
Or is it? Each man retreats to his respective car, pulls out a gun, and shoots the other-killing both combatants. Francisco, forty-one, suffered two bullet wounds to his chest; Ronaldo, thirty-nine, was shot once beneath his arm. Francisco and Ronaldo: Two enemies brought together in death-much to their own chagrin.
Reference: abs-cbnnews.com [image]
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Double Darwin Award Winner: Crus.h.i.+ng Debt Confirmed by Darwin Featuring criminals, explosions, and a double Darwin!
26 SEPTEMBER 2009, BELGIUM
The city of Dinant is the backdrop for this rare Double Darwin Award. Two bank robbers attempting to make a sizeable withdrawal from an ATM died when they overestimated overestimated the quant.i.ty of dynamite needed for the explosion. The blast demolished the ATM, and the entire building the bank was housed in. n.o.body else was in the building at the time of the attack. the quant.i.ty of dynamite needed for the explosion. The blast demolished the ATM, and the entire building the bank was housed in. n.o.body else was in the building at the time of the attack.
Robber #1 was rushed to the hospital with severe skull trauma; he died shortly after arrival. Investigators initially believed that his accomplice had managed a getaway, but the second bungler's body was excavated from the debris twelve hours later.
Two bank robbers overestimated overestimated the quant.i.ty of dynamite needed to crack the ATM. the quant.i.ty of dynamite needed to crack the ATM.
Would-be Robbers 1 and 2 weren't exactly impoverished-their getaway car was a BMW.
Reference: Le Soir Le Soir-lesoir.be, De Standaard De Standaard-standaard.be, deredactie.be, nu.nl, demorgen.be [image]
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Reader Comments
”Dynamite: not for everything.”
”Less is certainly more.”
”They certainly thought BIG.”
”A debit card would have been safer.”
”They really blew it . . .”
WEIRD SCIENCE: DARWINTUNESAn Evolutionary Idea in Music.Using an ”evolutionary algorithm” and the ears of the general public, DarwinTunes has been evolving a four-bar loop that began as a primordial auditory soup. After two-hundred-plus generations, the musical track is sounding pretty good. Project leaders recently upped the maximum genome size, and they seek your help.The DarwinTunes Experiment Needs You!Evolve the Music.
Double Darwin Award Winner: Low-Flying Drunks Unconfirmed Featuring airplanes, alcohol, and a double Darwin!
1996, CANADA
Sleeping residents of Chilliwack were awakened early one morning by the sound of a small aircraft flying lower than usual. The engine sounded like a mosquito, zooming too close too quick, then veering away. What the bleep was going on?
During a bout of heavy drinking that lasted into the wee hours of the morning, two future Darwin Award winners had realized that although neither one had a pilot's license nor flight training, they nevertheless knew all they needed to know to pilot an aircraft. Furthermore, one of the gentlemen worked at the small local airport and had access to the tarmac.
They drew the obvious conclusion and decided to take a plane for a drunken joyride over the city. They invited two females along for the ride; fortunately the level-headed ladies declined.
From idea to execution, the plan evolved quickly. The airport employee unlocked locked gates; once on the tarmac, the two then managed to break into a small plane, taxi to the runway, and get it off the ground and into the sky. They buzzed around in the dark, skimming above the roofs of the houses, and no doubt exchanging a few gleeful high-fives. This random aerial activity went on for an extended period of time.
Eventually their bladders began to complain, but they no longer remembered how to find the airport . Disoriented, they attempted to land on the gra.s.sy median between east- and westbound lanes of the Trans-Canada Highway and almost almost made it under the electrical wires that cross the median. made it under the electrical wires that cross the median.
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Where these wires were concerned, fate was not kind.
The tail of the aircraft clipped the wires and the plane took a nose-dive. Instead of making a soft landing on the gra.s.sy verge, it greeted the ground with enthusiasm, killing both occupants. Only then were the sleepy Chilliwack residents able to return to their interrupted dreams.
Reference: Chilliwack Progress Chilliwack Progress newspaper, edition unknown. newspaper, edition unknown.
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At-Risk Survivors: Putting the Pain in Propane Confirmed by Reliable Eyewitness Featuring alcohol, fire, gas, and explosions!
”You gotta see this.”
DECEMBER 2008, FLORIDA
An engine company sent a request for the Jacksonville Fire and Rescue Department to extinguish a routine trash fire. The District Chief for the fire department said, ”The lieutenant said, 'You gotta see this.'” Everyone wanted to share a piece of the action. An intoxicated group of men had decided that throwing paint cans into their fifty-five-gallon drum fire was fun, but not fun enough. They escalated the excitement by tossing in not one, but three twenty-pound propane cylinders.
The fun went south when one cylinder violently vented toward an unfortunate reveler. We cannot reveal the patient's name due to HIPAA laws, but he was transported to a burn unit for attention to his ”party favors.” The gene pool is still at risk from these rocket scientists, as the close call was not fatal.
Everyone wanted to share a piece of the action.
Reference: A medic acting as District Chief in the incident According to the District Chief, partially empty propane cylinders are actually more dangerous than full ones because they cannot absorb as much heat prior to venting or exploding.
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At-Risk Survivors: Agua Ski Calamity Unconfirmed Personal Account Featuring water, alcohol, do-it-yourself ingenuity, and a boat
29 DECEMBER 2009, MEXICO