Part 28 (1/2)

But she couldn't do that to him. It had to be all or nothing.

It shouldn't be so hard. She had had nothing her whole life. She ought to be used to it. But after a month of being the focal point of Madison's day, of believing he cared for her, the gall of that emptiness tasted more bitter than ever. It was only because she loved him so much she could even think of giving him up.

''I haven't seen Madison,” Rose told Fern.

Fern tried to appear casual when she asked about Madison, but she knew Rose could hear the anxiety in her voice, see the worry in her face.

”I thought he intended to spend the day with you,” Rose said.

”I sent him back. There was nothing for him to do, but he said he would come to get me this afternoon.”

”He didn't come here for lunch,” Mrs. Abbott said. ”And a man who misses his lunch is a man with a lot on his mind.”

”He probably went off with George,” Rose suggested. ”He's been looking for a farm to winter cattle.”

”Couldn't have,” Mrs. Abbott said. ”Lottie Murphy told me she saw Mr. Randolph heading out of town not fifteen minutes after Fern and Mr. Madison left here.”

”Maybe some business came in by the mail,” Rose said. ”His firm has him looking into various projects while he's out here. He probably got so involved he forgot. You know how men are about business.” Rose led Fern into the parlor away from Mrs. Abbott's doomsday announcements. ”Wherever he is, I'm sure he'll be irritated with himself when he realizes he failed to meet you. Why don't you go to the Drovers Cottage? Maybe it'll give him such a nasty shock, he won't forget again. He sounds more like Monty every day.”

Fern bit her tongue. She found it increasingly difficult to tolerate Rose's unfavorable comparisons without making a reb.u.t.tal.

As she hurried along the street to the Drovers Cottage, she wondered what kind of business Madison had been doing. She had been so caught up in her own troubles she hadn't even noticed. It worried her. She had nothing to offer him that could compare to Boston. She could almost see his former life reaching out to draw him back. She pushed the thought aside. It didn't matter. She was going to refuse him. She just wanted to know he was okay.

She couldn't miss the looks that followed her down the street. They seemed more numerous than normal. She didn't imagine it was sympathy over her father's death. They weren't sympathetic glances. They were openly curious, even speculative. Then she remembered. She had started wearing her hair down and leaving off the sheepskin vest, because of Madison. She might be wearing pants, but there was no doubt she was a woman. It was that fact that turned the glances into stares.

That made her uneasy. She wondered if she would ever be comfortable having men stare at her. She made a mental note to put her hair up and take out the vest once more. Madison Would soon be going home. After that it wouldn't matter what she looked like.

She was relieved to reach the Drovers Cottage. She hurried into the relative privacy of the lobby only to be brought up by a shock as devastating as an earthquake. Madison was seated on a couch in one of the small alcoves. Next to him sat the most beautiful woman Fern had ever seen.

She didn't need anyone to tell her this woman and the man seated on her other side had come from Boston. It leaped out at her. Everything about them spoke of a world of wealth and sophistication completely beyond Fern's experience.

Just looking at this woman made Fern feel ugly. She wished she were any other place else on earth.

Fern tried to back out of the hotel, to run away before Madison noticed her, but it was too late. Even as she gasped in dismay, he saw her and came to his feet.

”Fern, come here. There's somebody I want you to meet.”

Fern couldn't remember when she had seen Madison so cheerful. He smiled at her, but he smiled because of this woman.

Fern wanted to hate her. She would have if the woman had showed even the tiniest trace of shock, surprise, or disapproval at Fern's appearance. But she didn't. She rose to her feet, a welcoming smile nearly as broad as Madison's on her lips.

She was breathtakingly beautiful. Not even Rose could match this woman for loveliness. If Boston was full of women like this, Fern couldn't understand why Madison had ever left.

In contrast to the cream color of her plain skirt, the woman wore a Spanish jacket decorated with deep red scroll braid, pleated fabric ruffles, and innumerable tiny b.u.t.tons. Her hat was decorated with ribbons, puffs, and feathers. But Fern's eyes were drawn first to her dark brown hair, blue eyes, pink bow mouth, and flawlessly white skin.

It was stupid to think Madison would be interested in Fern when he was obviously on the friendliest of terms with this stunning creature.

She had thought all along that Madison had mistaken his feelings, but she had let herself hope he might love her. Even though she dreaded it, she had been looking forward to his coming out to the farm. Even though she knew it must end, she prized every moment of her time with him.

It hurt more than she could say that this woman only had to appear in Abilene to make Madison forget her. She was angry and jealous, and the fact that she was being totally irrational made no difference at all.

But as she stood there gaping, her entire world crumbling around her, her pride wouldn't let her allow Madison or this beautiful woman to suspect she was dying inside. She forced a smile and allowed Madison to drag her forward.

”This is Fern Sproull,” Madison said, introducing her. ”She's been out on her farm”

He broke off; the smile slid from his face.

”I was supposed to ride back with you,” he said.

”That's all right. I didn't get lost,” Fern said, striving for a light tone. She didn't want anybody to suspect she had spent the last hour agonizing over why Madison hadn't come to meet her, that she had spent the entire day agonizing over her love for him.

”I got so busy talking to Samantha and Freddy I forgot all about the time.” ”Since Madison can't seem to keep his mind on anything for more than a minute, I guess I'd better introduce myself,” the woman said. ”I'm Samantha Bruce and this is my brother, Frederick. We've known Madison ever since I can remember.”

Fern didn't know how fancy ladies greeted one another, so she gave the gloved hand extended to her a hearty shake and hoped there was no dirt on her buckskin gloves to soil Miss Bruce's cream-colored mittens.

”Sorry I'm such a mess, but as Madison said, I've been on the farm all day.”

”Madison has been telling us of your misfortunes. You are a very brave woman.”

The worst part was that Fern could tell Miss Bruce meant what she said. Fern couldn't hate anyone who was so genuinely sympathetic, no matter how beautiful she was.

”It's not very brave when you're doing the only thing you can,” Fern said.

”It is when you do it with courage,” Samantha said, ”and from what Madison has been telling us, you've got plenty of that.”

”I'm sure he exaggerated,” Fern said, embarra.s.sed. She was unused to compliments. She kept thinking Miss Bruce must be making fun of her.

”Madison exaggerate?” Freddy quizzed with a lazy laugh. ”I've never known a more matter-of-fact person in my life.

Yes, Madison did exaggerate. He couldn't have loved her very much. Samantha Bruce was exceedingly beautiful, but if a man loved you, wouldn't he remember you even in the presence of a more beautiful woman?

Maybe, but if the woman he loved was as unattractive as Fern, maybe not.

”Madison has been trying to cheer me up,” Fern said. ”I don't believe half the things he's said.” Madison looked sharply at her. ”Did he tell you he bought me a house so I'd have some place to live? He didn't warn me or anything, just bought it, had it carted out to the farm, and set it up with furniture and everything. A man who'd do that would say practically anything.”

Fern was doing everything she could to hold back the tears, but she could feel them pooling in her eyes.

”I didn't do anything I didn't want to do,” Madison said.

”You're a fine gentleman,” Fern said. ”I didn't think so at first, but you are.”

”I didn't do it because I'm a gentleman,” Madison protested.

”That makes it even better.” She turned to Miss Bruce. ”Well, I'm real glad I got to meet you, ma'am, but I've got to go. If I don't get cleaned up, Mrs. Abbott won't let me come to the table.” She started to leave.

”I'm coming with you,” Madison said.

”No, you stay with your friends. You can't leave them on their first night in town. I'll tell Rose so she won't worry.”