Part 17 (2/2)
Doth she ever watch o'er me?
Am I still to her as dear As when in flesh she cared for me?
If she now, with wistful eyes, Strives, unseen, to draw me higher; Let me wisdom doubly prize, More and more to heaven aspire.
Lo! the Spirit and the Bride Lovingly invite me on,-- Seek my wandering heart to guide To the Father, through the Son.
I will answer to the call; Thou my portion, I Thy child; Here in self-abas.e.m.e.nt fall, Trusting in Thy mercy mild.
”I am glad to hear that in Haxby the Lord has been giving 'showers of blessing.' Mr. McOwan has given twenty-nine notes on trial. I am the Lord's prisoner; looking up, yet I feel my lonely position.--It was suggested, 'I am thy salvation.' I paused and asked, from what? From the world, sin, self, and thy deadly foes. 'I am thy salvation,' from all thy inward evils; pride, unbelief, love of the creature, from every thing contrary to love. This salvation is all mine, through Christ, by faith.--Rose a little after six; very feeble; nearly read through the book of Ezra, and saw how G.o.d helps the good in times of difficulty. I feel depressed: Lord, help me!--I rode to the Cemetery to see the spot where my Eliza lies. Well, a little while, and I hope to join her among the spirits of the just made perfect. I proceeded from thence to my brother's in Dove Street.--Have been a week in Dove Street. Through mercy I have been able to rise every morning at six; and while reading Dr. Clarke's Theology, my spiritual strength has been, renewed. I have enjoyed many blessings from the Lord, and my time has pa.s.sed pleasantly, but my poor brother is very, very infirm. I have called on several friends in the street, and had the opportunity of praying in two families.--Latterly, during the night season, the enemy has afflicted my mind with painful temptations; but I am not left to myself, the Lord is my helper.--To-day I was much drawn out in prayer for one of my grandsons. Surely the Spirit moved me. After tea, four of my grandsons, and my daughter, bowed with me before the Lord. It was a time to be remembered. The Lord drew near, and I was melted down before Him.--Weak yet pursuing. My daughter Mary unexpectedly read to me the words, 'Lo! I am with you alway even to the end of the world.' The truth thrilled through my heart, as a flash of lightning.--Sweet peace. This evening a stranger, brought by E.F., came to converse on spiritual subjects. We prayed together, and the Lord drew near.--Alone; but graciously moved by my heavenly Father to pour out my soul in prayer; I enjoyed sweet access by the Holy Spirit, on behalf of many dear ones. Glory be to G.o.d, that to a worm He manifests His presence, and reveals His love. Mary had a note from Richard, informing us of a change of purpose respecting his return to England. Well; if they commit their way unto the Lord, they will not err far. This shall be my prayer for them, while strength is continued.--Awoke by a fit of coughing, I heard as if a voice spoke to me, 'Union with Jesus gives the power of patience.' I feel it.--Met the Lord's people in great weakness, but with great longing for their spiritual health. Miss R. read me a letter from Miss K., informing her of the happy change, which had taken place in her mind. My soul rejoiced to hear the news, particularly as she had been for some time laid upon my mind whenever I approached the throne of grace.”
”1858.--My John spent a few days with us. I have enjoyed his company more than ever before; perhaps I prayed more, that it might be so. I think I feel more deeply the hallowing influence of prayer. My soul feeds on Jesus. Glory be to G.o.d for a Saviour.”
While midnight shadows blended, And nature seem'd to sleep, Me, angel watchers tended, Who always vigil keep; I felt them hov'ring o'er me, Though hidden from my view; A veil was spread before me, But is the thought less true?
Watch'd by these heavenly strangers, 'Who all my paths attend,'
And oft from foes and dangers, My progress would defend; O give me circ.u.mspection To guard against the foe, Then, sure of their protection, I on to conquest go.
”Only nine present at the cla.s.s. I spoke to them, but felt the effect upon my feeble body for two days afterward; yet it was good to talk to them of the love of Jesus.--I have been exercised by the common foe; depressed in feeling, but never left without the power to draw near to G.o.d in prayer. Thank G.o.d, for some days past my spirit has been revived; and this morning my heart is trusting in the Lord, Glorious news from America! The Lord is saving by thousands. O that the breath of heaven may reach our own sh.o.r.es!”
O time how precious I what a load misused!
To catch its flight is wise; to waste or loiter, folly.
Reader, and writer, mark! Thy time escapes: To give it now a name is golden, gain.
Oh! with true wisdom print thy pa.s.sing hours, So shall eternity proclaim thy fame.
”My two sons, William and John, set forth to welcome their brother Richard, just returned by the s.h.i.+p 'Duncan Dunbar'--after an absence of more than twenty-one years--with a family of six children--a gracious providence having watched over him; and now the happy brotherhood will, I trust, be perpetuated, until consummated in heaven.--My son Richard, with his lovely wife and family, have arrived.--I am now seventy-six years old. How much cause of humiliation! How much cause of grat.i.tude! Here upon my knees I give myself to Thee; I am Thine. Let Thy presence be communicated with fresh power to my soul. I do thank Thee for peace, and a full bent to please Thee.--My son Richard conducted me to my new residence on Heworth Road. Often have I changed my abode, supposing each would be the last remove: yet I tarry. All I want is to move under the smile of my heavenly Father, and to feel myself under his guiding eye.--Poorly.
Inward conflicts. Went to see a person, who was once a member of my cla.s.s; she is still in the way to heaven. We prayed together. Here, at the throne of grace, I find myself at home. I was at my cla.s.s, perhaps for the last time. G.o.d bless the dear members.”
Graven on the hand divine, Bid me on Thy strength lay hold, Look, believe, for Thou art mine; Jesus makes me humbly bold.
Though Thy courts I may not tread, Thou art in my mouth, and heart; In Thy holy book I read, G.o.d in every place Thou art.
With more love inflame my soul, With more fervent zeal inspire;-- Faith, that can all power control, Fill the grasp of my desire.
Let Thy word of mercy spread Freely, all the village round: Speak to-day, and wake the dead, Let the lost in Thee be found.
”My friends are gone to the Sanctuary. Looking at myself in the light of the divine presence, I see imperfection stamped upon all my doings; and yet, through mercy, I have an interest in the precious blood of atonement, and long that all around me may enjoy the same salvation.
While now my pen moves upon the paper, move Thou upon the hearts of the people, who have long been favoured with hearing the voice of Thy ministers. Arouse the careless; stir up Thy people; and this day pour out Thy Spirit upon us all; and now, while alone; help my infirmities; visit me, and give me increase of faith.--Inward conflicts and wandering of mind have brought me to my knees.”
To G.o.d I tell my utmost care, And find my place of refuge there.
”By the help of the servant's arm I got to Heworth Chapel, and heard a little, but imperfectly. My son Richard came, and conducted me home. Very faint and sick after I returned; but I know not that I ever enjoyed a more refres.h.i.+ng sense of G.o.d's presence. Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost.--Clouds dark--rainy--trees fading--leaves falling--all things changing here; but, 'Thou art the same, and Thy years shall not fail.' O, while I hold my pen in my hand, let me feel Thy presence in my heart! I have in Thee a changeless friend. Glory be to Thy name, Thou ever-blessed G.o.d! Give me more love, and knit me more closely to Thyself.--The day fine. I got to Chapel, and through mercy was no worse. A stranger kindly accompanied me home, who seems to be an inquirer after truth.
My soul yearned over her, while I spoke a few words to her. O may they sink deep! In the course of reading, the words, 'Let the peace of G.o.d _rule_ in your hearts' especially struck me. To rule implies government; I may dwell where I have no power to rule; and the peace of G.o.d must not only be felt, but bring into subjection everything in my heart, that would oppose itself to the will of G.o.d. Praise G.o.d, my spirit longs for this complete subjection.”
A star in its splendour attracted my eye, As softly from slumber I woke; I thought--as I saw the bright spot in the sky-- 'Twas an angel of mercy which spoke-- Of the hope, that brings peace to the labouring breast, And raises the sorrowful mind.
The sweet'ner of life, and the solace of rest, In Jesus, the Saviour, we find.
When troubles oppress us, and nature decays, His light in the darkness is given: Bright star of the morning, O lend me thy rays!
And guide me safe homeward to heaven!
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